New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244966 questions, 1084314 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Why was I ignored on Valentine's Day?

Tagged as: Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2013) 16 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2013)
A male United States age 36-40, *ohn is here writes:

My girlfriend and I currently having a long distance relationship , it transitioned to long distance only a few months ago . There is a guy where she lives that she sees often at the gym and i know they text often . Yesterday valentines day she ignored my call and text in the morning and didnt reply til afternoon which was very brief responses . Later that night she went over to his house ( still ignoring my calls / text ). When she gets home she tells me he asked her to come over because he was having emotional family problems and he had no one else to talk too . ( she said she ignored me because she didnt want to be rude to him during their conversation and she didnt find an appropriate time ) Should I be worried about her ? { she has lied to me before going to other guys houses because she says i would get mad in first place }

View related questions: long distance, text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (8 April 2013):

Forget her, find someone else asap who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Need not waste time over a horrible person like her. Or just talk to some people with good morals, it shouldn't be hard to find people like that. All the best man, and good luck!

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, john is here United States +, writes (7 April 2013):

john is here is verified as being by the original poster of the question

just to follow up . she was cheating and im done with her . tough because i didn't see it coming like that but im movin on strong . thanks for the responses btw , wasnt gonna post but i might be here again.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (18 February 2013):

llifton agony auntcan you really be certain that she was only there for a couple of hours? the reason i ask this is because i dated a girl one time that lived about two hours away (until i stupidly moved her out here with me - BIG mistake) a few years back and she used to "keep me informed" of all the places she was going and when. but the truth was that she was never where she said she was. for example, she told me one time she was going to the gym and then the store and then a friends house. where was she the whole time? with someone else! i didn't know! how could i? i was hours away. all i could do was go by what she was saying. this continued on for years before i finally caught on.

what i'm saying, is it possible that she was there for a lot longer than you thought? perhaps she never went those other places? just throwing that out there.

also, two hours is long enough to still be incredibly disrespectful. and also, it's plenty of time to do things she shouldn't be doing while having a boyfriend. plus, if she really was just consoling him, why couldn't she have sent you a text or called you while on her way over there to let you know that she would be MIA for a little while. that's what respectful people do.

i mean, maybe i'm wrong. i hope i am, for your sake. but she's got a bad track record with lying, according to you. this just doesn't feel like it's going to end well.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (17 February 2013):

She doesn't love you. Dump her asap and spare yourself from following her like a dog. Nothing you say will change her mind else she would have done so already (in terms of her respect for u). All the best!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

Alpha female or not, her priorities are messed up and you'd be better off with someone else.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, john is here United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

john is here is verified as being by the original poster of the question

THANKS FOR ALL RESPONSES - ADDING A FEW THINGS , she was only there for two hours ,dealing with an alpha female . not saying thit changes shit im just saying this isnt a typical situation although it seems that way.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (17 February 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntLol shes lying. Guarantee it man.Dont be naive. U dont go to a guys house to bring him a kleenex... For his tears anyway. Long distance is a waste of time end this n move on.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013):

Really? She had to ignore you just to help a male friend. It's obvious she's seeing him. I think you should put an end to this relationship. Why would she go to his house at night? He couldn't just call her and talk about it over the phone? It couldn't wait till the next day? Yeah I don't think she's the one for you. She can't just put you on hold, especially to go visit another male! FISHY!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

llifton agony auntshe ignored YOU (her boyfriend) on valentine's day because HE (not her boyfriend) was having emotional issues and she didn't want to be rude to him?!?! wowww.

Her priorities are all jacked up! AND she should have told you what was going on in the first place, if that was, in fact, what was really going on. but that's not really even the main point because that's NOT what was really going on.

your girlfriend is cheating on you. i can say this with about 99.9% certainty. i'd say 100% certainty, but i'll leave that .1% open in case i'm wrong (which i'm not).

drop this chick. you don't need that. in the off chance i'm wrong about the cheating, who really needs someone with that much of a lack of respect for you, anyway?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

If you ask a liar for the truth about a sensitive subject what do you get?

So you don't "know" how often she does whatever she does because you're taking her word and, as you said before, she's lied to you in the past.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"Sounds" to me like she's giving you all you need to realize that the best you can be is "Number Two" in her life. Are you content with that?????

Good luck....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, john is here United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

john is here is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I wanna add something's but before thank you for responses it's cool to see feed back . Some things I wanna add is that I know she texts him every other day because I asked her and she told me . Another thing is she went over to her house After training and was there for no longer than 2 hours . The thing that has me feelin weird is that I sent her a long thoughtful text in the morning and I get no reply . She replies in the afternoon after I texted her again and later that night she has practice and after practice she ignores me til she is back from his house

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (17 February 2013):

So, your LDR girlfriend spent Valentines with another guy.... There's no excuse for that, NONE, whether she was telling the truth and just being emotional support or lying and she was actually "with" him.

He is a big boy, and doesn't need your girlfriend to take care of him. And her not answering the phone because she didn't want to be rude to him? That's the icing on the cake.

I'm sorry but this relationship is undoubtedly over, the sooner you realize this the easier it'll be on you. Better to dump her than get dumped by her.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (16 February 2013):

chigirl agony auntYou do jump the gun when you assume she ignores you, just because she didn't immediately reply to your texts. And her replies aren't good enough for you, because they're apparently short. This tells me you aren't good at communicating with her. You expect things from her without having talked to her about your expectations, and then you feel snubbed when she doesn't act the way you want her to act (you think she ignores you when she might have been busy, or actually could have good reasons to not reply right away, and then when she does reply it's not good enough for whatever reason). You feel resentful towards her for some reason. Maybe she's let you down in the past. In that case, this shouldn't come as a surprise to you. You can't constantly get surprised if this is typical behaviour from her.

And then there's the guy. Again, you assume so much. She texts him often you say.. according to whom? Do you keep count of how many texts she sends him, versus how many texts she sends other people? Or maybe she sends him two texts a week and in your mind that's too much, because you would rather she didn't text him at all? It's all between the lines here in your question... all the things you don't say, but your assumptions say it all.

You either have good reasons not to trust her (and to then feel ignored, and to feel she gives him too much attention, and to feel put aside), or you are exaggerating, insecure and needy. If you DO have good reasons not to trust her, should you be with her at all?

If you DON'T have good reasons not to trust her I suggest you start working on your relationship by working on yourself first. Learn to trust. Learn to not always assume the worst. Learn to handle disappointment as a part of life. And learn to communicate your needs, such as, you need her to respond faster to texts, you need longer texts, and you need attention on Valentines day. If that's what you need to be happy in a relationship that's your choice. You can't get what you need if you don't ask for it. You got to communicate your needs.

As for the very last sentence: do you get mad when she visits boys? Does she have good reason to not tell you, because you react poorly? Or is this untrue?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (16 February 2013):

Abella agony auntThings sound a little wobbly indeed.

Very convenient that he had a really bad day on Valentine's day? Could it be that he cooked her a lovely meal for Valentine's day? And they enjoyed chilling and talking and she felt too guilty to message you in between?

Does not sound good. You deserved to be her priority on Valentine's day. She "didn't want to be rude to him," OK I get that. But instead was it OK to be rude to you? I don't get that.

Send the other guy a link to dearcupid.org so he can get his advice from this site, instead.

Then, if you can, make your way over to where she lives now next weekend, unannounced, and just drop in on her early Saturday morning. If she is not home them go over to visit him for a talk. That way you may be able to talk to the two of them together and ask, "what's happening guys?"

Sounds like she might be sussing out the new guy while keeping you on hold, just in case the new guy and her do not work out.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013):

She ignored you on Valentine's Day.

She has lied to you before.

A long distance relationship canNOT survive without trust.

I don't think this woman is trustworthy enough for you to continue a long-distance relationship or any kind of relationship with her.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Why was I ignored on Valentine's Day?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312952000022051!