A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for almost a year. Things started to get more serious the past few months, but then we had to stop seeing each other. Apparently, he was married this whole time and I never knew about it. She just recently found out about us, I haven't heard from him since. I sent a couple emails to him, but I didn't hear a response. My guess is that he's trying to work things out in his marriage, but I feel like such a fool because I fell in love with him. I never even got to say goodbye. Obviously, things are over between him and I, but I'm having a difficulty moving on because he meant so much to me. I'm not going to keep emailing/texting him, since I have a feeling that his wife is keeping close tabs on him. I just have all of these unsaid thoughts and feelings...I need closure. Do you think sometime down the road that he'll contact me? I'm just heart-broken and I know I need to move past this, but I never got to say goodbye...how do I move on?
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female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 You don't need closure, the matter is closed, you just didn't get the ending you wanted. Not every relationship will end with drawn-out goodbyes, and tearful well-wishing. It sounds like it was an ugly ending to an ugly relationship. No matter how he seemed with you, he was not being honest, and underneath whatever nice things you shared, he was doing something disgusting the entire time by cheating on his wife (and it sounds like he might realize that now too). Instead spending time/energy wishing you could "say goodbye", realize that part has already happened, although not how you might have liked it to. Accept that its over, and he was NOT the person you remember him to be. Do not hope that he will contact you again, as an advocate of marriage, I certainly hope he doesn't. Find a way to have some sympathy for his wife, and realize he was probably sleeping with both of you at the same time. It wasn't something you would have wanted to continue, and its better that its quickly and decidedly over. Good luck moving on...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Okay, you have been done a favor. The guy was a dog to step out on his wife for you and not tell you he was married. If I was in your position, I'd never want to see him again. He is where he should be, and that's groveling at his wife's feet for forgiveness.
He would have done the same thing to YOU if the relationship had continued, and isn't worth your time or your unvented feelings. That's what good girlfriends are for! Don't look back at him. Look forward and find a guy who ISN'T lying about his marital status. You will fall in love again!
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 I understand your feelings as I was and am in love with a married man too for almost 4 yrs.
Letting go is very hard, there are times in our solitude we think so much of him, but we need to learn to let go and accept the truth, that he will never come back. Perhaps one day, you'll come across him again but both your feelings will be different when that time comes, so I would suggest, just let go and move on.
Try to divert and focus on something else that will help your mind off him like focus in your career and set some goals to become successful, this is very helpful. Go out with friends or perhaps try to meet new guys. Think of things that will keep you busy. It will not be easy but time will heal. GOODLUCK! Take care of you
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