A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I suspect the possible answers to this one, but just want to be sure.A friend of mine, not spoken to her since July, I made all the effort, it wasn't given back.I sent her a letter last week as I heard it was an anniversary that wasn't too pleasant for her family. I haven't received any recognition or gratitude yet for it! Sent it on Wednesday last week, it's Monday now, and nothing all weekend!Ouch, that sounds very rude, not sure there is an excuse it never arrived, but this makes me think I can't text her to offer my solace now.Is this how I should read this event? What could I have done that was so bad to be ignored, even in a time of sadness when I try reach out and am still blanked?!Thoughts and advice all welcomed, thanks all!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Well, she has obviously pulled away. I doubt we will ever know the real reasons. We could guess a few things but it could be anything. One thing to remember though is that if you know you have done nothing wrong, then it is her issues. She has her issues as to why she pulled away and it is not because you did anything or were responsible for anything. I would now let her go and no longer contact her. She hasn't responded, it is her turn to contact and she hasn't. Therefore, write her off unless she contacts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt Hannah and the anonymous writer, truth be told, she just went quiet, I did ask why, she went quiet, she said she does that from time to time.
Maybe I pressed too hard to ask what had changed as we used to be very close, then it regressed despite my efforts, I tried one more time after that, and haven't since, neither has she, but I am trying to be decent as a person, until I'm told implicitly to f$^k off.
I did want more,but this whole episode has put paid to that for sure because it has really affected me this whole saga of someone going quiet all of a sudden without explaining and me making a concerted effort.
Falling out, unless she feels that way, I'm completely unaware what I did wrong.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (5 September 2011):
It is hard to say, Did you ask to date her before July? Do you have feelings for her? Are you hoping she will be a girlfriend? Or, if you are just friends, did you fall out? I'm asking these questions as they will add to our possible advice. Thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): I can understand where you are coming from, all you want to do is be there for her and you are, im sure she got the letter and im sure she appreciated it. Some people deal with problems differently to others. Some people, like talking about their problems or if they are going through a bad patch. Others (like this girl) withdraw and prefer not to talk about it, because thats how they cope.
Try not to take it personally, what you did was a nice thought, which im sure it will not go un-noticed down the line. I would say just now she needs space for now, maybe in a couple of weeks give her a text or a call and ask how she is and just be let her know you are there for her, but leave it at that don't bombard her.
If you are still the one making all the effort after giving her space, then it would be time to accept that maybe its not a good time for her to get involved with anybody,perhaps because of whatever she is dealing with.
Good Luck.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): That was a nice thoughtful thing you did, however, I think it would be seen as an attempt to be friends again to resume contact. Therefore she hasn't responded as maybe its not what she wants.
(its possible she's moved or gone on holiday or is dating too)
Just leave it now, you've tried, if she wants to, she will respond or contanct you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Not sure you have given us any real information to offer a decent response. Why have you not spoken to her since July? Was there a falling out? This might help us understand much more about why she has not acknowledged your letter or why she has not spoken to you since July.
It pretty much sounds like she wants nothing more to do with you, but we can't say much without knowing more ourselves
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