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Women who have a Facebook account turn me off. Am I alone on this?

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Question - (11 December 2010) 23 Answers - (Newest, 6 January 2011)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Am I the only guy in the world that won't give a girl who has a facebook acct my time of day no matter what? I can't stomach the site. It's foolish, ridiculous, petty and childish sorta like immature teenage mentality. I can understand teenagers getting off on the drama, gossip, fighting and stalking, but geez adults?! What does that say about the adults mentality level and ability to be an asset rather than a liabilty with harmonious mature relatonship?

View related questions: facebook, immature, stalking

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A female reader, Lexie88 Australia +, writes (6 January 2011):

Lexie88 agony auntI think you're over generalizing. Just because someone has a FB account doesn't mean they're immature, like to gossip and so on. I have an account which I onlyuse to catch up on what's happening with family overseas and to promote my photography business.

Perhaps the girls you've come across have been immature, etc but I don't think that you should immediately discount someone just because they have a FB account. You don't know why they have it and what they do with it, do you? Are you on FB yourself? If not, how do you know that a random girl you've just met and who has an account is not worth your time? It's a bit silly if you ask me.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2010):

angelDlite agony aunthi

if a person is wants to be petty ridiculous and silly they are gonna be so, with or without Facebook. Face book is here to stay so come to peace with it. you might one day pass up the opportunity to be with a great girl if you apply this prejudice to people. it doesn't appeal to me because I don't like the idea of being so public but apart from that its no worse than any other place where people get together, there will be all sorts of people in the mix, some good, some not so good

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010):

I understand where your coming from but Facebook has both positives and negatives. I also don't have an account as I feel people behave differently when online and say things they wouldn't usually, and as you said there is a lot of drama that goes on. However i am friends with people who use the site and have gone out with guys who are on it. The site can bring out childish characteristics, as people sitting in front of a screen feel less responsible for what they say. What really matters though is how they behave in their daily lives away from the computer, I find most people to leave that kind of thing where it belongs and don't bring it into personal relationships. If you don't want to be part of it then don't be, i'm certainly not but the truth is most people do and will use it to keep in touch. If your not going to give girls with Facebook accounts the time of day then its you who are loosing out as nearly everyone is on Facebook, it really shouldn't be a factor in deciding whether your going to give someone a chance the way they treat you should be.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (12 December 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntFace-book can be arsenic for insecure relationships in my experience, but at the end of the day it's just a tool and its worth really depends on who's wielding it.

I get where you're coming from and its great to have standards, just try not to rope everyone with the same lasso. This post basically says "I don't like Facebook, its stupid and anyone who uses it is stupid"... thus the 19 responses... Not everyone uses face-book the way you seem to think we all do.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (12 December 2010):

dmartin89 agony aunt"sweeping and hasty generalization"

Is exactly the right phrase for what you have just said.

I have never had any problems with my Facebook page, it helps me stay better in contact with my family and friends who live far away. It makes technological communication more interactive. I also have a group for my HypnoBirthing and Birth Doula business, which helps to raise awareness and make people aware of upcoming events. It is more efficient then sending out hundreds of emails, then receiving hundreds of emails and having to sort them.

My partner, a well known technology coach and consultant also uses Facebook. As well as being social, it is very good for on-line networking.

Facebook is good for business, if used with intent, it gives you a strong online presence, in addition to your webpage.

Before insinuating that adults who use Facebook are immature and have little intelligence..get your facts straight first.

Facebook isn't the cause of immaturity and bad social behavior. When Facebook didn't exist, gossip and bullying still happened. Before you unjustly judge a girl for having a Facebook account, take a moment to think that maybe she doesn't use it for the reasons you assume she does.

I assume that YOU don't have a Facebook page? So how the hell do you know what every person is doing on there?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

This isn't gender specific. Men can also be childish. Five months ago I packed up all my belongings and left my abusive boyfriend after he left for work. I left him a venomous letter letter that crushed his ego with truth. Later that night I received an email from him calling me every putrid word ever imagined and closing with the horrid dig that he had put several of my private emails to him on facebook.this was my defining moment when any love left for my childish boyfriend crossed over the apex to pure hate. He is dead. facebook is just as childish for allowing my pathetic ex toddler to further abuse me globally. So OP you have my vote.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

it should depend on how secretive she is about it and who all she talks to on there..

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A female reader, Kiyana Czech Republic +, writes (12 December 2010):

Would you really not give your time of day to a girl who has a facebook account no matter what? Even if she has it for all the right reasons such as, connecting with her family, reconnecting with old friends, business contacts, studies, researches,... Imagine yourself being on the other side of the world, or even as far as 50 miles from your loving family and good friends, wouldnt want to connect with them from time to time in the most convenient way Internet social website? I would. Even though I admit that it can be highly addictive and numbing.

Those friends of mine who were rejecting facebook the strongest eventually ended up the most addicted to it, posting the most ridiculous updates such as what they are having for breakfast, what they are wearing to a party, etc../in spite of the high education or intelligence they have got.

In my opinion an individual must be strong to resist and not to fall in it in this way, but instead should know what he/she is using Facebook for - for me its a `place` where I can for example join a proper discussion with many of your friends at the same time- which I often wouldnt be able to, as I travel a lot. Or I use it to connect with my classmates to talk about school matters. Let me give you an (extreme) example my teacher told me:` You can use a knife to cut bread and eat it, or you can also kill with a knife. It`s up to you how you wanna use it.`

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

Okay let me just say, i am 15.

Facebook or myspace doesnt bother me.

Its no turn off but i find it useless.I do not have one, and to think of my age i would. For gods sake if you wanted to talk to some one give them your email.

For a lot of people facebook or myspace is like a big thing for them.

OMG I HAVE TO UPDATE THAT!

AH LOOK AT MY FARM!

DID YOU SEE WHATSHERNAMES PICTURE!

and so on.

Its stupid. I do understand making one to find a person that has one too but I wouldnt use one for anything else.

xoxo

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

faKebook women are guaranteed trouble.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (12 December 2010):

Illithid agony auntI used to feel much the same about the site (though I wouldn't turn a girl down just because she uses Facebook, or MySpace, or excessive text messaging... I mean, we ALL have something stupid and immature that we do, right?) But really man, FB isn't even as bad as you describe it. Sure there's drama, just like in ANY HUMAN INTERACTION, but when I eventually and begrudgingly joined FB last year, I found that if you have a good group of friends, it's just an easy way to keep in touch, swap contact information, and connect with friends half a country away without wasting postage.

Sure it can be immature, but at that point you should say, "I won't date a girl who is immature," rather than making a sweeping and hasty generalization. They way you put it, YOU look like the immature one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

I don't know who's the most immature.My simple minded 34 year old wife who plops her dramatic annoying ass on her sunk in desk chair playing elementary school tag and bully on facebook or my 5 year old son who throws dramatic tantrums and bullies the other kid when the other kid tags him out after chasing him around and around our house. I'm tired of being my wife's babysitter and parent. I need a full fledged woman drama and conflict free.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

Do I look like an ant from all the way up there on your judgemental high horse??

I think that you are picky is good. Then no woman has to bear you and your strict code of conduct.

Facebook, although full of rubbish, isn't used by every person for the same stuff. I use it to talk to family in other countries.

Your funny haha

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

Haha get over yourself and your sweeping generalisations.

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A female reader, loveistheanswer United States +, writes (12 December 2010):

loveistheanswer agony aunt@Dear Jilly

I'm well aware the Facebook is a reflection of real life, but this poster can't pick out girls based on whether or not they use Facebook, he needs to actually start using his noodle and critically evaluate the people he hangs out around, so that he doesn't pick bad-news girls anymore. Seriously, if you're sick and tired of girls that are no good start looking for them in church or at a book club or something, not in the same old places where everyone gathers, including the cream of the crop and the bottom of the barrel (closer to the bottom than the top all too often).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

Agreed. Not saying everyone is like this, but most of the people I see using it are idiots

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

I myself have a facebook account. But I still understand where you are coming from. I have lots of family in the military that have been deployed (which is why I created a facebook) and I never deleted it because I found my family in a different state and that's how we stay in touch. The only people I have on mine are mainly family and co-workers. But It's disgusting when girls on there posting pictures of them being half naked.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

All the adults I know into facebook are worse then the teenagers including my 49 year old exfiance who put a lot of my personal stuff on there to get revenge on me. I have never had a facebook account but he would show me his friends. It was all idiotic and all I could do is think how screwed up their marriages and children were with ignorant childish mindsets. Pages long of pointless nonsence trivial crapola. What the hell's going on with grown ups? No wonder today's little kids and teenagers are unmanageable. Their parents think like children creating conflict conflict and more childish conflict.

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A female reader, livelaughlove23 United States +, writes (12 December 2010):

I don't have a facebook account, because everyone I talk to I have their number in my blackberry and we chat/text/meet up/whatever. I don't see the point of having a FB account because almost everyone on there is fake anyways. All you see posted are status messages that tell waaaay to much. And people saying "omg we need to hang out soon! haven't seen you in so long" knowing dang well..the hanging out WON'T happen! There's so much drama on the book..BUT there are people who have FB and they use it properly. It's facebook, but tell me why people have images of their entire body, 10 year olds holding a beer can, getting drunk. FB needs to be ran a little bit more professionally.....PLUS i know a lot of people who have FB and I really don't feel like adding everyone that "I know of" as friends if he request me. I'm well liked by other people, but don't want to be involved with having people know what I'm up to! I like to be MIA and keep people wondering. lol so no.....you're not wrong for being turned off by someone who has a FB account. I understand what u mean! but it doesn't bother me if my bf has a fb account

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010):

Well said ' Loveistheanswr' exactly, the reason you use facebook is to communicate with friends and family, to reconnect with old friends.

But as you use f-book for those admirable reasons you DON'T see the other side of f-book, and this is what this 18-21 year old is trying to point out, as yet, he doesn't have family to communicate with half-way around the world, and a lot of females on there are just casual sex toys..I'm a woman who say's it as it is...and before you judge, I research these things professionally.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010):

Hoorahhh! at long last, an emotionally mature guy who is VERY selective and not swayed by the mainstream sheep like females who post a profile on FB!

And guess what, I too, am Not a fan of social networking, it's juvenile and flirty at best, at worst has caused so many relationship break-ups, fact: 20% of divorces have sited Facebook in divorce proceedings. It's brilliant, I'm sure for those who are genuine, family's, who are living in different pats of the world who need, and want to connect, but overall it's a site used for hooking up with those who have not moved on much from kindergarten, who enjoy posting half-naked photos, and connect by lude communication.

You sound an individual to me..and not a follower.. Congratulations!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010):

So you basically want a girl with few friends and no easy way to get in touch with them. Do you hang out with 16 year old girls because I am pretty sure facebook is just an easy way to connect with people. Get over yourself.

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A female reader, loveistheanswer United States +, writes (11 December 2010):

loveistheanswer agony auntI'm sorry but you must be hanging around the wrong girls if you think tht every girl with a Facebook account is immature. Facebook has been an awesome way for people worldwide to reconnet and better connect with people in their life who live at a distance, to renew ties and make existing ties grow stronger. Also, to network for mutual support on very many important hobbies, interests, causes, etc... I'm sorry but it's not Facebook that's the problem, it's the people you've been hanging around... Facebook is just a tool, use it well or abuse it, the choice is up to you. Those same people that misuse facebook misuse people in real life and if they are good people in real life they will not do stupid stuff on Facebook. Enough said. For me Facebook has been really great to help me stay in better touch with my family in another country, become closer to a lot of my husband's family, reconnect with a few old friends from school, and network for mutual support on a few causes and interests important to me. I wouldn't give up Facebook for anything!

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