A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I would have been celebrating our 5th year together in December but in October he tells me that he feels like something is wrong with him, he thinks its an early mid-life crisis (he's 33), something is missing in his life, he feels empty, etc. He didnt ask for the ring back but I gave it back after he told me that he wasnt happy and he just didnt know why. All he's repeated is that famous bs line of "its not you its me". He's made it clear that there is no one else and I would know if there was due to our friendship circle. He told his friends and family that he just wasnt happy and needed to make himself happy before he could make me happy. He's said he loves me but can't lead me on when he doesnt know what makes him happy anymore. Im so lost. I need help to figure out what I should do. Ive stopped texting and doing anything to talk to him. I dont get responses from his family and we were all so close...I really need to know what other men his age think about this. He says that he loves me and its not me that made him unhappy that he should be the luckiest man on earth to have such a wonderful person love him but "things happen" he said that he could wake up one morning and find he's made the biggest mistake or when he comes to look for me i could be gone. What does this all mean????? Please someone help me. Im so depressed and upset all the time. I love him and want him to be happy but I also want to know what I did wrong for him to stop loving me.....Does anybody have a clue?
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female
reader, secret27wish  +, writes (28 November 2009):
I couldn't believe it when I came across your post. Aside from your engaged status, my situation is identical - we even had our talk in October too.
I don't know what to tell you because I am crying all the time too. Perhaps you will find comfort in this response, knowing that as crazy as your situation is, you are not alone in your pain and confusion.
My ex told me that he wants me in his life, that nobody makes him feel the same way, he wants a future together....but that he is so unhappy right now and needs to be on his own. There isn't anyone else in the picture either, and so I am constantly analysing the situation and making myself crazy. With Christmas around the corner, I feel even more depressed.
Message me, and we can talk about this. I know exactly how you feel. :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): I have tried to talk to him and all he tells me is that he's not happy and he thinks something is wrong and he needs to fix it. He told me he felt like all he was ever gona do is hurt those he loved and disapoint everyone. He hasnt responded to my past texts ( i havent sent him any since 11/11/09) so I cant get anywhere with him about why or what. Ive begged and his mom has begged that he see a counselor. He basically kicked me out and hasnt wanted anything to do with me since...he's told me in some text that he loved me and didnt want anyone else and cared about my feelings because it hurts him to hurt me. But its been since 11/11 and he's not sent me anything and none of his family or friends have talked to me either (besides his mom who sends me text to say she's thinking about me and praying for me) I can't help someone who doesnt want to be helped ya know? but i love him so much I want to help in some way. I just cant stop thinking that he doesnt want me and that bs line of "it's not you it's me" was just bs and it really is me because Im the only one he's not having anyting to do with. He's gone out with his brothers and their wives/fiance's. The holidays are coming up and its going to be really difficult. Im crying a lot but too scared to call him because the last time we talked he was ill towards me and cant give me answers. Are there any men out there who have been through this?
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 He seems depress, i think yes', yes you are not the reason that he is now unhappy, somethings really happen there but i think he do love you. its just that he is now in position that he is not stable emotionally. either you can stay communicating to him and love him and wait until he get better again. thats what i can call that you love him because you are giving him a chance to overcome this feeling and youre still there for him. OR" you move on to your life before you get derpress too.., dont punish your self, it is not your responsabilities and its not your fault that he is in this situation now. you have a right to be happy even somebody else is not happy. I wish you good luck dear....
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A
female
reader, Frenzotic  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Has he been stressed lately?
Sometimes it isn't the relationship that caused anything. There comes a time in life where people need to discover themselves again. I know it seems vague but some people lose their identity and need to go find themselves again, go and explore the world, take up new hobbies, find new interests in the world etc
He loves you but doesn't want to lead you on in believing he's happy in life..that's not to say you don't make him happy. He needs to fill other gaps in his life...he's just worried once he finds the rest of it and comes looking for you you may have moved on.
Don't cut communication with him. Keep in touch with him and see how he's doing, I know it's difficult when you're feeling lost yourself, but support him. Suggest things he could do to try and discover what he feels is missing. Try getting him to open up about what he feels and when he feels like this...it may help both of you.
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