A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend of about one year. At first there was a little romance and a little sex but that all cooled by his choice because 1) I have herpes and 2) I am menopausal and he wants children (he is 15 yrs younger than me). I can clearly see his viewpoint; it's not the first time I have come up against it. Still we remained friends. Never-the-less he continues to make sexual remarks to me like "Are you sure you are XX yrs old?" and "You are one hot, sexy mama" and "I wake up every night with a hard-on dreaming of you". I know he doesn't have any girlfriends, but he's into on-line stuff. I have told him that his comments are inappropriate, demeaning, and unwelcome. He stops for a while then falls back into the same old thing. If this were a work situation he'd be guilty of sexual harrrassment. Other than this, he's a good friend. What's going on? If he has already decided not to have sex with me, why keep making such comments?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Well a guess would be he's flirting with you. Except,, "I have told him that his comments are inappropriate, demeaning, and unwelcome."Would you feel differently if he and you were having sex??Guess you will have to tell him to choose between friendship and flirting if you're bothered by his actions.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 It sounds like he's just being silly. Which is not to say that it's appropriate - I just think you need to take it with a grain of salt.
There's a guy at my work who makes sexual comments and remarks to me, but I know he probably doesn't want to have sex with me - he's just doing it because he's a goofball and he knows it winds me up.
OR, perhaps he does want to have sex with you, but he just says he doesn't because of your herpes? Or because he doesn't think you like him in that way?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I think the guy is just jiving with you. Playing you. Why not go for an older man who will appreciate you more, and the herpes can be managed and reportedly not transmitted, reasonably safely.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Hi. You may find its how he chats online to women and at times he forgets what hes saying and who hes saying it too. Its a refection on him not you, so try not to be offended by him. If you like him alot, you will just have to be very patient and draw his attention to what hes saying each time he crosses the line. Personally i would move away from this friendship as it cant lead anywhere (by his choice) and his behaviour towards you doesnt seem very thoughtful. He will meet someone eventually and probably drop you anyway. You deserve a better friendship than the one hes offering x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 February 2010):
He still likes it that he can get a reaction out of you. Maybe it gives him a kick, or maybe he just likes to see your reaction. If you want him to stop, best to tell him gently that if he's not interested in you sexually, there's no need for him to say what he is saying.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 February 2010):
He probably enjoys watching your reaction. So if you genuinely don't like it then stop laughing prettily and give him a stony-faced look instead.
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