A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, can someone help me figure out who i am? im 18 and a virgin, the only guys ive kissed are ones ive got with while clubbing (too many to count) the problem is im going off to uni in september, and im not sure what ill end up doing. like even though im a virgin, i think about sex all the time and while, for example, i watch porn, i think id love to be that woman in the video! i think about threesomes, have masturbated with just about anything, etc. my morals keep changing, used to think ill wait til marriage but now the thought makes me laugh coz theres no way ill be waiting! am just worried my morals might completly go out the window, like a a lot of the time think theres nothing wrong with sleeping around as long as youre having fun! are these just thoughts or will i end up like that in uni? should it be ok for me to do things like that?? i just dont know anymore!
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female
reader, SallyR87  +, writes (6 February 2011):
 You sound exactly like me at the same stage in my life. I was so straight during high school but really curious. I kept it bottled up. As soon as the uni years came around it seemed like a sexual avalanche. Before I knew it, I had all the stresses and scares that went with living out my pornographic fantasies, plus the social stigma of being a sexually notorious girl. Until you find that special someone, the less sex the better I say.
n the mean time, take it easy, be discrete and maintain sexually healthy practices. That means always using a condom and you and your partner(s) getting regular check-ups.
A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (6 February 2011):
 Why are you asking everybody else to define your actions?
Live for yourself, just be conscious of what you're doing.
It's.. sort of natural to want to be the woman in the porn video. When you're sexually frustrated and anxious to experience pleasurable things, watching something you view as ultimately pleasurable would obviously result in wishful, lustful thinking. What you have to do is make sure you draw a line across reality and keep it there.
Fantasies are one thing, but being a virgin you don't know what sex is like. You don'tknow what your morals are because you have no experience to base them on. You want to have sex, and you seem like a very sexual person, but don't rush into it, because sometimes it's not the way you imagine it to be before you've tried it.
I used to think i'd be happy doing threesomes, sleeping around etc. until i actually lost my virginity and now i can't imagine being with anybody i don't know or trust or love completely.
Stop worrying about being a slut, or what will happen to your morals. Your morals are, what they are and you will know how you feel about things when you experience new things. You have to accept the way you feel (that you want to have sex) or you'll push everything around in your brain until nothing makes sense and relationships will be impossible and so will enjoying anything sexual.
Let yourself do what you want as along as you a) don't regret it, b) don't hurt youself and c) don't hurt anybody else. Everything else you will learn in time. and your morals will grow from there.
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A
female
reader, ailemaaax  +, writes (6 February 2011):
It is all up to personal opinion, if you consider it "wrong" to sleep around. Yes, it could be perceived as being slutty and some people won't like it, but so long as you aren't getting with people's boyfriends, there's really nothing wrong with it. You're just using your body to get pleasure, which you have every right to do.
I would recommend, however, that the guy you do it with the first time is someone who you have been seeing for a while, not just a one night stand. I know a lot of people who regret their choice of partners for their first times and wish it has been with someone they care about!
Also consider that when you get into a serious relationship, the number of guys who have slept with may have some effect on it. I had slept with 5 guys when I starting dating my previous boyfriend, who I dated for 2 years. We were both 17 and after being with him for a while, I began to wish that I had saved myself for him. I don't think he ever really got over the fact that he wasn't the first guy to have me, especially because we were both so young and it was both of our first relationship, and he had never been with anyone but me. I think that our relationship might have worked out a bit better if I had been a virgin or maybe only done it once before.
Not trying to scare you into staying a virgin until marriage, but that is just one example of how being quite sexually active for my age has affected my life.
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A
male
reader, Birdman21  +, writes (5 February 2011):
I don't know if your morals will go out the window. Girls that I know personally, that are about our age, went one of three ways upon losing their virginity. Some come to regret it and actually become more morally restricted as a result. Some love it, but only because its with someone special. Others love it even more, and take to sleeping around, oftentimes cheating on their boyfriends for guys strictly for purposes of sex. We call the latter category sluts. The honest answer is that I don't know how you will end up because by the sound of things you have never even been in a truly sexual situation or relationship. Youll know how you will react when that time comes. I'd tell you to wait for someone special, someone who cares about your needs and feelings, but by the look of your post you would rather it be two well hung models from a club. Maybe its time for some reevaluation and research on the consequences of reckless, promiscuous sex.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (5 February 2011):
"are these just thoughts or will i end up like that in uni?"
We can't see the future. But this is something you have control over. Not something that just will happen.
"should it be ok for me to do things like that?"
You have to answer that question. If you do that, that means you are ok with it. The problem is, what happens if after doing it your morals change again and you think that you did wrong. Or if you end up falling in love with a guy who thinks that having sex for fun, is wrong.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 February 2011):
 I think you're pretty normal actually, you just haven't been tested. You haven't fallen in love yet. I was just like you once. All my friends had, had sex, but me. It wasn't because I wasn't interested. It was because I hadn't met anyone I felt comfortable enough to be that intimate with.
Relax, the time will come, and when it does you will be doing it for the right reasons. You'll know him when you meet him. Just be prepared. You don't want to wind up pregnant or with an STD.
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