A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I probably sound pathetic but sometimes things get to me and usually I have no-one to talk to because no1 understands. This week I told my boyfriend I would see him this weekend we both agreed (it fits in with us both). I called him. He answered. I said hello and he cut me off. I rang back a couple of times just in case it was my phone. Off him since was nothing - no call no text, no message or email. Usually this wouldn’t bother me but we were planning on having children in the new year, he does have mild mental health issues and I take these in to account. I thought just in case he was having a bad day and didn’t want to see me. (he didn’t sound like that on the phone ). I would call in and give him his xmas card. I knocked a couple of times. (I’m sure he had a lamp on and turned it off the first time I knocked). Anyway he hasn’t contacted me since. I’m thinking its pointless and I should think about giving up anymore of my life for him. He’s actually upset me and made me cry. I said no 'man' would ever do that again ) just a couple of week bk I said to friends I’d marry him in a heartbeat. Why do men do this ? Why do I always fall for 'men' who do this to me. I'm hating my life right now. It’s dragging me down so soon and so quick this needs to stop. I know I don’t need a man but I love him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2018):
 I think hold back on the children until you sort out these issues. I would never imagine my husband to ignore me like this nor me to him. It is quite cruel ignoring someone you love for no reason. It could be his mental health but he needs to let you in not shut you out, maybe this time off year is difficult for him? Either way please do not have children without getting to know each other properly and being sure it is going to work, as I have a feeling you may end up being a single parent if you get pregnant.
A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (25 December 2017):
You were planning on having kids in the New Year? You aren't married or living together. You have a few hurdles to jump over before children I think. Are you sure your expectations/perceptions of this relationship are realistic?
It's pretty much impossible to be ghosted by a partner who you are planning a family with as the mechanisms you need like a joint bank account, rental agreements or mortgages mean your lives are intertwined in a way that prevents a quick disappearance.
Is it possible that your perceptions about the relationship weren't aligned with this mans? Might you have been driving things too fast?
You stated that you thought you'd never let a man make you cry again. Well if you trust someone enough to share your life with them then you are definitely vulnerable enough for them to do that. It's part of the package. If you are closed off from them enough that they can't do that then your relationship isn't worth anything. Vulnerability in a relationship isn't a bad thing. It means that you trust them with your innermost feelings. You just have to choose your partner wisely enough that they treat your feelings as they would their own.
I'm very sorry this man has not done this, but your compressed plans for this relationship indicate some disordered thinking.
Try this for size- If your relationship is patchy,don't move in together, if you struggle to live together don't get married, if you can't be married, don't have kids.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (25 December 2017):
 Yeah I'm sorry why me? Does sound pathetic- YOU chose a partner that doesn't give you the respect you're due- furthermore the level of respect you demand from people shows how much you respect yourself.. people that choose partners that shit on them over n over have emotional issues and put up because they feel like they're not strong enough on their own.. well you ARE, you just need to be brave and assertive withyourself
TAKE A BREAK from him and work on yourself- if you KEEP choosing shitty men YOU are the one with issues you're not ADDRESSING. Try a new hobby do things on your own and if you feel underlying unhappiness in yourself then get therapy.
As for starting a family? Well he can't maintain or honour your relationship so will be able to keep a family running?
Be strong and be single, this is going nowhere. You can do it! Try and enjoy your Christmas! x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 December 2017):
 "Why me? Why now?"
Maybe you need to be more critical in your choice of partners?
Someone who will ignore you because they have a bad day instead of TELLING you they are having a bad day is not very mature nor a good partner.
Make up your mind RIGHT NOW to stop chasing this guy. He doesn't WANT you. I know that sounds harsh but that is what his actions show.
Take some time being single and finding happiness in yourself. A man is NOT the way to find happiness.
And LEARN from this? If someone treat you like crap? You don't go show up at their door for more disrespect!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 December 2017):
 You don't say what mental health issues he has but, if you are to plan a long term future with him, he needs to get help and treatment so that his issues don't affect your relationship more than necessary.
If you were to have a child and the child fell ill and he was having "a bad day", who would help you with the child?
Many people with mental health issues keep them under control with medication and therapy and live relatively normal lives. However this can only happen if they reach out for the help that is available.
You two need to sit down and talk. And PLEASE don't get pregnant until you are happy with what is happening. It is too late once you are pregnant. Don't compromise. You both have to be fully on board with bringing this new life into the world. If he is not capable of being a fully active father, then the onus will be on you to look after the child on your own. Are you prepared to do that?
Talk. You need to talk.
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