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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Just wanted to ask, is it fair that my boyfriend expects me to pay for dinner sometimes (for the both of us) when he's the one with a pretty good, stable part time job (24hr) and I'm unemployed (because my college schedule is loaded)? I'm not trying to get out of paying or anything, I do pay and most of the time, he pays too. But sometimes he has ridiculous demands. Like if I've saved up some money from a temp job (helping my parents out) he will ask me to pay for an expensive, 60 dollar dinner. Again, I don't want to make it seem like I expect him to pay for everything, but as soon as I have a balance of like 100 dollars he expects me to take him out while his balance of more than 2000 just sits there. I do feel a bit uncomfortable asking this and I always offer my bf dinner at my house and I cook for him and stuff. Please don't take this question the wrong way v_v I'm not selfish at all, I just don't spend any money period to compensate for not having a job. But I am currently looking for one for the holiday season. Should I just shut up and pay?? He never asks to split either. It's either me paying or us not going.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 You should only pay for what you can COMFORTABLY afford.
Like you, I agree with him not paying for everything as this would eventually leave him feeling like a meal ticket (pun intended) and you feeling forever indebted. But his champagne taste should not be funded by your beer budget.
I think your problem is trying to live up to what HE thinks is fair instead of doing what actually works. You're going to have to learn to be a bit more seflish. Actually it isn't really selfish, but it will feel that way at first compared to how you've been so far.
Maybe he doesn't want you to have money because he knows that it would give you more options and he might find himself off the menu.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 What's appalling is he's fully aware of your financial situation!! If he wants to go out and dine at these lavish restaurants then he can foot the bill!! Your boyfriend should be ashamed of himself for MAKING a girl with NO job pay for all of an expensive dinner.
I wonder what would he say if you told him no you weren't going to pay the bill? Make you wash dishes?
I get that it's 2011 and the girlfriend can contribute $$ to dates to, but never to pay for all of it. Usually her half or leave a decent tip.
Just remind him next time he suggests going to some 5 star restaurant that you don't have the funds to go and would rather cook dinner at home because it's much cheaper.
I'd seriously be rethinking this relationship.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 He is arguably manipulative here. You have ur frugality thats allowed n he should respect that. If he was smart he would admire your financial management rather than acting like an idiot.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Somehow, "charity" just doesn't seem so "charitable" when you are told to partake of it under duress.....
Considering your joint financial situation, it's not outlandish for you to pick up a check now and again... BUT, you should get inexpensive checks and HE should incur the more-expensive ones.... IF he is unable to count to a sufficient number for HIM to understand this, then you have a mathmatical-challenged boyfriend.... and dumping him would be as simple as telling him, ".... one, two, three, you're out of here..." That arithmetic should be basic enough that he understands it....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 November 2011):
 No, you shouldn't just shut up and pay.
Save up your money. Go 50/50 if he is that cheap. Make a budget and if he complains, show him JUST how little money you actually have.
Honestly, he should appreciate the effort you make when cooking him dinner.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Its your money. You do with it as he pleases. He pays for his food, you pay for yours. If he feels generous enough to treat you to dinner, he'll do so NOT as a business transaction, but out of generosity. Which means he can't expect things in return. Tell him that if he treats you to dinners only to get it in return he needs to stop, because you can't take him out whenever he demands it, and you will choose to spend your money as YOU see fit.
Your boyfriend has you seriously played if he's managed to make you feel like you should be selfish for this. Is he a manipulator of sorts? There's no need for you to apologize to strangers online asking us to not take it the wrong way, it's YOUR money, and YOU are entitled to spend it however you like. Really. If your boyfriend has got you convinced of anything else then he's good at playing mind games.
Your boyfriend is in no position to demand squat. People do nice things to each other in a relationship out of their own free will, not because the other demands it. If you'd rather cook him a home made meal at home, which is AMAZINGLY NICE of you (remember that, cooking food for him is very generous of you!), then he's got some nerve to demand you "do better" and take him out. Sounds like he's spoiled.
Set the spoiled brat straight. Your money. You decide what to use it on. He pays his fancy dinners himself.
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