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Why won't my girlfriend touch me?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 August 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, *eadTwitch writes:

My girlfriend will not touch me. We've been together almost seven months and I'm depressed every day. We recently started being more sexual, and I touch/please her, but all I get in return is making out. I don't think this is fair, but I don't want to pressure her to do anything she isn't comfortable with... She says she is just afraid of not being good enough and I'm constantly saying she is good enough, but I just don't know what to do anymore..... Before you say anything don't suggest breaking up cause that won't happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

I agree with nightfairy11 and bad romaance here. I am one of those girls that was INTENSELY shy about touching my man. I didn't even start touching him sexually until after we were already having sex (after 1 year of being together).. And I was terrified. I was worried I was going to mess something up or ruin something, and another part of me was just still very embarrassed and shy. I had never been sexual with anyone before, and I am already an intensely tactile person so it was hard. I don't like physical contact with people generally, and he was one of the few people I actually opened myself to and enjoyed physical contact with.

So be patient, buff up her confidence, make her feel wanted. Let her know that there is nothing you crave more than to be with her and to feel her. Guide her, show her what to do and tell her how you like it. Sometimes all the other party needs is a little pushing and to feel wanted.

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A male reader, rivi United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

If you're not prepared to threaten leaving her over this then you need some urgent couples counselling.

Or a total heart to heart talk . If you can't have full on sex with her then in what sense is she your gf ?

And what are you getting out of the relationship that compensates for the constant sexual frustration ?

You would get more fun and better companionship out of sharing with a male roommate while waiting for a more affectionate girl to come along.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

Odds agony aunt"Don't suggest breaking up cause that won't happen."

This sort of attitude is actually counterproductive to a healthy, long-term relationship. Certain things are (and should be) dealbreakers. Just a general tip.

As for your specific question, she's probably sexually inexperienced - virgin or near-virgin. She may be conflicted about giving it up. Seven months is ages in today's world, though.

Reassuring her is good up to a point, but eventually she'll just be fishing for compliments with the knowledge that she does not have to earn them. Your job is to make her feel comfortable and happy, not to make her feel like God's gift to celibate boyfriends. Let her know (gently and reasonably, of course) that she needs to either make a firm declaration of celibacy, or reciprocate your affections. You are certainly free to remain with her, but her refusal to make a decision is detrimental to the relationship and must be dealt with.

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A female reader, bad romaance  Ireland +, writes (1 August 2010):

bad romaance  agony auntShe could just be scared, she might have never done this type of stuff before with anybody.

I was soo scared my first time, but i only done it once i felt comfortable enough to do it with some encouragement from my boyfriend all you can do is make her more comfortable.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (1 August 2010):

RAINORFIRE agony auntshes lying about something maybe she doesnt like but stays with you cuse she doesnt want to hurt you... stop doing all the stuff you do for her... shell get the hint

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

Of course you shouldn't just break up. She might be shy and just doesn't want to tell you, maybe she is not used to it and just need some time. Take her hand and put it where you want it, tell her in her ear "it's OK, don't be afraid." or "come on, it's OK" do this a few times until she gets used to it, make her feel wanted and safe. She needs some time.


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A female reader, xxxcz me United States +, writes (31 July 2010):

xxxcz me agony auntlook, you just have a stubborn girlfriends who is lying about reasons she cant be arsed to give you some pleasure in bed.

just reasure her till annoys the crap out of her and she is forced to say she feels she will be good enough

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