A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im a 16 and Febuary has been terrible. My team lost the superbowl, I got a ticket, I am jobless, my grades are dropping, drinking is becoming a part of my life, and on top of all that my girlfriend just dumped me. Her name's Caitlyn. Ive always had a think for the C's K's and M's. I dont know its just one of those things that I see when I picture my dream girl. Like dark hair, blue eyes, short, and tan. But Caitlyn was tall about 5"6 im 6"1. She has electric green eyes with long beautiful blonde hair that reaches her lower back, and instead of being tan, she has creamy pale skin. And her smile... Ohh I would try anything I could to make it appear, and when I was successful, it sent chills down my spine. I remember our first date, we went ice skating outdoors downtown. The streets were terrible so the place was nearly empty the snow were flakes and the coldness was bitter. Yet, while we held hands and glided on the ice I felt so relaxed and complete. Like the feeling you get when you're doing something routine, it just felt right being with her. I tried to be best boyfriend I could.. I always reminded her of her beauty, do sweet little things for her that made other girls jealous, asked her about her day and actually listen to everything she said, her view on life intrigued me. Then she blindsides me. She tells me that she's not ready for commitment and that I was the best shecould ask for, you know the whole its not me its you thing. About 6 months beforeme she waa heartbroken. She was in love, dated him for almost a year, gave him her V-card and then hejust left her. Then he comes over one night explains he made a mistake to her mother, gives her a promise ring, and stays the night and they have sex. Well the next morning hes gone again and took the ring. Ofcourse shes devastated and heartbroken. Maybe she was getting familar feelings of love and remember the last ending. Or maybe im just wishful thinking. People tell me that I wasnt falling for her, but the idea of her. They tell me to find someone that can make me feel the same way, but I dont think any girl could make me feel the same. How she could make my night with a text, how I could pretend to be mad at something she said just to steal a kiss, or how secure I felt when I held her hand as I drove. It was a million little things that just meant we were supposed to be together. The problem is I dont where to go from here. This has teased me with happiness, and left me with nothing but questions but the biggest one.. Was it me?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 My initial thought is no, it is not you because you tried your best to be a great boyfriend but clearly she has problems of her own that she needs to deal with.
However you say you have drink problems, no job and poor grades at school - that could have been something to do with it if I'm honest. No girl wants to date an alcoholic, so that could easily have put her off you. And if your grades are bad and you dont have a job then it is not looking good for your future, so if you dont have many prospects for the future a girl could be put off by that as you are not long term boyfriend material.
I'm not saying you need to be a genius with a multi-millon dollar career, but you need to at least pass school so you can get a decent job for the future. Women work these days so you dont need to provide for a woman, but you do still need to have a job so you can contribute to the household expenses one day when you get to that stage in a relationship where you move in together etc. If you have no passes from school then you will struggle to get a job, so you will have no money and will rely on either your parents to support you or a girlfriend if she ha a job. And that really is not attractive.
So what can you do now?
Dont be so despondent, all is not lost. Forget about the superbowl, you really should not let that affect your mood! At the end of the day it is just a sport, it was one game and there will be plenty more of those games in the future. Make sure you always have perspective - people are being killed in Syria by their own government, children are starving in Africa, your own American troops are being killed in Afganhistan.... - there really are more important things in life than sport. DO NOT ever let it make you feel depressed, that is really childish. Yes be in a bad mood for a few hours, but that is it.
As for your girlfriend - you have to let her go and give her the space she needs to sort herself out. Yes it feels awful when you cant be with the person you love, and it takes a while to feel better again. But I promise you, in time you will feel better and you will stop thinking about her so much. You are so very young, and there will be plenty more girls you meet in the future who will astonish you and you will fall for them just like you have with your ex. In fact you will meet someone more amazing than her, and it will blow you away. I know you cant see that at the moment, but that is a normal part of the break-up process. Everyone feels like they will never meet someone as good ever again, but that feeling fades in time and eventually you will meet someone better - believe me on that one!
Now you need to take time out from girls and sort your life out. Drinking at your age - so not cool, so damaging to your health and so very unattractive to girls. You need to get some help on this - I think you should visit a doctor, talk to someone at school or talk to your parents. It is hard to quit drinking alone so please get some help while you still can, drinking can take over your life if you let it and it will ruin everything for you, so you need to stop NOW.
Once you get the drinking under control and get that out of your life, you will be able to concentrate on school again and start studying hard to get your grades back up. To get a decent job in the future you need decent grades, so you have to do the hard work now in order to get where you want to be in the future. Yes it sucks, its boring and it is far more fun to be out partying with your friends or meeting girls. But you have your whole life for that, but you only have one chance at school. If you mess this up you mess up the rest of your life - so pull yourself together and do some work. Its not going to do itself, and your grades are not going to get any better unless you do your homework, revise a lot and if you are struggling tell a teacher - they are there to help you.
I know right know it seems like the end of the world, and drinking might be the answer - but I promise you it will only make things worse. Get the drink out of your life and everything will get better. Yes it takes time, and it is a slow painful process but you can get through this, your grades will go up if you work hard, and you will meet another amazing woman one day. Keep your chin up and stay strong, you will get through this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI
no it wasn't you , she was very upset and emotionally connected with the other guy. It looks like you were her re-bound, I know its not nice, but the minute he showed up she ran straight back into his arms. She didn't even stop to think how you would feel, and hurt it would make you. I think you should let this go and try your best to move on. She is not the girl for you and she prooved that by not even thinking about you when her ex reappeared. I know this may seem impossible right now as your feelings are so strong, but there's nothing you can do that will change her mind, there will be another girl for you when the time is right, and she will blow you away the minute you see her.
Mandy x
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