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My love for a colleague is stopping me from being productive at work!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2010)
A female Botswana age 30-35, anonymous writes:

im hopelessly in love with someone at work, unfortunately he sees me as a friend only. we share an office, meaning we spend 12 hours everyday in the same room.

i kinda asked him if we could date and he made it clear to me that he sees me as a friend.

im considering exchanging offices as im no longer productive at work.

this also seems so unproffesional. but i cant seem to get over him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010):

Awww hugs to you!!!! I've been in your shoes, same scenario, I had a huge crush on my coworker, he didn't feel the same way, and I feel your pain because I was devastated, not to mention embarrassed as I still had to work with him, shameful...But I'm glad he turned me down, we are best friends, he introduced me to my current Man, his brother!!! We talk and hang out all the time... Try being friends, get over the infatuation, find his negative points and fixate on that!

Hope you can keep your job it is kinda crummy to mess it up over a crush... Good luck!!!!!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (16 April 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntI would say that you were indeed unprofessional in asking your colleague on a date. I really think this is just an infatuation, as you don't really know him well enough to be truly in love. It is a deep crush, so keep in mind it is a fantasy on your part. It would probably be best for you to ask for a transfer, as it sounds as though you are not mature enough to work in the same environment as him.

It is generally a very bad idea to try to date a co-worker if you cannot tolerate a negative response to your advances. I'm sorry for your situation, but I think this is a good time for you to learn this lesson and now I would advise that you focus 100% on your work. Be polite, pretend you are not affected, and if you cannot get him off your mind, try some aversion therapy.

Wear an elastic band (we call them rubber bands here in the US) around your wrist, and every time you start to think about him or the rejection, SNAP that band, so that it stings a little. Every time. Eventually, you will tire of having that pain and your thoughts will leap immediately to the pain and bypass the thoughts of him.

Good luck.

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