A
female
age
41-50,
*rancine81
writes:I had a tramatic and emotionally abusive relationship that i didnt realize until i was pregnant. A year and a half later i terminated the pregnancy mid February, and i thought from then on i also terminated him from my heart. See, i was with him when he had nothing, just a struggling fashion artist trying to make it. I always believed in him and helped him as much as i could emotionally, in business, and everything, even my mother helped finance him. As he grew as an artist and being recognized i was less and less important. I was pregnant and still not near the top of his priorities. Now it's May and i've been seeing someone for the last month that treats me well, has a sense of humor, and we have most of the same friends. He's outgoing, things that i wish never died from my first relationship.I still love my ex who isn't right for me...it took me 4 1/2 months and being pregnant to even realize and face the fact that he was abusive. My ex and i know similar groups of people and it's hard to avoid that he's around, or what he is working on, although i don't actually "see" him. I see his friends and i know of this fashion show he has coming up which is finally a dream of his coming true. We had planned to marry and have a family but we agreed that timing was off, i guess i'm still in denial of the whole abusive thing.This new guy...i know he's a good guy 'cause my friends have known him and everyone thinks we are good together. But i'm not sure if my feelings for my ex is fair to the new guy? I'm afraid and embarrassed to even admit these feelings to my friends or family, they would all think i'm crazy.Why do i feel this way and miss and still love my ex? I went through so long of thinking i was completely over it, and is it fair to to my new guy? What should i do?
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 You had your dreams shattered which ended in a termination which I dont think you have come to terms with fully. If he abused you once he will never change so you have done right to move on from this man. I agree you should try counselling to resolve these issues and help you understand that you made the right decision. Talk to your family though as they probably wont judge you but may be able to help - the worst thing is not having anyone to confide in as it will just eat you up inside. As for the new man treat him as a separate issue and decide if he really is the one for you. Sometimes we dont get over an old love until a new love comes along so maybe this guy is not the one or maybe your not letting him through your barriers. Hope you can get some peace from these thoughts. Good luck x
A
female
reader, Aunt tilly +, writes (2 May 2008):
 I think your beating yourself with a blade of grass darling, You did what you had to do because you knew it was fo the best, being pregnant at the same time as ending a relationship would not have been easy for you either.You have to give yourself emotional time, which I dont think you,ve done and its possible that your still feeling the emotional pull of the termination that you went through. People sometimes dont realize what kind of impact that these things are going to have on them and a termination is traumatic enough, especially when you mix that with the emotion of finding out that your pregnant, and its to a person that you love with all your heart, then to have to make a decision of what do you do, then the breakup, see where I,m coming from hun what a cocktail. Have you considered maybe some couselling I mean that in the gentlest way, it will help you confront your emotions, its a bit like tidying your wardrobe out, it mght be woth it for your own sake and it will give you back some spirit. Your new young man sounds a alovely person I,m sure if you talk to him he will probably be very supportive. I dont think that its love that you feel for your ex, I think its just those emotions that have suddenly jumped at you, and now your not sure what do. I know you will get there hun you just need to heal yourself and dont make any rash decisions. take care love.
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