A
male
age
51-59,
*razy420
writes:I'm a guy, and there is a girl I met semi-recently and developed strong romantic feelings for. We've know each other about 4 mos, we've hung out, partied, we talk on Facebook, we text and we talk. She knows i like her as more than just a friend. She ONLY wants to be friends. Lately I've been declining invitations to see each other because it's waaay too hard for me to just sit there with her, suffering thru moments when I feel like expressing my feelings, all the while knowing they aren't returned.We talked about this and she's rather upset that I keep turning her down, not understanding how difficult it all is.I told her its only hurting me to want more from her than she wants to give, and how I don't want to put myself thru that....wishing I could be holding her and kissing her, and more - but having to settle for a handshake and a smile. Needless to say, she didn't take it as intended. Now she's under the impression that I don't want to chill because she's not willing to have sex with me. That's sooo not what it is. I talked to a few female friends of mine and they said she's wanting to use me. To continue to capitalize on everything I am willing to do because of my feelings (that she most definitely knows I have) for her, while remaining in a position to feel non-obligated to return them. My friends know that us two have been hanging out and that every time we do, I'm footing the bill for either gas to go get her, beverages, food, entertainment, etc. They keep asking what she's bringing to the table, and I don't really have much to say other than her causing within me a deeply sensual, affectionate, warm and fuzzy attraction that I can't fully express. There are so many moments when it's like "guy kisses girl under the moon light by the lake" and it's like i have to hold myself back and it's makes me sad and depressed.It feels like torture to see her now. Is this wrong for me to think??? I don't know if it wrong of me to tell her or if she is just being inconsiderate??? Am I being a weakling-douche bag??? How can I fix all this???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): I think she is being inconsiderate. And I disagree that you need to re-explain this to her. Your lady friend already understands the situation perfectly but she is unwilling to forego the perks your friendship gives her. Accusing you of just wanting sex is a smoke screen to guilt you into maintaining the status quo.
Your friends are right. This woman may not be a bad person, but she is taking advantage of the situation.
Keeping a safe distance from her is a reasonable precaution.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 May 2011):
 I don't see you being a douche at all. I kind of seeing her being a little "douchy" honestly.
If your friends can see through her, you need to open your eyes and listen to them.
You want more then she is willing to give. But what she is expecting from you in return is not really what a friend should/can expect from a friend. I have male friends and they DON'T pay my way nor would I expect them too, jsut because of their gender.
Tell her that you don't want her as a friend that it jsut doesn't work for you, it has nothing to do with sex per day. But with romantic feelings.
I'd cut her out now. Find someone who are on the same page as you.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 You need to explain your feelings again to her. That is if the conversation is that way or else you may come across as needy.
She will feel guilty for not feeling what you feel but when it comes down to it you cant stay waiting for that "maybe" from her. She cant stop you from moving on to meet other people, sounds like a situation you dont want to be in but you must think what is best for you. See her less regularly and go out with other people to clear your head and have fun! When you do see her however, suggest something which does not involve money or having to pay for her and see how interested she is in seeing you as a friend. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, silverlining +, writes (29 May 2011):
 This sounds like hell, i think you need to re explain yourself to her! You cant expect her to feel the same but you could consider trying carry on seeing her and then maybe you will grow on her but dont rely on this as it may never happne and you have to be ready to except this! Maybe next time you go out together you could tell her your a bit strapped for cash and find out if she fancys doing something that does not cost anything! If she likes your comapany then she will be happy to just go for a walk or something!
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