A
female
age
41-50,
*atinawife77
writes:I am a 33 year old married woman with 2 kids. Been married now for 13 years. Now, I won't make this long so I will just get to the point. I was a virgin when I got married and never been with another man, ever. My husband once told me that he would like a "lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets". So, I have tried my best to accomodate his needs. I actually enjoy it also. We are both very sexual. He has brought me out of my shell. But here is the shocker, he recently confessed he dreamt of coming home and finding me on top of another man having sex. He said he was extremely aroused "watching" me get ravished by someone else. I was shocked and did not know what to think. But the thought turns me on so much. During sex we talk about this and we both get extremely turned on. So I want to know if there are any other woman here in the same position? I did some research and found this is known as cuckolding. I will be completely honest, I would LOVE to get the feel of another man inside of me. But not sure I can go through with it. Any feedback would be appreciated.
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male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (15 July 2011):
If you "Would LOVE" to be with another man then your relationship with your husband is basically over. The whole point of a relationship is to put your trust in one and only one person. Otherwise you're just doing it for physical pleasure, and that is not someone you'd spend your life with
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): If you do this your relationship will probably end because all trust will be gone. maybe just keep the fantasy as a fantasy
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
 As a very wise Mr Spock once said
". After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
so maybe it's just the talking about it that makes you guys hot... that's what's so cool about fantasy... it's safe...
while I have no problem with the plan i strongly suggest (from experience) that you think long and hard and if you do it... stick to the plan exactly and keep lines of communication open
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Hi lw77,
it is nice to get to hear your thoughts thus far.
I think if you do this, and it really does sound like you are at that point, then you must stick with your husband always being present. As I mentioned in both my other replies, you make it about the two of you - even though you're involving a third.
Your husband only watching or mostly watching is fine and pretty common. My husband is mostly that way also. He will readily join in if I want him too, but he much prefers to watch me.
Keep it about the two of you, try and make eye contact with your husband when you can, find out how he'd like it to go down and try and incorporate as many of those elements as you can.
For my husband, he enjoys watching the flirting and the seduction at the start as much as the actual sex. That is part of the turn on for him.
Personally, we never did this with people we already knew. For us we felt that just added potential complications. But, I wouldn't force that as a rule for you; I'm just sharing how we approached it and what worked for us.
I wold also start out the way I suggested previously. That way there's still a couple of points where you can back out before actual sex happens. That is, as you browse ads for men and respond to them etc. you can check how you both feel about that next step. Then when you meet someone for drinks and a chat only at first, you can also check how you both feel about it. Now do remember, as turned on as you may be at the time (say during this drinks meet) you want to be attuned to your husband and try and read how you think he really is feeling. If it's all still good, then you're good to go for next time.
I definitely would not do this if you don't feel you are both equally ok with it. Keep it a fantasy, albeit a powerful one.
Best wishes. M&J
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female
reader, Latinawife77 +, writes (14 July 2011):
Latinawife77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all those who took the time to respond. I have done more research on all this. As I stated before, what he fantasises about is known as cuckolding. He doesn't really want to participate, per say. But says he would rather sit back on watch. He says, in fantasy, it brings him a great deal of sexual pleasure. I have never been more turned on about the idea. I actually did ask him if he really wanted to watch me be with another man. He kinda stayed quiet for a minute and then told me that he feels like he would be okay with it as long as he is there present. Anything else he would not be okay with. Me being with another man behind his back would be total betrayal and he would never accept it.
So I don't know at this point. I think it would be up to me if I want to go through with it or not. We discuss this alot and always end up having great sex. We both orgasm so fast just talking about it. There are a few people we both have in mind and bring them up in our "lovemaking sessions". I think I am too chicken at this point. We've been married 13 years and we have a strong communication and relationship. I don't think it would really affect us much. Not sure I want to risk it though. But thanks for all the advice!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): The female reader who has posted twice touting the positive experience she and her husband have had with multiple partner scenarios is, in general, a rare breed. This is pretty much why the majority of the advice you're getting says it can destroy your relationship with your husband.
Please take this into account before jumping into this situation.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (13 July 2011):
 I'm not the one to advise against doing something that I enjoy as much as I do myself, BUT you would be advised to consider whether you are both really ready for it. Don't rush into it unless you have both spoken about it and are double sure you want to do it - AND have a strong foundation to your relationship.
From hearsay at least, this sort of thing has destroyed a lot of relationships.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): oh my. I'm sorry but you're getting very little help here. Many answers are hysterical, unfounded, nonsense. You'll become an alcoholic, be a druggie, your husband will visit prostitutes and so on. Fanciful rubbish. It's really very simple. You talk about it more and more. You establish if it's something you both really want to try (I think the answer to that is already known to you both - you just need to admit it). Then you start slowly. You talk about it together. You explore it together. You do it together.Put an ad up on one of the many adult dating/friendship sites and go from there. You both meet your prospective playmate for drinks and a chat first. You then decide later if you want to meet again for play or not. You both establish that it's about you two and not anyone else. The third wheel is just that. We are all wired for attraction and so you make yourselves aware of that and keep him at a certain distance. Sex - yes, best friends - no. It's not that hard if you are smart about it and you ensure it is a "both of you" thing. Many, many, many couples have done it without any of the armaggeddon-like outcomes that have been hyped in these answers.Assuming you both are up for it, it is great fun. Some of the most amazing times you will both enjoy sexually. It's a taboo and against societal norms and that makes it all the more exciting. It truly is a very enjoyable thing for both of you. You will love the feel of different men and your man will love watching you enjoy yourself. I could say much more, but just take it from someone that has actually experienced this rather than someone who is just judging you and trying to scare you with made up consequences.We were married 10 years before we did this and we're now more than 20 years married and happier than ever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): ....best keep this a fantasy. the desire to have another mans penis in you is not worth the devastation and betrayal in a marriage. as the others have suggested, play dress up, spice up your sex life but DO NOT add a 3rd party.Male Anon said it best:"...They won't tell you how fucked up their personal lives are in many respects, including their drug use and addiction issues and how much they spend on counseling each month.They won't tell you how fucked up it made their kids lives and how confused their children have become...and don't kid yourself, kids know more than you realize from an early age."Harsh words, but oh, so real.........LoveGirl
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Sure, if you like the idea of getting divorced, it's a great idea.
What many of the people who find this interesting and wonderful as an idea won't tell you is what a hell their relationships are in the beginning, or how they end up, and how many times they have been married, divorced, and how many broken homes their are behind them.
They won't tell you how fucked up their personal lives are in many respects, including their drug use and addiction issues and how much they spend on counseling each month.
They won't tell you how fucked up it made their kids lives and how confused their children have become...and don't kid yourself, kids know more than you realize from an early age.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2011):
former swinger here...
I am very open sexually and always have been.
I am one of those women that found it exciting to watch my partner with another woman... and my then husband liked watching me too...
then I got a boyfriend... and my husband could not deal with it and he was too jealous and he left the marriage when I would not give up my boyfriend...
so I got to the current relationship I am in from an open marriage... AND now I won't share my man and he won't share me even though we both are supportive of open relationships and yet neither of us wants to share the other now...
IF the choice is mutual for both of you and you both think you can deal with the potential repercussions of the actions then it may work for you guys... it worked for me for a long time but eventually my husband's insecurity and lack of self-esteem killed that part of my life...
so my advice.. think very long and hard about whether or not this action is worth the POTENTIAL risks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Wow, I cannot believe the answers here so far. They are not representative. My husband and I went through this and we have had the best times doing it. We'd like to share some of our experience with you to help you decide and also how you should approach this.
First off, this is a common fantasy for men. Many men fantasise about seeing their wife have sex with another man. Do a search of the internet for that and you will get a ton of this and discussion threads about it.
For us, it sort of came up like it did for you. I too was shocked but undeniably intrigued and, yes - turned on by the thought. I too wrote it off as just talk and so on, but there was no denying the subtle effect it did have on me any time I thought about it or we talked about it.
We started with another man first, and since then have had several threesome and foursomes. But, as much as enjoy another couple, we both prefer the extra man (or two!).
My advice is that you talk more about it. As a fantasy is fine and to get you both off is fine, but each time you want to put an edge to that talk. That is, make it more real. Ask him "would you really like me to do this?" tell him "I'm not sure that I could, but wow honey, I have to admit, while it shocks me it does turn me on." Talk such as this. Eventually you want to convince yourself as best you can that he is serious about it and it's not just the thought of it.
My next advice is that you don't try and start this by him walking in on you with someone else. Your safest way to start is together in a MMF. Now, that does not mean that your husband is having sex with you at the same time as your new man, as he may just want to watch you for a while and then join in, or he may want to watch and then have sex with you after the other man has finished.
We've done all of the above, but my husband mostly likes to watch for quite a while before he joins in. And then I have some wonderful times with two men at once.
It is a very different proposition for you to meet someone alone first. I would not start there. That is definitely more threatening and has more potential risk for jealousy and hurt feelings. While such feelings are possibly in a MMF too, there is less risk as you are both there and check with each other and read each other's expressions, etc.
For us if was a fabulous experience. We both very much enjoy watching ourselves with others. My husband especially prefers watching me with another man, and of course I get the thrill and experience of the different shapes and sizes out there plus the different techniques other man have. I am sure to always keep it for us, I will look at my husband as often as I can, and sort of put on a show for him. We both get a lot out of it.
This is not to say that its for everybody. However, given what you've written so far it seems the cat is already at least a little out of the bag, and you will need to at least explore this further through discussion and then see if it ends as a fantasy or you want to take the next step.
I hope you find this helpful. We were both amazed at the answers thus far.
Best wishes and have fun! M&J
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): A friend of mine was introduced to the same idea by her husband. As someone has already mentioned... it sounds good on paper! They tried it but it all backfired on her and it has left them in a real mess, marriage wise. She is now a miserable alcoholic and he visits prostitutes! True story.
Be warned, fantasy is always better than reality in these matters. Best advice i can give is to set up a camera, have hubby dress up as someone else, like a workman at your house or something. And ravish you! Let him 'discover' and play back the footage as the duped husband. He can watch those 'scenarios' to his hearts content but it won't be damaging you or your marriage.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 July 2011):
 This is a weird evolutionary quirk he's feeling. Men are aroused by the sight of a woman being screwed by another man, partly because the caveman instincts are telling us to hurry up and impregnate her, because it's our last chance. Some sperm is actually designed not to fertilize eggs, but to kill other mens' sperm instead. Cuckold fetishes are just an exaggerated form of that instinct.
Incidentally, that's probably a part of why we menfolk like porn.
For women, the instinct involved is more straightforward, to get the best genetic material available. After all, when you imagine being with another man, do you imagine one *less* desirable than your husband?
Thing is, the emotional fallout from this would probably end your marriage. Once he gets over the initial fetish-lust, the jealousy has time to set in. You'll see him as less desirable for allowing it to happen. I'd seriously advise keeping this in the realm of fantasy, and trying to find other avenues to explore your sexuality together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Similar to a threesome situation, what you've described is risky. I'm not saying a threesome is bad for everyone, but in general, any one I know who's had a threesome or been in the situation your husband dreamed of, has seen their relationship or marriage come crashing to an end.
Here's why: The scenario sounds great. It's a huge turn-on to one or both parties. And then it actually happens. And then there's jealousy. There's a feeling of infidelity. There's a sense that, "Well, now that I've been with another person, what's the harm in being with an additional lover?" Or "My wife got to sleep with someone else, so now I get to do that, too, regardless of having permission."
Like communism: looks good on paper. In real life, it's a disaster.
Try role-playing instead, maybe. There's significantly less risk in destroying your marriage and plenty of fun to be had there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): You both may enjoy the fantasy... but believe me, when it comes down to reality... I think he'd want to destroy anyone who touched you outside of a threesome.
It's one thing to bring another person in for sex, but that is both partners using a third party at the same time. Not one partner cheating and expecting the other to be okay with it.
Keep this one as a fantasy in your head, where it belongs.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Sounds like you have a pretty adventurous sex life! Just make sure that you are ok emotionally to deal with the aftermath. Sometimes what feels great in the moment can come back to hurt us emotionally once the act of sex has finished. I understand the desire for voyeurism, but it can be painful to watch in reality for your partner (or for you). Take care and all the best.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (12 July 2011):
 First of all, before you decide if you should or shouldn't do this you need to find out if this was just a fantasy and nothing more or something he really wants. Some couples share fantasies with each other because it turns them on but in reality they would not want to act on them. So if your husband was sharing this as a means to get you both turned on then the outcome to acting on it will be devastating. But if you find out he really wants it to happen then decide on it together and have fun.
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female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I advise that you don't. Fantasy and reality is two different things. You married this man and in a normal healthy relationship sex stays between the two married partners. You risk ruining your relationship when you involve a third party.
Would you be comfortable with your husband wanting sex with another women? He might ask this after you have sex with another man. Be prepared of what will happen if you choose to follow through. ALso how would you feel afterwards? Your self esteem wouldn't be so good afterwards.
Take care and think very carefully before deciding!
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