A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 years old and have a 2 month old son, me and his father are still together. My parents act like the baby is theirs and like they can make decisions that pertain to him. I'm very responsible and I do everything for my son, my boyfriend (his father) supports us although I'm not living with him. I understand I'm there responsibly but I also understand my baby is my responsibility. They have no control over wether I decide to let his father take the baby for the day or let him keep him for the night or anything else I decide, right ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):
I did some legal research and this is what I found:
1. You have full control of the baby in medical matters
2. Your parents have full control of every other decision relating to you and the baby as long as they are supporting you (which they are if you live with them)
3. If you want to be emancipated then you have to move out on your own and/or marry the father
When is the wedding?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2011):
If you are in their house, and under the age of 18, then I'm pretty sure that they do have the right to make decisions on your behalf, because you are also a child in their care. If you want to take full charge, then you will need to leave their house.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Until you are 18, your parents have full legal rights over you and the baby.
You are a child with a child, if your parents think that for example, the baby cant stay at your boyfriends house overnight, you should respect their decision. You are under their roof, feeding you, keeping you warm, if there are rules set then you should abide by them.
If you dont like their decisions, then move out.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I forgot something in my previous post .
It's normal that your parents have doubts about your capability of being responsible. Don't take it too personally, and don't take it in the wrong way.
Eleven months ago you made a very irresponsible choice- as irresponsible as choosing to lie down on the railroad tracks for taking a nap. It does not get much more irresponsible than having unprotected sex at age 15 .
This does not mean that now you can't be or become a great , fantastic, outstanding parent. Just that it is understandable if your parents are not fully sure that in less than one year you have made a 180° turnaround and are done forever with impulsive or immature or superficial choices,, which could negatively affect your baby too.
It's like ...you sort of are in probation now. Very galling ,yes- but fully deserved. Act with respect and appreciation toward your parents, and you'll regain faster your credibility as a responsible adult.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (9 June 2011):
What exactly do you mean when you say your bf supports you? Do you mean emotionally or financially or both? And to what extent, eg. if he supports you financially do you mean he pays for the roof over your head, your food, bills and transport, or does he buy stuff for the baby?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): If you were 'very responsible' you wouldn't have been pregnant and unable to support yourself at age 16, would you?
It's to your credit that you're trying to do right by your son and I wish you every success. However as long as your parents are the ones providing food, shelter and whatever else they're giving you they ought to have some say in how their grandchild is raised. Or should they just be expected to pay up and shut up?
When you're carrying all the adult burdens, then you can enjoy the adult perks.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 June 2011):
 i'm sorry, i misunderstood you. your boyfriend, who is the father of your child, supports you. in which case changes my answer completely. i believe you two should have complete say so in the raising of your child. unfortunately, parents have a tendency to do this when their children have kids at a young age because they worry and stress that the baby won't be adaquately taken proper care of. while this is an understandable fear, they should respectfully take a step back and only help when you ask for help. good luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 June 2011):
i respectfully disagree. i think if his father is supporting you, he has every bit of right to decide what he feels is best. once you and your boyfriend support yourselves, that's when you have every bit of say. but until then, i'm assuming he sees it as you both not being mature enough to take care of the child properly. because while you may not see it now, a huge part of being responsible is also being financially responsible.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 If you're living with your parents, and are under 18 (which is in most places considered when you are an adult) your parents have full rights to tell you what when and where. Unfortunately for you, they're rightfully in charge as you are still a child in the eyes of the law. That means the baby is also their responsibility.
Look at it this way, if something was to happen to the baby, your parents would probably be placed as the responsible ones in court.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): I think you should be gratefull the baby has all this love and support and try and realise that there will come a day when you wish you had more time to yourself.
It sounds as if you are just trying to get your head around it all and that's just fine. Please understand that you are still young and although you want to feel that you have a bit more space it's a good thing that you have some support around you. It would be just awful if you were to live alone or with your boyfriend right now. You will always be your baby's mother so do not forget that and neither will the baby when the baby grows up, they will be gratefull to of had a nice start in life with few hassles and a lot of love.
Your parents might be aware that your boyfriend is adjusting to all of this and try to make it easier on you and the baby by not overwhelming him with the responsibility, that is a good thing or he could fall through all together as he is so young and not in a situation to learn to be a Dad since neither of you are married or together - do you understand? Although you might be adjusting sligtly better since you live with your parents and have the baby all the time. It's best not to leave the baby in his care without adults around too often he is only 16. Maybe in a year or so things will change a bit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):
You are 16. They can legally make all decisions for you and for your baby. Deal with it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 June 2011):
Are you living under your parent's roof ? Are you paying a regular rent for the accomodation ? You say your boyfriend supports you, but does this also mean he splits with your parents the cost of : gas , electricity, heating, water, home repairs, garbage collection, TV and PC services, phone, cleaning products etc. ? When your parents babysit for you, do you pay them or they do it for free ?.Do you have your own car , or do you use the family car ?..
My point is : from a strictly legal point of view your parents have no say- whatever you and your bf say ,goes. From a moral point of view, I think it's too easy and convenient
being "responsible " and "independent " when it suits you - and accepting help and a roof over your head when it does not.
Get your own place and start your own family , then you can tell everybody to butt out of your business.
Until you live with them, and accept any form whatsoever ( not necessarily financial only ) of help and support, you owe them at least to LISTEN to their concerns and opinions, take them into account with an open mind, and then decide.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You're right on this although it is best to try and respect your parents wishes as best as possible. By all legal standings you are that babies gaurdian and your parents have no legal abiltiy when it comes to your baby. With that being said you don't want too much tension while you are living in their house. When they dissagree with something make sure to sit down and have a calm discussion as to why the insist on it being that way. You still have much to learn from your parents but they also need to understand that you must be treated as a adult here otherwise you will never beable to be an adult taking care of your child.
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A
female
reader, flowerpower810 +, writes (9 June 2011):
I believe your parents have most rights to your child until your 18
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (9 June 2011):
 If you are taking good care of that baby, being responsible with it physically and fiscally, then your parents should be understanding and let you raise your kid. However, if your parents are being financially supportive, being that you're so young, they may feel like the baby is theirs in some way.
Talk it over with them. Do not yell or make accusations. Say 'I feel like you try to control what I do with [insert baby's name here] and I'm not comfortable with that.' or something along the lines of that. Be calm and collected, don't get carried away if they get angry.
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