A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What should I do?? do I go see him or not?my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2years..he started accusing me of cheating when i wasn't and i later found out that he was the one cheating and chose the girl over me...saying am a nice girl,loving passionate, caring and everything but he just needed a companion and i was the one for him. obviously i was heart broken.anyways his mum just died.. and my mum thinks i should go see him.but i dont really wanna go cos his GF(who he chose over me) is gunna be there. and i kinda dont wanna see him hurting. but am gunna give my mum a card to give to him.is that ok??am not sure what to do..:) am sad too:)thnx..xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 April 2010):
He is your cheating ex. Leave him in the past. No matter how much pain he is in, this is not your problem. No mail either. Leave him in the past.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): "anyway his mum just died..." ANYWAY?!!!
I'm concerned you desire to reach out to a man who abused your trust, and apparently, your feelings. I would erase the idea of owing anything to your ex. Sounds to me you want to reach out to him with the death as a very legitimate excuse. The reason I'm concerned is you opened the question with a profile of how your ex was a bad choice and why. Perhaps you have a bad habit of caring for and nurturing abusers. I'm sorry to offend you, but you sound like a victim.
What respect do you owe his mother?. Were you close to her? Whatever friendship and honor she deserves, just go get it done. Be nice, be cordial, feel what you have to feel, and if you have to, ignore and turn your back on anything that takes the focus off your deceased friend, and just get that job done.
If your ex has a girlfriend there, you don't owe her anything, you guys don't know each other. Don't be mean, but you don't have to do anything. In fact, you don't even have to talk to her or look at her. As a practical matter, put your focus on your deceased friend, and put your ex out of your mind; there are more important things than running to nurture a man who won't have you.
Please don't walk into this emotional lion's den with the perception of taking care of him. Go take care of the friendship, if any, you had with his mother!
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