A
female
age
26-29,
*lueskyday
writes:hello i'm 15(almost 16 thank you very much) and partly normal but overall typical well except for the fact of liking men 15 to 20 years older than me. yeah it's great to fantasize about these gorgeous men but i hate thinking of what i can't have. There's one man in particular, he's married. His wife pretty much hates me (i am much thinner and have a butt while she's on the weighty side but she still has boobs while i have average i guess) i don't know why but she just does, I've never ever said anything to her that would be close to making her be angry with me. here's the thing I've caught him starring numerous times and he even wanted to plan an activity with him and my family.but i was sick that day so i think she was happy.Now i believe cheating is very very wrong and i hate women who go after taken men, my question is why am i having these feelings than? how do i get them to stop? for him and all older men? and if your answer is something "the heart wants what the hear wants" than why do i have this attraction to older men? and as i get older will this age limit rise when i'm 20 will i like 60 year old men? my parents are about 17 years apart in age if that helps at all, any suggestions/answers/opinions would be much appreciated. thank you in advance!
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (12 July 2011):
blueskyday is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so all for your help Dorothy Dix-yes that is one thing i consider a lot if they grow older faster than me , we won't have much of a life.Doobie- i don't limit my options I've tried to hang out with guys closer to my age and nothing even if we got close i just wasn't attracted to them that way i thought they were cute and good looking but not for me so i dunno limiting my options wasn't a problem here-So_Very_Confused i see your experience it's very sweet but i do get that too but men in there 30's want to settle down if not already married and have kids. they just seem more manly to me i have no clue why but they're mature and attractive. thank you all so much!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2011):
 In two years you will be 18 and then you can date any single older man you want...
right now please limit it to crushes and fantasy for several reasons..
1. you are under age and your over 18 partner can ruin their life if they become physical with you
2. an age gap relationship at later stages is easier to make it work.. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend but had he been 18 and I had been 31 it never would have worked.. I was divorced with two small children then and he does not want kids... now that he's 38 and I'm 51 my kids are grown and we don't parent... see how much of a difference 20 years can make???
3. I think that when we have crushes on people we read things into their actions that we want to see... I don't want you to make a mountain out of a molehill with this married man...
There is nothing wrong with liking partners of a different age bracket... I prefer younger men... and always have... although I have dated men close to my age or even older... I just seem to keep gravitating back to younger men...
but when I was YOUR age... I did not even realize I had a type.. I just went with the flow... can you do that and not place labels on anything yet?
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A
male
reader, Doobie +, writes (12 July 2011):
I have the same problem with older women. As long as you don't LIMIT YOUR OPTIONS to older men, you don't really have a problem. Just wait a couple years before you go hanging with these guys. We don't need people catching cases in the world.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 July 2011):
Hi there. It could perhaps be a stage you are going through. More like a crush, rather than anything more serious.
Often teenage girls have crushes on some of their male teachers, but usually it's never anything more than that. It could just be the hormones.
You are better off making friends with some of the boys in your own age group and same year at high school. You would have much more in common with them than you would with someone in their 30's.
You are both in different life stages. You are just starting out in life and only beginning to grow into a young woman. Your music tastes would be different. You might want to party, whereas an older man would probably just want to chill out and watch tv. Two totally different life paces.
Most men in their 30's are usually taken, so they can't commit to you in any case. And yes, it's a bad idea to get tangled up with a married man. Their allegiance will always be to their wife and family, so you would be left right out in the cold at Christmas and Thanksgiving and other important family get-togethers. You would be on your own - lonely.
One of the reasons for the attraction by you, towards an older man is they might make you feel safe. A security thing.
There's no law against dating an older man, just so long as he isn't taken.
The other downside to dating an older man and later settling down with them, is that they will grow old a lot sooner than you will, and won't have the energy to keep up with you. So that will feel pretty lonely and isolating.
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