A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do anymore. I feel lost and hopeless and have for some time. Ive always had terrible luck with relationships, each and every time they have ended on a bad note and just leave me hurting and depressed afterward. The last relationship ended a few months ago, my ex decided to dump me during the same week i came inches from death thanks to me developing an allergy to my favorite fruit. This same week i was also having emotional breakdowns and acting crazy because of the Steroid they had put me on to get over this allergy. My girlfriend tells me to go visit my friend so i can try to feel better with me being a little nuts because of the meds, and i do. We sit their for a bit and theirs a bit of a tension between us but im not sure why at the time. We enjoy a movie and my girlfriend randomly texts me saying we are over and she is dating my best friend who i was at that moment now stuck with for at least the night. He had always liked her and had hit on her before in front of me and it really irked me but i figured unless it got really bad and made me even more uncomfortable i would not say anything. Well come to find out my ex best friend had been feeding her lies and slander about me the entire time we were dating and had been trying to coax her away from me to date him. I find this out from a friend of mine that is probably his best friend now but he is even pissed and sees how wrong this is. He had even gone as far as to tell his cousin not to let me see my girlfriend by guilt tripping and blackmailing her. At the the time this pretty much guaranteed we would never get to see each other because i had not got my license yet.The thing that bothers me the most is he has sit back and watched me have so many relationships go bad, each one worse then the last yet he can just selfishly take what was making me happy at the time and was probably the best relationship i have ever had? Thats the most heartless thing ive ever heard of anyone doing. And this on top of me almost meeting death because i ate a piece of fruit. I leave the next morning steaming and wanting nothing to do with my friend ever again, and ive still to this day not talked to him. This last relationship not only made me depressed it took away my best friend on top of everything else. I dont know what to do now, if things just keep escalating like this god knows what ill loose next time. I just want to be loved but that seems to be to much to ask, every time i think i feel it, it ends up being a lie. I just dont feel like i deserve to be loved, like theirs is something fundamentally broken about me that makes me undeserving of it while all my friends get dates, hell some of them are even getting married yet i cant even find a girl that genuinely cares how i feel let alone that...Im a 8-10 on most girls ive dated or friends scales look wise and they all cant seem to grasp why i cant get dates and why i keep getting hurt, but regardless of logic it just keeps happening and its killing me inside. Last night i had a short relationship that last about a month end abruptly and it didn't hurt when i know it should have. I just sat their un-phased and was like o well im not surprised because that's all that ever happens anyway. Why cant i just find someone who will build me up and care for me and make me feel like i actually deserve to be loved?Because right now i feel like I just dont deserve to be....
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best friend, cousin, depressed, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not needy, i have selfesteem, its just right now im confused. That was a low blow from my friend, i would of never done that to him. I feel like im one of the few decent people left.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Wow.. anon male... "4.) Any guy will sell his "best friend" down the river to sleep with his buddy's girlfriend. Men always test themselves against other men in sports, business and life in general. Stealing away your girlfriend and having sex with her is the ultimate triumph."
Is that reflecting on YOU perhaps? Because I know several best mates that DON'T go down that road out of respect for their friends.
And, as much as I love grammar, a mans intelligence is not measured by his ability to spell.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): Wow. You have a lot of emotional baggage. You need to dump some of it.
Sorry if I sound blunt with what I am going to write, but you need a wake up call.
1.) You sound way too insecure and needy. Girls like guys who are confident and brash. Women are genetically predisposed to being attracted to guys who are controlling and overbearing. Women won't admit it, but they want to feel dominated in a relationship by a strong and powerful man, which is why the "bad boy" is such a fetish for most girls. Pick up any romance novel, which are mega popular with young girls and women (not lesbians). The desirable male in those books is always named Lance Appollo and he is always a tycoon billionaire playboy that needs to be tamed. The guy is never Sol Rosenberg the nose picker, who stacks lettuce in the grocery store.
2.) You come across lacking self confidence, almost as though 88 year old Betty White could make you her bitch. You need to develop a new less needy personna. If you pretend to be confident, you will exude confidence to others.
3.) Do not expose your whiny, complaining personality to girls. They will get turned off by it and run to your best friend. See #4
4.) Any guy will sell his "best friend" down the river to sleep with his buddy's girlfriend. Men always test themselves against other men in sports, business and life in general. Stealing away your girlfriend and having sex with her is the ultimate triumph.
5.) Don't ever tell a new girlfriend you just met that you are taking medication. Most girls do not want to deal with guys that have baggage, because they are too consumed with their own neuroses to give a crap about dealing with yours too. There's a sale on at the mall and they don't want to hear about your feelings.
6.) Okay, so now that your friend has stolen your girlfriend and has slept with her, will you bend over for him next? Did you loan him a condom too? Be a man and stop taking that crap. Go kick his ass and tell him to f' off then go find a real friend.
7.) Practice your grammar and learn the difference between "there", "their", and "they're". If you were smarter, then stupid shi_ would stop happening to you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 May 2010):
Im in a horrible state to answer, but maybe it helps: I feel the exactly same way. Bad relationship going down the drain at the moment for me and everything just sucks. So I know how you feel.
That was a backstabbing friend of yours that in the end showed his true face to you. Good riddance. And if a girl is silly enough to believe the best friend of her bf instead of her bf, well I don't think she was that great of a gf in the first place. Good riddance once again, she sounds gullible and easily manipulated, in addition to disloyal. That is an absolutely shittty way to break up.
Buty, if it can bring comfort, there aren't really any good ways to break up, and never really a good timing. Breakups always hurt, and I've heard of worse cases. If it makes you feel better, I once heard of a guy who dumped a girl while he was having sex with her! His penis still inside her and he said to her that they should end it. What a horrible way to go...
I suggest that you take some time off of girls now and spend some time on your own to heal properly. The last thing you need right now is to take your chances on yet another relationship. Everyone deserves to be loved! But you need time to heal first. I also sense that at the moment you believe all girls are bad news, which is common to feel right after a break up. I feel like all guys are jerks myself right now. Which can't be true because you sound like a great guy, you even eat fruit! That to me sounds like someone healthy, smart, takes care of himself. And you said you look great too! So a lot of + + for you.
You will get there I am sure. You'll find someone to love that loves you back, truly and completely. Give it time and heal your heart first. You are still so young, no need to give up just yet!
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