A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have liked this guy for over 15 years. We dated over the phone when I was in the 9th grade and he was in the 11th grade. We use to talk on the telephone about every thing we had the greatest conversations. After a while, this guy asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes but it seems like after that, we did not have much contact. I do not know what happened! Ten years later, I see this guy and my feelings came back; however, I could not react on them because he was dating some-one, so ten years later, last year, I finally had the chance to tell him how I felt and it just seems as if I had no controll over my feelings. I believe, that I was so worried that I was not going to have the chance too be with him in any way, if I did not take advantage of the time at present, so I became aggressive in trying to get him to like me and I tried sleeping with him but he could not perform and I was so interested that I pose as someones as a secret admirer, just to learn information about him because our personalities were clashing. He did like the admirer, until I felt bad and told him the truth and he was upset. I do not know how to get his attention! After the admirer and the sexual encounter, I believe I have pushed him away, he does not even communicate with me! Any advice on what to do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Are you really a 30 some year old woman ?? (it doesn't sound like it at all) You do NOT MAKE a man "like me". Are you kidding ?? Most men can appreciate a woman confident enough to ask them out or confident enough to say, "I want you to rock my socks off". But you are waaaaayyyyyy out there in left field so far your not even in the ballpark. Desperation sex or sex relationships scare the krap out of most men. If you "got it" then you "got it" and he'll be interested and like you. If the attraction isn't there you will NEVER make him like you.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Coming off as desperate is not attractive to most people.
There are countless times I've just wanted to literally throw myself at a guy because I like him so much, but having some restraint definitely pays off. Why? Because when you're desperate, you tend to reveal way too much of yourself too soon, and the mystery disappears. Plus, coming off as desperate tends to make people look a little crazy and obsessive. But if you can overcome the incessant want to throw yourself at someone, it can have bonuses.
I know it must have been frustrating, because you've lusted after him for 15 years. But I get a feeling that you need to apologise to him if you've made him uncomfortable in any way, and just tell him you never meant to scare him off and that you just really find him attractive. Put the ball in his court and ask if he at least still wants to be friends.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 February 2010):
I think you scared him. Guys don't mind being asked out, but it can be very scary to have a woman acting desperate to get into bed (no offence, I know you like him). I think you'll find he's scared. Ask to talk to him, and explain that you fancy him and want to get to know him. He may respond, or he may not depending whether he's terrified or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Id just back off and leave him alone. You are developing a problem with him akin to obssessive love. Try and talk to someone like a counsellor x
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 February 2010):
How can he like you when you are literally throwing yourself at him? He can't grow to respect you if you are acting so desperate.
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