A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been dating same girl for 4.5 years now. We dont live together and dont have children. Over last 2 years we have grown apart.Today we had a long talk and we both agreed we need time apart from each other. We decided a month of no contact would be enough to see if we missed each other, then we could take it from there.Although she agreed we needed the time apart, she wont do it because she says; she is worried that she might like being apart and not want to come back me!I thought that was the point of it.I honestly do not know anymore if I will miss her or even want to get back together, and I think she feels the same. But we wont know until we do it. A few years ago, I missed her after less than an hout going by, but now I can leave her or take her without fretting.I need some ideas on what to do next.Thanks
View related questions:
get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 Basically it sounds like the both of you are ready to move on, but scared to actually take the plunge and break up. It's scary to leave the comfort of a long term relationship, but it sounds like that's what you're both ready to do and what you both want. I'm guessing that you mostly just don't want to break up because what you have is comfortable and familiar and you're scared to lose that permanently. It's also tricky to end a relationship where you drift apart and there's nothing that really happens to make you end the relationship.
I think you both need to talk about this and you should explain your feelings and say that you'd like to move on. Don't drag it out over a week pretending you want to fix things.
A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (16 October 2011):
 Maybe you should just make a complete break. It sounds like your relationship has run its course. If you're not even living together after 4.5 years, or there's no talk of marriage on the horizon, I should think your poor girlfriend is wondering if time is passing her by and she's wasting her time. Women want,and need,emotional security. I suspect you are happy to carry on the relationship as you are, but she obviously isn't. I think she's ready to move on and find somebody who wants to have a future with her. If you want to have a future with her yourself then you'd better tell her now before it's too late. If you don't then you should let her go.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2011):
I've never really heard of a time where a break and no contact has actually worked long term. I'm sure a few have, but most of the time if you're having to take a break and stop contact, then the relationship is over.
The thing is, I've always thought that a break doesn't solve the problems people have. It's just a way of ducking your head in the sand and hoping they'll just go away. But problems never just 'go away' because of breaks and no contact. If you two have grown apart, then you should be working together to fix that. You shouldn't be entirely leaving and doing the whole 'no contact' thing.
To me, it sounds like your relationship may have either gone as far as it can, or that you both need to put far more effort into it. I don't think this break and 'no contact' will do anything other than briefly make the problems go away before they come back.
...............................
|
