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Wife's friend is dating her ex, and I overheard them talking about his penis. I'm not happy!

Tagged as: Friends, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2012) 10 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2012)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Should I be pissed off or not. My wife's friend is really hitting on a guy who used to date my wife. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please.

I don't think this information should have been said. That's only for me and my wife to know. My wife doesn't know I overheard her talking to her friend. Do I confront her about her complete lack of respect for me and our marriage? I mean talking about an ex's penis is not right. never.

Also, the 'buys stuff', should I pull out all of my wife's jewelry and clothes that I didn't or we didn't buy and ask her where they came from? If from him, do I throw those things out?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (28 March 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWhat everyone else has said.

1. you are over reacting.

2. you have no say in her things from before the marriage

3. you might benefit from some counseling to figure out why you are so jealous of someone who is in her past and clearly not as important to her as you are... where is your insecurity coming from???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012):

OMG if you are over reacting over a small dick, I dare not think what would happen if he had a big one!

Throw her stuff out only if you want to be arrested

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012):

It was only girl talk

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (28 March 2012):

CindyCares agony auntIt could be worse :) You could have have overheard your wife saying that her ex had the biggest dick she has ever seen, and that he was a god in bed. Now, THAT would have done for a nice plump fat retro-active jealousy thread on DC for the joy ( ...groan .. ) of the Aunts.

Grow up,already, or see your counselor.You have married your wife, you haven't bought her at a slave auction. She is a person with her own past, her own memories, and her own opinions about that past, and she is perfectly free to share them with whomever she wants. Particularly insofar the comment about the ex did not involve longing , or missing him, or disparaging you, or making comparisons- anything that might have made you feel emotionally threatened .

As for disposing of her personal belongings,no matter where they come from, I hope you are kidding and I hope you realize you would be breaking the law. A particularly pissy wife could press charges for that.

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A female reader, Wisdom Australia +, writes (28 March 2012):

Wisdom agony auntTotal over reaction. No disrespect was done to you or your marriage. It was an off handed comment that was said between her and her friend. You should be ashamed eaves dropping. Your insecurities will drive your wife away if you are not careful.

You can not just get rid of her stuff becuase you are having a tantrum.

Time to grow up kiddo.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012):

You should definitely talk to her about how her comment made you feel. I don't think she was trying to disrespect you when she said that to her friend, but if it made you upset you can't help that. I can see where talking about an ex's genitals (no matter what the reason is for it) can trigger a little jealousy or insecurity. I think as long as you don't say anything to her you're going to be angry at her and feel like crap. And when you do bring it up, don't make it a confrontation, just calmly tell her how you feel and why. I think once you do this you can put it behind you, and you'll also stop wanting to throw her stuff out.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 March 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIf you calm down and purge the 12-year-old personna out of your brain.... you can read this submittal again and again until it sinks in that it's quite an embarrassment to you... and you should delete it and forget that you ever wrote it.....

P.S. How is it that YOU became privy to the dimensions of this guy's penis????

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (28 March 2012):

person12345 agony auntYou need to calm down. I am not hearing anything wrong that your wife did, this sounds like a case of retrograde jealousy on your part. It's not like she said he's great in bed and she wishes she was with him or had a huge penis, she said he's small and that he tries (which I interpret to mean isn't good in bed). Why is her ex's penis size any of YOUR business/why should that be something that stays between you two? Your wife wasn't talking about you at all, she was trying to give her friend advice about a man she is no longer with and doesn't want to be with. You need to calm down. She hasn't done anything wrong.

Throwing out your wife's things is COMPLETELY out of line. You have no right to do that or to even be demanding she tell you the origin of her belongings. Unless she gets something that makes you think she's cheating, you have no right to be demanding this information, let alone throwing it away if it doesn't meet your standards.

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A female reader, peacelovecandy United States +, writes (28 March 2012):

peacelovecandy agony auntI don't think you should be mad. It sounds like she's just encouraging her friend to get with this guy. If she still had any feelings for him, she wouldn't be telling her friend good things. The "cute dick" part was a little over the top, but there's nothing to be angry about, so you could confront her about it but not in a rough matter - it's just not necessary. Also, don't throw any of her things out. That'd just be extremely rude and I highly doubt she would forgive you for it. Just because you didn't buy it with her doesn't mean this certain ex bought it for her. Even if he did, it doesn't need to be thrown out. My ex bought me a pair of $60 Adidas and some other material items, and my boyfriend couldn't care less that I wear them all the time.

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A female reader, DanceInTheDark Canada +, writes (28 March 2012):

DanceInTheDark agony auntNews flash: You don't get to throw her things out. How would you like it if she decided she just wanted to throw your things out?

Honestly, you're overreacting, She mentioned a few facts to her friend, they were having 'girl' talk, that's what they do. It's not like she was lusting after him, she was just giving her friend the low down.

You are way to insecure, if you keep this up I can honestly say you're not going to have your wife for long.

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