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female
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anonymous
writes: What is wrong with me? When I was with my ex I sometimes used to make up stories about guys hitting on me. And once I even said I cheated but none of this stuff was true. I told him a few minutes later that it wasn't true. But, my question is, why would I say these things? I'm thinking that maybe it was because he always checked out girls and flirted with them when he was out with me and it made me mad. I guess in a way I kind of wanted to see if he would care-and it didn't really seem like he did. Also, maybe I was looking for a way out of the relationship and or maybe I even did want to subconsciously cheat. I have never cheated before, and I wouldn't ever dream of it. My ex was very emotionally abusive, so did I just want a way for him to break up with me because I never had the strenght to do it? (well, i finally did break up with him). But my question is, since I am not a liar, why would I say these things to him? Has anyone else gone through anything similar?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): You just wanted to hurt him and wanted to see a reaction out of him. That's all. When I was younger I may have lied about stuff like that a couple of times in relationships just because I was naive and didn't know any other way to hurt him or make him react. But as you get older you figure out better tactics to get a guys attention. Such as not trying so hard. Nothing works better than that. And you will also learn that you should NEVER paint yourself as "bad" to a guy. Cause even if they are jerks and cheat on you or look at other girls, if you guys break up, they will always remember you as that sweet girl who loved him and was so good to him. And then they'll beat themselves up for treating you the way they did. That is the best revenge.
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 Maybe you are looking for attention, maybe you want to be looked after.You could look into the possibility that you might have a problem with compulsive lying?Maybe you are using the lies to keep your current boyfriend at an arms length, not letting him get too close and giving him reasons/excuses why you might not let him get too close.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): All your reasons for saying those things are correct, you wanted to see a reaction that would indicate he cared, you wanted to hurt him and perhaps his reaction helped you make the chice to end it all.
People do this all the time, I would say usually this is because they dont like the confrontation of just saying whatever needs to be said, its easier to hurt the person and then give yourself an excuse to leave.
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A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 I think you need to give yourself more credit! You have mentioned many very good possibilities-you wanted out, you wanted to see if he cared, and you may have been getting back at him for checking out other girls. Although you should know that it wasnt healthy to communicate with your ex this way, the thing is, its hard in an unhealthy relationship. If he was emotionally abusive to you, than you probably felt even more worthless or insignificant and that he just didnt give a damn about you. I don't think you should worry about why you lied in that relationship anymore! Just know that when you find yourself a healthy man, a real man, then those tendencies shouldnt come back because you wont feel like you dont matter, in fact, you will feel cared about and loved so there will be no need for that!Im glad to see that you got away from that guy and I hope you are moving on and remembering just how special you really are!
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