A
female
age
36-40,
*econdbestinthis
writes:Ok, I realize most of this will not make sense logically. I am currently having an affair with my best friend (we are both married.) He pursued me for two years and i finally relented since i am now going thru a divorce; we are NOT in love. But, here's my question: He is a fitness instructor and i'm one of his students. His wife is a petite type woman, who has put on some weight (maybe 30 - 50 lbs at MOST, she does not appear 'fat') due to having a child. I am a very muscular, thick woman. I am also very tall and large boned (compared to 'petite'). I am very athletic and active, but not thin by any means. He specifically told me about a month ago, when i started losing weight to please not lose any more. His words were, "If you lose any more weight you'll be way 'too' hot and you'll find someone else!" I laughed because this was completely absurd, but just two days ago he called me and said he and his wife had a fight about her weight. He called her fat and lazy and said that if she keeps gaining she'll be twice the size she is now in ten years and he would leave her. I realize this is an abnormal relationship i'm in, but why does he want me fat and her thin??
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affair, best friend, divorce, mistress, petite Reply to this Question
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female
reader, secondbestinthis +, writes (27 May 2008):
secondbestinthis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your answers! These are great perspectives and help me out a lot! It is a strange relationship, i admit. His wife is a decent person, and i have nothing bad to say about her and actually i feel for her, because he's not an easy person to be married to, based on what i know. Also, being told your 'fat' (especially when she doesn't appear to be) can't be good for her psyche or her emotionally. I'm hoping we can stop soon and no one will get hurt, but i know that's a fantasy, because she is already starting to suspect, and he's been caught a few times on the phone and computer talking suggestively to me. I think it comes down to we're both very selfish people right now :/....it's one of those moments in your life where you say to yourself: wait, this isn't me!! Now, how did i get myself into this? Thank you again to everybody!
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 The answer to your question, and only to your question, is that most probably he likes a bit of variety.
Many, many men want whatever it is they haven't already got. Most of us make do with a bit of fantasy that stays in our own heads or maybe a bit of erotica from the Internet. He's trying to go one step further and actually HAVE the variety to satisfy his desires.
I don't think it's any more complicated than that, and as you haven't asked for advice on handling your "abnormal relationship (as you put it), I won't try to give you any!
But...
Oh bother. I can't resist it. A bit. You seem nice. Don't get hurt - and try not to hurt anyone else. OK?
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi Hunny
He is a control freak, He doesnt want you to loose anymore weight because other men will find you hot!!!!So he wants to keep you fat as you put it so your confidence is low and you need him...He wants his wife petite as he likes this look on women and finds her attractive and is piling on the pressure after she has had the baby probably making her feel crap so her confidence takes a nose dive.. He does not care for anyone but himself, as he needs control over everyone in his life..He dictates to his wife he tells you what to do, He is a sad little man who needs to be needed, I no what Id tell him hunny and it would only take two words...My advise is run as fast as you can there is nothing in this for you other than pain sweetheart TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Sorry hun but its kindof clear from what he said... he thinks that youll only be with him if you dont have the confidence to go out and find someone else... so if your confidence is low, youll stick around as his plaything..
he is married to his wife and seems to feel that hes moer attractive than her, so it seems that he feels that the power is in his hands there, and if he ruins his wifes confidence, then shell stay with him.
Sorry but this guy sounds like a jerkoff to me!
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