A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would it be a waste of time to try and get back with someone who finished with you because of a past history of sleeping around and cheating.Basically i got with my sisters mate 3-4 months or so ago, we kept it quiet so they didnt fall out and so we could get to know each other better without my sister butting in. I admit im no saint, in the past i had been known to sleep around and i havent ever been faithful apart from this girl. I really liked her and things were going good then she told my sister that we were seeing each other and so my sister wasnt happy and told this girl what id been like before we met. Safe to say she broke it off. I found out afterwards her ex had cheated on her and it had really messed her head up and she didnt want that again. Which i understand. But its been a few weeks and i miss her like mad. My sister has calmed down and understand that its not just sex i want with her and now shes willing to put up with it if its what we both want. I dont want to make a prat out of myself by asking her to get back with me if she really doesnt want me to but surely its worth a go? I want to show her she can trust me but i have no idea how. Im older then her by 3 years and all that sleeping around stuff ended when i left uni. I also dont want to lose her completely by making my sister and her fall out if i upset her.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I think its worth a try - the past is the past, it doesnt mean you are going to be like that for the rest of your life. However you will have a hard task, if she has been cheated on before then it will be an uphill struggle for you.
I wouldnt go straight in there and ask to get back together, instead I'd ask if she will meet up with you so you can talk about what your sister said. Also get your sister to talk to her, and she has to admit that she said that stuff in anger about you being together, and even though it is true she wanted to break you up because she was upset. And get her to say that she has realised that you want more than just sex and have never seen you like this with another girl before.
When you talk to her, be 100% honest about your past but make it clear that she is the first girl you have been faithful to and you have never felt this way about anyone before. Explain that you were young and stupid when you used to do that, that you never had real feelings for any of these girls but it has changed now, and you have real feeling for her.
There is no guarantee that this will work, and she may decide you are too much of a risk, but if both you and your sister talk to her you might have a chance. But dont put any pressure on her, simply explain yourself, tell her how you feel about her and what you would like from the future with her. Leave the ball in her court, give her some time to think about it and tell her you will be waiting. And whatever you do, DONT get with any other girls between now and her final decision!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 Sorry, but I don't think you stand a chance, not with your history. Cheaters are known for staying cheaters. Maybe you wouldn't cheat on her right away, maybe not the first year, but you do not have a moral code that tells you to NOT cheat. Hence, you are very likely to cheat again, and she's already been through that once. She can't take it one more time. It would be utterly foolish of her to take such a huge risk. Imagine you just got robbed, and have only started to finally have some money again. Then a person asks you to give them all the rest of your money, without any guarantees that they will take good care of it, and to top it off, this person is known for ripping people off. Would YOU hand them your money? No? Because this is the situation she's in.
If she hadn't been cheated on before then she might be willing to take this risk. But she's experienced it before, she knows the pain, and she knows she can't go through it again.
So how do you, a known cheater, convince a person to trust you? I would say, it takes time. And in a sense, you are paying the price for her ex cheating on her, as he broke her trust in men as a whole. But building trust takes time you know. Are you patient? Can you wait for her? Is she worth it? Then I think the best way to go about it would be to declare your intentions, that you want a relationship with her and that you will be faithful, but that you will wait for her. And then wait. Don't go near other women, donæt go on dates with other women, don't do any dirty dancing in clubs with other women, don't let other women barely touch you, and definitely do not have sex or kiss any other woman (or man for that matter). Act exactly like you would if she was your girlfriend. Let her see how you can be. If another girl asks you out, or comes on to you, tell her you are already taken (even though she hasn't said she wants to be with you). Just act as if she is already your girlfriend, so that she can see it. So that she can see you can go without another woman, and that you think she is worth the wait.
Can you do that? Committ yourself to her, without her comitting to you? Staying celibate for her, even if she decides to date and have sex with others? Because I think this will be your best and only approach if you want her to be your girlfriend, this is really the only way you can prove anything without her risking anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): Everything's worth a try OP. I mean you have nothing to lose by trying do you? If she's not interested then nothing changes and you're no worse off than if you didn't try.
Go for it.
No offence though and this is just an opinion, she'd be a fool to wouldn't she? A serial womaniser and cheater? That the kind of guy you'd be okay with your sister dating?
The only way to prove to her that's not you anymore is if she gives you another chance. It's all nice that you say it but the only way she'd ever know is by giving it a go and besides you don't even know yourself whether you'll never cheat again.
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