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Why does he treat me so badly?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2008) 18 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2009)
A female Canada age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has been treating me really bad and I don't know how to tell him how he's been treating me because whenever I try to tell him he gets mad. He never wants to talk unless we're having sex. If we're not having sex and I try to talk to him then he gets mad and tells me it's over so I shut up and leave him alone, because that's what he tells me to do. I do love him, and he says that he loves me but why does he treat me so badly??? Can anyone try and help me out?

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A female reader, Confronter Canada +, writes (20 December 2009):

Hi anonymous.

I have been having the same problem lately..I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years and lately for the past 6 months something has changed him...for some reason he has become very "cocky" and "ignorant". Now I love him very very much but I do not stand for that stupid shit. It is not fair for them to treat us like that and I dont believe we should take it. When my boyfriend gets in his little bitchy moods I call him on it and tell him that its not right with how hes treating me. There is no reason or excuse for him to treat you like that. If he really truly loves you then when you ask him or confront him on how hes acting and he sais "its over" then fuck him and agree. Tell him if he doesnt treat you with the respect you deserve then it should be over. Obviously if hes not treating you well then he cant love you that much. Cause I know if someone truly loves you enough they will do anything for you. Go to the end of the earth and back and in this case your boyfriend seems like an ass and is only nice to you when he wants something...do you really think he should be treating you like this..if you have to go on the internet to ask because you are unsure follow what your heart tells you, your heart doesnt lie. It knows whats best. So please dont hide from your feelings, let them show, let them be known. Dont let him be mean to you and act like a dick unless hes getting something out of it. You know you deserve the best. I hope I helped.

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A male reader, IHateWomanBeaters United States +, writes (19 September 2009):

IHateWomanBeaters agony auntI would like to say that there are men that are not like him. There are men, friends of yours perhaps, that would gladly help you get out of the situation. These are the people you should be with.

Find yourself a good guy. You can do better than that, no matter what he has said to you. No matter how many times he has hurt you. No matter what he has done to you. You are still a woman with her own gifts, talents, beauty, and worth.

You have the right to be happy.

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A female reader, SugaaBabe United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

i know how you feel, im only fifteen and my boyfriend is ever only interested in the tele or poker. i try and speak to him, but he never tends to listen unless i shout big time.

i thought he was just selfish and inconciderate. maybe even lazy, cant be bothered.

i tried something and it worked wonders, but it could make or break you, next time he says its over say okay. he will realise how badly he is treating you and try harder to be niceer. i hope it helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008):

this sounds like me and my boyfriend it really does suck im so scared i am going to lose him so i do what he says and he always seems to get angry at me. i think what you need to do is give him space or just find things that make you happy

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008):

hello i came across this while searching for answers to my own problems i have been with my gf for a year and a half we've had our ups and downs and i have treated her poorly i do suffer a few psycological problems some say that could be why but recently i got the since she was leaving for good and after a weekend of not being around her at all and she wouldn't answer my calls i did some looking into myself i think i treat like that so keep control but that control is so i don't become weak in the eyes of others and a whole lot of other crap all in all i have figured out that i try to bee something i don't reaaly want to be i want to love her and i have to stop worrying abou twhat others (my friends) might think of me you know like being whipped and so on sometimes it is hard for a man to admit he loves someone or to show that he loves someone he just isn't sure how

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A female reader, korculan queen Australia +, writes (12 February 2008):

He won't change as he feels ENTITLED to treat you this way. If he has not changed yet he will never. When men say they are going to change it usually means they are going to manipulate you and control you until YOU ADAPT to their treatment of you. Unless he admits HE HAS THE PROBLEM and accepts responsibility for his actions he has no intention of changing. I am very experienced in domestic violence as I work in a women's shelter and in my experience the women that believe their partner can change are the women the most enmeshed and sympathetic to their man and THE MOST IN DANGER OF FURTHER ABUSE.He is in control of his actions and he is controlling you through his actions and your response to his treatment of you. Ask yourself 1 Do you feel safe, 2 Do you feel that you can talk to him about anything and he will listen? 3 Does he let you spend your money how you want and does he let you see your friends when you want. If you answered no to one or more of these questions he will not change. I wish I could give you a magic wand but sadly from experience it will only get worse and YOU DESERVE BETTER.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (12 February 2008):

Danielepew agony auntDear poster, it is his actions that count, not his words. If he changes, fine. If he says he will change, be on the alert.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

what if he said he could change?

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A female reader, korculan queen Australia +, writes (12 February 2008):

He is only nice to you when you are having sex- user and control freak. When you try to communicate your thoughts, opinions and beliefs he becomes angry= he is controlling and abusive towards you. You are in the initial stages of being in a unhealthy relationship and if you continue to stay you will end up in the CYCLE OF VIOLENCE. There are many forms of domestic violence. Physical ie hitting, pushing, kicking, biting, throwing you or objects at you, choking,damaging your property anything from phones to furniture ie your contact with the outside world. Emotional ie name calling, putdowns. Financial ie withholding money from you, telling you how and what to spend your money on, spending your money by controlling access to your account,leaving you with debts for things only he benefits from. Sexual ie any unwanted forced sexual acts that you do not wish to do. Spiritual ie condemming you for having your faith, refusing you to practise your faith or admonishing you for not having his faith. Social ie isolating you from your friends and family, constantly acusing you of having affairs, becoming possessive of you and scrutinising all contact with people.Telling you what to wear and choosing your clothing for you. Monitoring and checking your emails, text messages, phone records etc. The cycle of violence has these stages Honeymoon or buy back phase, Intimidation,Explosion ie the arguement, The Sorry Phase and back to the honeymoon and we go round and round and round the cycle. You are young you deserve better. Leave him before you have kids with him.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (11 February 2008):

Danielepew agony auntDear poster, I can only insist in my opinion. Leave him. I'm sure you can find accomodation elsewhere. Don't let him treat you like this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Maybe we can help eachother out.. Girl you need to make him realize what the **** is going on between you and him.. Maybe you need to pack your stuff and when he sees you doing so maybe he'll straighten up. It's hard and I've been crying for weeks on end and no body really cares, I now have no place to go because my family kicked me out and he doesnt even care. Its hard to leave someone you love so much, but yes I can see whats going on now, but i never did anything wrong to him it was always that I had to please him and respect him but I would get nothing back in return. I dont know what to do.. Sexual gratification is probably true........ He's a major a*shole, and I dont know why I dated him in the first place.

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A male reader, davie Australia +, writes (11 February 2008):

You might love him however he's demonstrating no love to you. He sounds mean, controlliny and nasty. The only reason I can think of why he is treating you so badly is because he's not a very nice person.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

maybe you and i can help each other. Im in exactly the same position. Whenever i do anything nice, there is always something wrong or i didnt get it right. He is so quick to point out my flaws. Whenever i try to talk to him about how i feel he calls me drama, his nickname for me. His approach to sex is "turn over", and he whispers all the sweet stuff in my ear, but as soon as its over, then its back to normal. But lately he doesnt want to have sex with me at all. But i cant talk to him because he just shoots me down. I have to hide my emotions by going to the bathroom and crying my eyes out because i get in trouble if i do it in front of him. I know that i deserve better than him, an so do you, but how do you leave someone that you love so much? it seems like life will never be the same again. Maybe we both just need to bite the bullet and move on.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntI can't believe any person in this day and age would want to be with a nasty,selfish and uncaring pathetic creature.

He is taking the p*ss out of you and only wants you for his sexual gratification. Do yourself a favour and dump this horrible pondlife and find a decent caring guy who deserves your love and attention.

The reason why he treats you so badly is because he knows he can get away with treating you like a piece of garbage if you let him. Guys like him does not deserve nice young lady like you and you can do so much better for yourself too. Take care love. Dusky xxx.

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A male reader, BadVoice United States +, writes (10 February 2008):

Are you a smart strong minded woman? If so, then what you need to do is to say..."Honey, it's over"! You don't need a man like this or need to be in a relationship like this.

I would not even give him a second chance. Go on and find you someone who would appreciate you for you an dnot just for sex.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (10 February 2008):

Danielepew agony auntYep, I agree with the boys. He's a controlling type who is with you just for the sex. He doesn't need to be told he's mistreating you, because that he knows already.

He will continue this way for as long as you let him. I think you should leave him and find someone who will truly love you.

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A male reader, Dazzerg United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2008):

Dazzerg agony auntI dont think he loves you at all; sorry but it just sounds like he is in it for the sex. He's just telling you he loves you to keep the sex which he probably does love. He is not respecting you as a human being with feelings at all, if he did he would want to and would carry on a normal conversation with you which he appears unable to do.

I know that you love this guy and you want him to feel the same way but you have to judge him by his actions and from what you write here that isn't looking good. I think you need to move on and find somebody who will treat you better. Good luck :).

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A male reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (10 February 2008):

You love him,but he doesn't love you or he wouldn't treat you like a piece of s***. Find you some one else who know how to love a woman

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