A
male
age
,
*obbey
writes:Next door neighbor - women and I have had a friendship/sexual relationship on and off for the past seven years. About 16 months ago she came to me and told me she loved me and wanted a relationship. At the time she was depressed and not happy with herself at all. I politely told her I was not wanting to get into a relationship at this time. Nine months or so she started dating a guy. We remained good friends and became best friends. She gave me the indication at the time this was nothing but sexual and might go some place.We see each other a lot more in the summer and started hanging out quite a bit. She is now a perky vibrant very fun to be around woman. Her mother, best friend and my daughter - they are fairly close now kept telling me how she still loved me and that if I felt for her I should tell her. About a month ago I told her that I wanted her to become my girlfriend and have a serious relationship. Her initial reaction gave me the impression she was "very interested" in her words. But - her boyfriend had been very good to her and she couldn't just drop him like that to give me time. We spent most of our free time together professing our love. Well she is still his boyfriend and our time together gets less and less. I know exactly how much time they are spending together and it is driving me crazy!What is a man to do???
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 As hard as it may be i think it is probably best to go and see her as her friend and tell her that you can see how happy she is now in her current relationship, that you realise it's time for you to move on as you can not wait for her forever as much as you would like to and wish her all the best for the future and that you are really happy for her.
You then have your pride and you will get over this and meet someone that loves you back truly.
Take care.xx.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 You had your chance and you blew it.
Now that you two are friends, why would she risk that by getting into a relationship with you? If it fails, she loses both a good provider friend, and a boyfriend.
She is right to stay with her boyfriend. You abandoned her when she needed you to be there, and he went for it.
The only way you are going to make her feel otherwise is to address her fear of abandonment from you. That is the emotional need you originally violated.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 I don't think she really loves you. On the basis of past mistakes of this sort, I can tell you this much: if I were you, I would simply walk away in silence. No harm done to either party, and you can still save the friendship if you're both interested on it. And, if she wants your love, she will come your way when she notices you're gone.
Keep your spirits up.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (27 June 2007):
 If she's already got a boyfriend and seems happy with him, pursuing a romantic relationship with you seems unlikely. She's probably flattered but a little confused because you pushed her away initially and now that she's found love and turned her life around, you want some of that pie! I know this is painful but short of moving, you may have to be content with her friendship and hope that eventually she and the boyfriend will fizzle out. Maybe she is, in her own way, trying to figure out how to let the boyfriend down easily. Be patient. Be her friend and see what happens. Good luck!
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