Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): My culture is strict as well, no pre-marital sex. Dating isn't allowed. Marriages can still be arranged. Most families go into it believing girls who have not been married previously are virgin.You've basically disrespected yourself, and your family - if your culture is the same way.I actually don't plan to marry within my culture, but still decided to wait for marriage. The person you may end up marrying deserves free will, meaning they deserve the right to choose if they want to be with you after you've made your choices. And if they don't then they may not be worth your time.I'm tired of virgins/non-virgins, lying about their status. Just be you. And off-topic, but I'm tired of bi-sexuals entering relationships as straight - just be you. People deserve the right to know if they want to be with you.If someone would not be with you for the choices you made, why would you want to be with them?
A
female
reader, BadderzGirl  +, writes (15 August 2009):
No mate. Just no. You had sex, ergo you are not a virgin.But if what you are planning is abstaining from sex until you find another guy and trying to pass yourself off as a virgin...it'll probably work seeing as you'll be gagging for it and the slightest touch will probably set you off. Although there are certain places you can go where you can be a 'born again virgin'. The one's I have heard about are for Christians and you can find 'em both sides of the pond.So you can maybe go there if you want to 're-purify' yourself. And you can also wear a purity ring to remind you of what you are doing. Good luck in whatever you do!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 August 2009):
 Why would you lie about it?
I'm 100% with Emilysanswers.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): i lost it to someone that i wanted to marry someone that to this day is the love of my life. but do to poor life choices on his part i dont want to be with him anymore and in my culture you need to be a virgin until u get married so i dont know wat is going to happen when i get married..a lot of guys in my culture look at that and it is going to be hard to deal with that if i say im not a virgin.
...............................
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (13 August 2009):
 It doesn't sound like the OP is actually engaged at this point. I think she just wants to know if going without sex for a few years will make it seem like she is a virgin again when she does end up getting married.
If whoever marries her does so thinking she is a virgin only to find out years later in the marraige that she wasn't, it will devastate him.
Honesty really is the best policy here. This is something you want to get out in the open early in the relationship. This way her man will have time to process it.
Having sex only three times shouldn't be such a huge hurdle for a man to get over.
It's when the girl has had partners numbering in the double digits that it becomes a turn off for some men looking for a marraige partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (13 August 2009):
 I first lost my virginity at 14-though it was through peer pressure and i bled then, however because i was so tense he couldn,t penetrate me properly. The second time was a few months later and cos the 1st time was so uncomfortable i couldnt relax properly.I bled then too.The third time was with my 1st serious boyfriend and he made sure i was relaxed enough that everything went well.Do you have the kind of relationship with your fiance that you can be open and honest enough with him about your sexual history?If you were not relaxed enough the 1st 3 times you had sex that might explain why youve bled each time.Ask him to be gentle and give you enough foreplay so you can enjoy it.If you cant be honest about having sexual partners before him remind him that the hymen can be broken through exercise not just sex.One of my younger relatives hymen was broken this way when she was 9.It is better starting a relationship with honesty, though depending on your circumstances maybe honesty isnt always the best policy.I doubt you'll bleed again,though if you do you should see your doctor or your nearest sexual health clinic.Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.Kahlan
...............................
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (13 August 2009):
Do you mean you could lie to your husband about it? Probably. Would he believe you? Maybe.Would it be wrong and a betrayal to your husband to make him believe that you were a virgin when you aren't? Absolutely.Just tell him the truth. If he loves you he'll stick with you. Most men don't expect to marry a virgin these days anyway. Every action has consequences. Having your husband deal with the fact that other men have been inside of his wife is just one of those consequences.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): wirginity is like a once off sale.once its gone its gone, no matter hiw much you delude yourself that you are one, you ain't. please do not try to hoodwink your future husband. he would be able to smell a fake.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 August 2009):
You are not a virgin and should not lie to your husband about it.
If he loves you then he should not care about this.
If you are trapped by religion and family expectation then you should look into your options. There is lots of help out there for women who are being put into arranged marriages.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): what do you mean will you pass,To a guy, maybe. To a doctor No.You have bigger issues though like why are you lying about this and what else are you lying about?
...............................
| 