A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How common is that, that a man cant get an answer from his doctor why does he have erectile dysfunction?My husband has a bad case of ED and total lack of desire. He went to the doctor, and he dint find anything wrong with him, from medical perspective.The psychiatrist didn't think he was depressed, so they said, well it just happens sometimes.Stress, well everybody has stress, Its kind of hard to believe , that anybody today lives, without stress.So now I wonder , how common is that situation when ED is not from a medical condition, or anything concrete, yet it is just completely persistently wrecks the marriage. I know woman, who would leave, even if they know, there husband has a medical condition, what causing their ED . I think ,its cruel. But without knowing what is causing it , ho can you accept it?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Was his work up with a proctologist or an endocrinologist or just his GP? If his GP has no clue he needs to refer him to a specialist…
Does your husband drink coffee or alcohol? Both caffeine and alcohol can affect erections as can nicotine or other drug use… Sometimes at our age (I assume your hubby is around your age) testosterone starts to drop and that can affect so many things including drive, libido and erections….. and a GP may or may not know to test for that… was his blood work for testosterone in the normal range? My hubby is nearly 40 and is is LOW normal so we watch it carefully…..
How is his diet? Does he exercise? Does he carry excess belly weight… that presses on the veins and can cause erection problems…
Sometimes you have to accept things that just are… and even with a reason it doesn’t make it easier to cope with it… if he has no drive, does that mean he’s not affectionate? My hubby is very affectionate and cuddly even if sex is rather sporadic I’m able to cope because I get hugs and kisses and cuddles every day… and yet I know if I had none of that I'd be miserable and either have to leave or take a lover (with permission of course)
Is your husband able to have erections at all???? OR does he not tell you? I mean I find that “morning wood” is the best time to get what I want/need….
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (20 February 2013):
 This happened to my ex husband when he was in his early 40's. He was taking high cholesterol pills and high blood pressure pills, along with having a very stressful job. It was very frustrating for me because I was in my early 30's and as you know that is the beginning of a woman's prime sexual peak. My husband refused to talk to the doctor about his problem, he just wanted me to accept that he could no longer have sex in ANY form. I n the end it helped lead to our divorce (there were many other factors involved though). As Eddie says, at least your husband is willing to go to the doctor and wants to get help!
If the doctor cannot find the problem, I strongly suggest going to another doctor. Is it possible its a psychological thing? You need to just keep searching and rule out EVERYTHING until you get to the bottom of this. There HAS to be a reason why this is happening.
Good luck..I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 What over the counter remedies has he tried to boost his sexual appetite? Its prob psychological. Is he turned on by u? Does he masturbate frequently? Communicate with him n get deeper on this. Im sure there is more to it.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Men, in their 40's do suffer from ED. It happens and it is fairly common. It also happens to women too, except it is called menopause.
There could be a variety of reasons for a lack of sex drive in men:
1) Something physically wrong with him. If his regular doctor couldn't figure it out, try a different one. See a urologist and an endocrinologist (the study of hormones). My belief is that men in their 40's lose testosterone and that can cause sexual dysfunctions. It is often over looked by regular doctors -- again just my opinion.
2) If he is eating a lot of soy products, beware. They have linked soy to estrogen... the anti-testosterone. Some men are more sensitive to it than others. I have heard of men losing their sex drive because of over consumption of soy.
3) Weight gain / out of shape: if your husband is overweight or inactive, it could be a problem. Have him lose the weight and/or hit the gym. Also if he is a cyclist, the bicycle seat can cause blood loss to that area... have him get fitted with a real bike seat. Exercise can also reverse ED but don't expect overnight miracles (often ED can be attributed to poor blood flow and exercise will help this condition).
4) Have you changed? I know it isn't nice to ask, but if you've put on the pounds or made yourself unattractive he could've lost the drive. I am not saying this IS the problem, but it could be part of the problem.
5) Some medications can cause this problem (heart meds, anti depressants, etc). Check with his doctor to see if any are applicable.
Most guys are embarrassed by this problem and will not seek help. The fact that your husband has seen a doctor is promising and shows there is some hope.
Sadly the options for you are not good:
1) Find another lover
2) Satisfy yourself or have your husband help in manually / orally stimulating you. Even if he can't have actual intercourse, he can hold you and provide that physical presence.
3) Live without and accept it as part of the aging process.
4) Somehow get help for your husband and hope that something works.
Eddie
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