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Why do I enjoy the chase so much, but then lose interest once I have the guy?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have been in 6 relationships, but only one of them remotely serious, that's tne I am in right now.

Every time the same thing happens: I can't stop thinking about the person and in my dreams and fantasies it seems like they are perfect.

But once I actually catch him or her, I start to feel like it's all wrong, like the spark is gone. My current partner (a guy) seems absolutely perfect. He loves me so much and I adore him as well; we get along great, he's so easy to talk to, etc. But when we kiss or make out, I feel like I'm lying to him.

Now that I know I've got him, he doesn't turn me on anymore. I still care about him very much but it isn't the same. I really don't want to feel this way about him because it seems like he could be the one. I know how that sounds; I'm young, young people are rash. I'm entirely aware of how unlikely I am to marry him. But it's like we were made for each other, and I can't help but imagine.

Why does this consistently happen to me and do you think that if I hold out, it will go away and we will be able to stick together??

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A female reader, Heyshorty16 United States +, writes (10 July 2012):

Heyshorty16 agony auntOpen up to him, guys like a girl who's honest. Tell him that your new to being serious in a relationship. Explain to him that you want to stay with him and forget about other guys. I've been in that situation and I felt like if one guy loved me and the rest didn't It affected me more when they didnt like me than anything else. If you belive he will be by your side that anything is possible don't let your past ruin your future.

Hope it helped, best wishes!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012):

Thanks to both of you who have already responded--it's definitely true what you say about being "ice-cold" like it started out that way, and when I felt like I was competing with absolutely everything for his attention it was so much more thrilling. Now he's absolutely obsessed with me and weirdly enough it makes me feel rather put out. :) oh well, goes with being young and having wacko hormones I guess.

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A female reader, IamJess United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2012):

IamJess agony auntI've been there before, and I don't know, currently in the same position.

Maybe you have to think of it like if you let go of them how would you feel without them, knowing you have them is a way of you not having to try as hard to get them because you have them, and you obviously like him, I'd just see how things go if you actually think he could be the one etc.

It doesn't really matter how old you are, you can fall in love at any age, and putting a restriction on it isn't right.

Follow your heart though, it never lies!

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (10 July 2012):

1 - Because you are 16. Goes w the territory

2 - Because these guys are letting you get what you want. I just said in another thread that after the first date you need to play it ice-cold. At your age, the guy needs to play it ice-cold almost indefinitely. That keeps your interest. As you get older, you will realize that someone like that is not really the best candidate for marriage, and you'll hopefully choose differently. But for now, thats the hand nature has dealt you.

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