A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, I get told by many people that im beautiful looking and they seem shocked when I say I'm single. The problem is guys never seem to approach or ask me out, even at bars. I feel really self conscious about it because I always have my hair , makeup, done perfect and wear nice trendy clothes. But it seems they dont notice me. I'm old fashioned when it comes to guys asking girls out they should make the 1st move right?? normally im really shy and if i like a guy I seem to ignore them in case i say something stupid , i no its really stupid but i dont no why i cant act normal with them. and then i think it might be my weight im a uk size 14 maybe thats why they not interested in me . please help lol it may be something im doing i dont no. thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Why not ask out a guy? You are allowed to do that...and a lot of men appreciate the gesture. The problem with waiting for men to ask you is that you only get access to the men who bother to speak to you...you might miss out on a man who who shares a lot with, but might happens to be a bit shy.
As for why men don't ask you out...I doubt it's your size. This might seem counter-intuitive to you, but many men avoid women who are done up. I have 3 brothers and they all tend to avoid woman who dress for men. As one of my brother's puts it, "If she looks too good to be true, she probably is..." If a woman looks high-maintenance, it can turn off a lot of men. Perhaps dress a bit more casually, don't dress in the hopes of attraction men. A lot of men are looking for a companion, not neccessarily arm candy.
If you're unhappy with your weight, try being more active...but do it for you, not for men.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 The reason they don't approach you is because you probably put out a vibe that you're either not interested or that if they were to approach you they'd get turned away.
You probably don't know it, but the vibe you're putting out says 'I'm not interested, don't come even close.'
Maybe the fact that you're so well dressed and look so good is also making guys think 'as if she'd talk to me.' I'm not saying that you shouldn't dress well or look good, but what you have to do is appear friendly and approachable.
If a guy thinks he'll be rejected he's not going to come up to you.
And as for talking to guys you like, try approaching them as a friend only first. Have a normal conversation, don't think of dating, relationships, etc. Just have a conversation just like you would with a girl you just met.
Also, if you're always on the lookout for potential boyfriends, guys can usually tell. Don't fall into this trap.
And most of all, when you go out don't do it to meet someone. Go out to have fun with your friends. When a guy sees you in that environment, it'll be easier for him to strike up a conversation and you never know, you might get yourself a date.
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A
female
reader, tzeller  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 I don't think it's anything you're 'doing' so to say, rather the vibes you are sending off that are keeping them away. It's okay to be old fashioned, in fact a lot of girls including myself are still this way. But if you give off negative vibes, that's not going to make you seem very approachable. As you said, when you like a guy you tend to ignore them. Guys need the confidence to be able to come up to you and start conversation. If from the very start you look uninterested they are going to think you don't want to be bothered. Instead of ignoring them, give them a friendly smile. You aren't making the first move, you're just showing them that you are interested and that you DO want to be approached. I bet you will notice a difference right away! Don't resort to it being because of your weight or how you look, because that will only make you lose self confidence which no one should ever have to go through. So just wear your best smile, show that you want to be approached, and i bet the boys will be flocking.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 hey,I think you are trying to hard to be "perfect", you say you do your makeup and hair perfect, when yet the "perfect" girl is the one who can be herself around anyone, and the girl who doesn't care how well she does her makeup and hair, thats how i see it..hope i helped
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