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What's this guy trying to say?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

What's this guy playing at?

I've been seeing a guy for about 3 months as a no strings attached, it's sort of become FWB as we've gotten to know on another.

I've never thought he's wanted more as he's never suggested a date or anything. We have both kept our online profiles active.

However I haven't used mine much lately as when I did he would send me sarcastic message referring to me being online. He would also get touchy about me not initiating meeting up. I have a few times contacted him first ad to try and make things more balanced. Although I'm reluctant as I see him online fairly often.

It's been over a week since our last meet up and we last spoke through text on Sunday.

Out of the blue he sends me a message on the dating site saying he's lost my number. This is don't really believe as he could of sent a face book message instead. Now I can see he's online most of the morning too.

I sent him my number again and he sent back thanks.

I'm just wondering if this is some kind of game to make me see he's online and obviously not very interested.

I was happy to keep things casual but don't want to be one in a rotation. How should I proceed with this.

He's obviously still looking. Should I just tell him I'm done ?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 September 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWhat is it that you want? Do you want no string attached or do you want a relationship? That is the first question you need to ask yourself. Because if you want more then the best thing to do is leave this guy be and find someone who wants the same things as you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI think he might want more than an FWB and that is why he is "online" and back on the dating site. HE is still looking and my guess is, so are you.

If you see him online then you are obviously online too and vice verse.

I think for many people once a "thing" has been mostly casual it doesn't go further and many people don't want that in an ACTUAL long term partner.

Casual and "sorta FWB" have an expiration date for most. There isn't that much to build on as sex has been the primary motivation for seeing each other and the main focus on what when on. Especially, if one of the two people in this really wants a deeper connection and relationship.

So my advice? Decide what you want. Do you want a string of casual relationships or a "real" relationship?

If you want the first then GET used to them not lasting all that long. If you want the latter, don't accept being casual to start out.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 September 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat do YOU want out of this relationship? It sounds like you want something at least one-to-one, if not a full blown relationship.

It sounds to me (just going off what you have posted) that he is keeping you as a casual booty call when he has nothing better on offer. It doesn't sound like that is something you are comfortable with. Obviously you are worth more than this so, unless this is a situation you are happy with, I would be calling it a day and leaving him to his on-line activities. If he was keen, he would have made it obvious by now.

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