A
female
age
,
*ate 1957
writes:I have been going out with my man for 10 months we get on very well, but I have just found out that he is still in contact with an old girlfriend and one night when she called at his house they had sex. He swears he will have nothing else to do with her but how do I trust them as I live 40 miles away. She phoned me and told me a lot of stuff which he says is not the truth, he says she is only trying to come between us but who do I believe? Also she knows a lot of very personal stuff about me which he must have told her. I love him but feel very hurt he is saying not to let her win and promises to ignore her phone calls and not to let her into his home again. Will I give him another chance and how do I learn to trust him again. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (15 August 2007):
Forget this. Who cares if it is a "one off"? How many other one offs will there be? This isn't Jerry Springer or Maury Povich where a one off is just a regular and every day thing.
She's meddling, he gave in, and somehow she knows a bunch of stuff about you. Leave now. This is a dumb game that should stay in middle school. You don't deserve this, but maybe they deserve each other.
A
female
reader, skye +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I agree with flower girl. Sounds like his ex wants to meddle in your relationship.
This really comes down to trust, and trust always has to be earned. Can you really trust a man who would cheat on you with his ex and tell her personal things about you? I understand your concern about living miles apart, but this could have happened if he lived around the corner. You deserve a man who will be faithfull to you and who you can trust no matter where he is.
Only you can tell for certain whether you truely believe his repentance and could allow yourself to trust him with all your heart again. I believe we just "know" these things. If you have any niggly doubts about this relationship they will show.
I know you will make the best decision for you. You are the only one who knows how you feel about this situation. Listen to that little inner voice.
Take care,
Skye
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 August 2007):
 You have every right to be worried and concerned about what is going on here. She called at his house and they had sex, he said it was a one off, but can you really believe that. You live 40 miles away, she could very well be going there more than you think. He is also telling this ex of his personal things about you which i think is just unacceptable to say the least.
Whether you give him another chance and learn to trust him again is a desision only you can make.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I'm sorry to say it, but I couldn't trust someone again if they did that to me, no matter how much they tried to reassure me. I've been cheated on in the past and stayed with the guy for a while, and I know from experience that the doubt in the back of your mind never goes away.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Thats a decision only you can make, i would be quite concerned by the fact he is telling his ex things about you that are personal though and the fact she was able to get your phone number.
Maybe it was only a one off and she is just saying these things to stir it up, but are you ever going to know for sure?
Take care.xx.
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