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Why has my boyfriend started calling me names and being horrible?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey guys (:

ive been with my boyfriend for almost 11 months now, weve generally been really happy together although he is rather prone to mood swings (a couple of times we almost ended the relationship over them). recently we spent a week together on holiday and since then (weve been back for two weeks) hes just started calling me names (ugly, boring etc) and making horrible 'jokes' about breaking up with me and stuff. he says hes joking sometimes, but sometimes he doesnt.

i try and laugh about it to keep him happy etc (because if i try to talk to him about how it really does upset me he gets even worse and calls me 'boring' for being upset), but yeah the things he says do hurt, because i really am in love with this guy and i really dont want this to end us!

when he IS really nice to me, it doesnt make me happy anymore it just makes me sad because i think he should be like this to me all the time. And hes mostly really nice/flirty to other people/girls.. which makes me REALLY jealous...and then but he still says he loves me :|

Help anyone? (: thanks! x

View related questions: jealous, on holiday

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (23 July 2009):

RAINORFIRE agony auntThis guy s a bum lose him you seem like a nice young woman there is a guy out there that will appreciate you and make you happy dont waste your time with one that wont you owe yourself better

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

Ok, he could be Bi-Polar! If not, its his way of trying to get you to break up with because he does not have the guts to. Just mention that you don't agree and realize that you don't want to travel done a road where you are not appreciated. Obtain some self skills on esteem and be the best young lady God intended you to be.

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A male reader, wherestheinstructions? United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

When he calls you names, you're not happy.

When he's nice to you, you're not happy.

Bottom line: you're not happy at all in this relationship.

He sounds very immature and doesn't appear to have much respect for you.

Time to end this relationship and move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

sounds like he wants to break up so but he's too much of a wimp to do it. save your energy and your feelings for someone who's worth the time and dump this loser

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A male reader, S-Breeze13 United States +, writes (22 July 2009):

I think he's trying to make you break up with him by being mean and hurting your feelings. If this is true, he's better off just telling you straight out that he wants to go his own way.

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A female reader, Quacked United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

Quacked agony auntI'm sorry that you are in this situation - torn between the guy you got with and what he's become. You need to ask yourself some serious questions; are you happy? Is there a future with this guy? How much are you willing to take?

You say that you still love this guy and don't want his behaviour to end the relationship but you aren't happy - even when he's being nice!

I understand that you love him but he seems to be controlling you by playing mind games. Is he really worth this heartache, aren't you worth so much more?!

I'd suggest leave him, he is either bored of the relationship but too cowardly to end it or he's hurting you deliberately. Either way he surely isn't someone you should consider a future with. There are plenty of men out there that would treat you as you deserve to be treated, take control and leave him to his hurtful ways.

Don't stay where you aren't appreciated!

Yours,

Quacked

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

smeedle agony auntDear god, just finish it with him and get over him, he is not really a nice bloke and is in fact trying to end it with you by being nasty and hurtful, people really do know that what they say hurts.

He wants to antagonise you so you will end it and he will then be able to slag you off to his mates.

Why put yourself through all this for something that is to all intents and purposes "over"

Bin him and move on

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A female reader, superbunny United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

superbunny agony auntDoesn't sound like you're happy, and therefore you shouldn't really be in this relationship - but as I am not a robot, I can understand it's not that easy!

He shouldn't be mean to you and you must not tolerate this bullying behaviour - nip it in the bud now or it will gradually spiral out of control because he will feel like he has complete control of you.

Keep trying to tell him how you feel and if he refusing authority - for example, "What kind of boyfriend calls his girlfriend boring when she tries to talk to him about her feelings?" which instantly makes him look like the weaker party: it throws his insult away from you and a question towards him shows it hasn't hurt you, but merely questioned your view about him as a person.

I hope this helps somehow!

x x x x

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A male reader, kurtyz United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

kurtyz agony aunti think u should tell him how u feel and i think somethin might be on his mind so goodluck.

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A female reader, loves_giraffes United States +, writes (22 July 2009):

well i have actually had the same problem before. you need to tell him how it makes you feel and let him knw that if there is not going to be changes in the way that he talks to you then there is going to be BIG changes.

if he dosnt make you happya nd he talks to you like that LEAVE HIM honey you can do better

hope this helps you

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