A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am i strange, or do other people think the same as me ?. I hate it when i go out to bars and a guy who i have only just met expects me to kiss him, especially if he tries to force me to kiss him, by grabbing me or holding my face or something. And i feel that way whether it's a guy i have been speaking to, or whether it's a guy who tries to do that even when you haven't spoken to each other. Before my friend got a boyfriend, she used to kiss any guy that spoke to her, and i thought it was disgusting !. I also felt embarrassed being stood there on my own while she was doing that. I don't kiss guys in public anyway, as i feel self conscious about it ( i mean french kissing, not a peck on the cheek or lips ) , and i think it can make other people feel embarrassed if they see you doing that. I also hate it when guys try to dance with you, well if i don't feel like dancing with them, that is. I would rather kiss a guy wen i have been dating him for a while.
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): Cerberus,have you ever seen the film " The Accused " with Jodie Foster ?.I doubt you would say what you did about women dressing up and dancing sexily and about mens behaviour etc if you saw that film.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 The guys trying for the kiss are the strange ones-they don't know you but act like they do..that's pretty darn presumptuious if you ask me(and you did). I'd be pretty offended as a man if some strange women came up and planted one on me(as IF)!
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 December 2011):
 It's not "night club behaviour", Daniel me invitation stands, I'll show how we rock down where I live. It's just bad manner from drunken men, the same thing happens in pubs. It's very rare for me to see, because we have bouncers and security to deal with such things...
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 December 2011):
* hate when people say clubs are just about drinking and having a quick hook up, or public sex.
Remember, some cultures, music and dancing are important, and it's got nothing to do with picking up men.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 It is clear to me that this is part of what could be termed "night club behavior". It is also assault, as some people have pointed out.
But then I just would like to point out that, in some countries, like where I live, kissing a person in the cheek is a very acceptable and normal way to behave when someone is introduced to you, and to say goodbye to them even if you just met them. Of course, I'm talking about a situation among friends or young people of the same age, and also relatives. It's not an acceptable way to behave in a business setting or among older adults.
I am saying this in the hope that one poor Latin American who behaves like he would at home does not get charged with assault :-).
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): It's like everything else that women complain about - men will stop doing as soon as it stops paying off on a regular basis.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I agree, Honeypie, that kissing a stranger makes people come across as easy. I also hate it when women wear very revealing clothes to impress men.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 December 2011):
 I think kissing a total stranger is a little odd and well, pointless. It makes you come across as "easy" and not in a good way.
I guess everyone have their level of how intimate they want to be and how fast.
Personally, I would remove a guys hands of my face and back up, if he didn't take that as a hint NOT to try and suck my face, I'd walk away.
And I have no problem with people kissing in public, If I don't want to see it, I can look away.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Actually, Cerberus, i don't always get very dressed up. Sometimes i dress smart casual, as you aren't allowed in some places if you are dressed too casual. And i don't dress to impress guys, i dress the way that makes me feel comfortable. I also go out to enjoy the music, chat with friends, and not necessarily to meet a guy.Or i just go out just because i am fed up of staying in and there may not be any where else to go at that particular time. And it's only my opinion, but i woudl rather kiss a guy in private, as it is an intimate thing. I don't like to show it to the world. And i definately don't dance sexily lol. I'm not even very good at dancing, to be honest. I only dance when my friends make me do that, whereas really, i would much rather just sit listening to the music. I do find it bad mannered though if they try to grope you and dance closely to you when they haven't even spoken to you. It's pretty creepy actually when it's a stranger.Yes, i know some people want to hook up in these places, but why not just hook up by swapping phone numbers first ?.Of course, i don't mind if a guy is interested in me when we are out somewhere, but i would rather chat to them a bit when i first meet them, get their number and leave the rest until we actually start dating.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I had two friends like that. Once one of them was talking to a guy at a party and I was standing with them, I turned around for one second, and when I looked back they were kissing! I was shocked because I wasn't expecting my friend to be like that. For me that is wrong, something I would never ever do. Kissing is something intimate, supposed to happen when two people really like each other, certainly not after they have just met.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 December 2011):
Stranger trying to kiss you, that's bad manners.. Stranger grabbing you and holding your face and trying to force a kiss on you, that's an assault, and deserves a kick between the knees, or at least a loud scream. Man asks you to dance, say no politely. Man trying to force you to dance, push him over and shout rapist.Other people kissing, none of your business.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Any person, at all times, has the right to personal space and safety. Under North America Law, it is seen AS SEXUAL ASSAULT when anyone touches another in an unvited, inappropriate way, location or how a woman is dressed is no legal grounds to make sexual assualt 'alright' or 'acceptable'.Just because a woman wears a 'sexy' dress or dances 'sexy' does not warrant sexual advances, touching, kissing. A womans safety is still her right. Sexual Predators often use this 'excuse' to absolve them of responsibility. It is an OUTDATED mindset that is no longer accepted in the courts of law. Sexual Predators also USE Alcohol to lure victims and use their distorted judgement aka drunkedness to hide behind the excuse that a woman invited it or wanted it.Thank goodness for the FBI and other Agencies that have adopted PROFILING to recognize a Sexual Predator and now are aware and understand that Alcohol is often present in a defense. They also have other signs to spot a sexual predator and his MENTALITY.SEXUAL PREDATORS•Refusal to take responsibility for actions and blames others or circumstances for failures (she was dressed sexy and danced all sexy and was drinking)•A sense of entitlement •Low self-esteem •Need for power and control •Lack of empathy •Inability to form intimate relationships with adults •History of abuse •Troubled childhood •Deviant sexual behavior and attitudes ~Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, by Dr. Leigh M. Baker. Other Tips on Spotting a Sexual Predator: •Often offend where they won't get caught " when they have misdirected people's attention •Often married or in relationships •Offend when the victim is handy •Not always strangers, often family members, family friends and neighbors •Most attracted to adults •Good manipulators (seduction is an integral part) •Overly self-indulgent •Arrogant •Sexualize, objectify women •Users of various kinds of pornography •Typically known as rationalizers, intellectualizers, justifiers •Great helpers " are there to lend a helping hand " prey on people in need, when they can insinuate themselves in your life •Use stressful and vulnerable situations to get in " they find a need they can fill and they use that to get next to the victim A clear, loud NO THANK YOU! Works wonders. Also DON'T TOUCH ME, YOUR DRUNK works. STand your ground. Use your voice.IF a man is in a bar to become a low life and think its okay to kiss anyone and everyone; do you want to meet a possible BF there?Get new friends and start hanging in better places where the men are wise, respectful, and have the same standards as yourself.Just a bunch of poor excuses of shadow of men in bars. ICK!What, no one believes in drinking responsibly? Since when is alcohol a good enough reason to act in such an ugly, intolerable way? And When does it stand in a court of law?Oh it doesn't.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): You're not strange OP buts that's what bars are for. If girls didn't let us then we wouldn't do it.If you don't like it then don't let them kiss you. It doesn't make anyone feel embarrassed OP only if one or both of you has dropped the hand. People kiss each other all the time and the majority of girls and guys go to clubs to hook up.OP dancing is a courtship ritual, I know so many girls say they just like to dance but that's breeding OP dancing has always been how women have shown their readiness to mate. It may not be a conscious thing but that's exactly what it is. You're basically going to a place where people go to flaunt their wares to the opposite sex and try to hook up, what do you expect to happen there? You get dressed up to look as attractive as possible and dance sexily and you expect the drunk guys there to not respond to you? Trust me OP you'd be probably be more annoyed if you went to all that effort and no guy ever showed and interest in you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I think, unfortunately, that this is just the sort of experience that happens when you go to night clubs and bars, the main reason people go to the places is usually meet potential hook ups, to have a wild time, and to get drunk. Guys and girls both tend to gain confidence in a bar/club senario and try their luck in trying to kiss people when they would never do something like that in any other situation. It's not what you like and that's fine, make sure you firmly express that you don't want to dance/hook up and move away from the guy, and go in a big group of friends (preferably with some male friends) so that you have lots of support and no one can get to you. Otherwise, if you don't want to constantly deal with that sort of harrassment, only go out for drinks earlier, like in the afternoon, where it will be a lot quieter, and you can just hang out with your friends in peace. Don't judge your friend though, kissing means absolutely nothing to most people.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2011):
 if a guy grabs your face and forces you he deserves that KNEE IN HIS GROIN or an arrest for ASSAULT.....
...............................
|
