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Why is he INNITIATING texts if he HATES talking to me?!

Tagged as: Crushes, Online dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2015)
A female South Africa age 22-25, anonymous writes:

A guy I like and will start dating soon (after the holidays) always randomly texts, then IMMEDIATELY ends our conversations abrutly, with a "good night".

We hardly talk now, if at all it is probably about once a week or twice at the most. As opposed to the interesting, long and engaging conversations we'd have before.

So he texts. Texting and social media communication are not the issues here I think.

What happens is that he'll say something sweet like, "Hey, just wanted to say I miss you" or "Hi, what's up coolcat?" and as soon as I find time to reply, he'll suddenly go on about how tired he is..."Ahh, but I'm so beat tonight. Night."

Our last convo:

He: "Hey, just wanted to say I miss you"

Me: "You're too sweet :)"

He: "Night then"

The trouble might be that we are both quite busy: he with moving houses 1,5 hours away, bonding with his visiting family over christmas, roping, sorting out classes for next year etc. And me with my part-time job, helping family business in my free time and also bonding with family/friends over tons of festive holidays. I understand that his lack of interested texts could be due to issues with time.

Yet I know that, personally, when I like someone enough, I'll even forgo a few hours of sleep just to get to talk to them. He doesn't even stay past 10:30pm... At least for me.....

This guy is online for hours after he says good night to me though.

Is he talking to family? Friends? Other girls?

I havn't addressed him as I'm scared to come off as desperate. But I get a nagging feeling that he might just be playing around with me and keeping me as on option B type of girl?

Or is this just insecurity coming through?

View related questions: christmas, text

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (1 January 2015):

You're just a text-buddy. Every now and then, he tosses you an obligatory-message. Only because that's all it takes. He's slipping away; because you are too reliant on social media. It's like giving a baby a pacifier. Send you a text, tell you he misses you, and you're good to go!


Stop using busy-schedules as your excuse. Messaging is not how you conduct and maintain a meaningful relationship. There is no feeling in it. Just cute phrases, sappy emoticons, and mindless abbreviations. My dear, you deserve way more than that. If he doesn't have the time, find yourself someone who does!

Either make time to spend together, or just be friends. Maybe that's how he keeps you in the "friend-zone." Always with a legitimate excuse he's too "busy;" and has too much to do, to spend actual face-time with you. Or, be bothered! Take your pick! A guy interested in a girl will make time for her!

How do you survive on crumbs? Put your phones away, spend some quality time together and get to know each other.

Kiss, hug, cuddle, hold hands, and make-out! Now that's how you conduct a relationship!

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom + , writes (1 January 2015):

Okay, I'll admit during the festive season that people do get very busy with family and friends and they may not have as much time to invest in building new relationships so that could explain why he's no longer engaging in long conversations with you. But, if a guy is really interested, he will usually try to maintain fairly regular contact even if he is busy. Your guy doesn't seem to be making much of an effort to do that with you.

The short little texts he sends you seem very unpersonal - he doesn't address you by name but calls you things like "coolcat" instead. I would wonder if he sent the same text to several girls and then only engages with one of the girls that responds.

The fact that he's said "goodnight" to you in a text or said that he's tired does not necessarily mean that he's going straight to sleep after this so there's no reason why he SHOULDN'T be online after he's spoken to you - maybe he's studying or catching up with his family. Who knows. But, I guess I would be miffed, if I noticed that the guy who was supposed to be interested in me was preferring to chat to everybody else on facebook or twitter or was actively checking his dating profile instead.

If it were happening to me, I too would believe that I had become the "option B" girl and I would try to stop actively pursuing him.

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntYou need to have real conversations, either in person or on a phone call, no more texting.

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