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Why does my friend act this way? Is she trying to make me jealous?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 June 2021) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2021)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

When you’re day-drinking with a friend and she gazes over at you and asks “why did you have a crush on ____ instead of me?” looking like she’s going to cry (when you in fact have been madly in love with this friend for years and there’s no way they don’t know that), you tell her it’s always been her and she proceeds to make out with a random guy in the bar for the rest of the night and then hanging back around you like nothing happened when you didn’t bite.

...does she like me back and was trying to make me jealous? Or the opposite?

View related questions: crush, jealous

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2021):

As out and confirmed gay-people, these are mind-games and traps you have to avoid. Alcohol is not the "truth serum" we want it to be. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions; but it's also used for liquid-courage to say things you have no business saying. You don't necessarily mean what you say when you're drunk. Many straight-out lies are told by drunk-people. If you say what you mean when you're drunk, don't bother to apologize for saying something awful or cruel to people. Based on that principle of logic, you said something nasty; because that's how you really feel. Therefore, the apology should be declined!

Fact is, you just say a lot of stupid junk, and that's all it is! It has no legitimacy; unless someone looks you straight in the eyes, and says it stone-cold sober! Not feeling drunk, sentimental, and stupid! It's meaningless!!!

If you are gay, you are among many in the gay-culture always out there looking for "signs." You grow infatuations and obsessions over those either still in the closet, people you want who don't want you; or straight-friends who sometimes tell you what you want to hear.

In your case, she's messing with you; and just likes the idea of you pining for her. Who wants somebody who can only get-up their nerve when they're drunk anyway?

Leave things as they are. She's going to mess your head up.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (14 June 2021):

kenny agony auntWhy don't you have a conversation with her when there is no alcohol involved.

You obviously really like her, and she asked you why did you have a crush on such and such instead of her?.

I know its fun, and yes we all like a drink for time to time, but alcohol clouds judgement and makes us say and do things we would not normally.

Go out and do something with her in a non aclohol environment and you will get a pretty good idea of her feelings torward you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 June 2021):

Honeypie agony auntI think she just wants you hooked so SHE gets all your attention.

Why are you pining after someone who obviously isn't really into you romantically?

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