A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am trying to gently end a three month relationship with my 40 year old recently divorced boyfriend who has made excuses not to see me to discuss our communication problems. I am always willing to talk and I think I have gently supported him a lot in the last few weeks. He said he's under so much stress he doesnt want to break up and feels very alone. I have his keys and some items. He will only talk occasionally by text. I have never been hostile and assured him I am not angry or upset and just need to hand his keys back and it would be good to chat if hes up to it. He will not text his exact flat number and I dont remember his flat number and I am not 100% of it. I dont want to turn up as he lives over an hour's drive and may be out. He has been saying for a week we can meet but has pulled out twice now. I am moving on from him but it feels as though this is the final step he doesnt want to face. Should I give him more time to adapt. If they were my keys and itemd I would want them now!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 April 2016):
 Forget him. Keep his items safe... and if/when he ever asks you to return them, send them to him by post....
There's no "best way" to handle a breakup if - by that - that the break will go smoothly...
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): I see you live in the UK so try 192.com although you may have to register. Failing that there's the electoral roll but he may have opted out of that.
As I know it's unlikely he has an office or concierge where he lives (unless it's v posh) you could try sending the items to his workplace.
In all honesty it's up to him to come and get his keys etc and l think he's being very immature. Everyone is entitled to end a relationship and speaking personally l'd not want to leave my keys with an ex.
If all else fails tell him he's got a week to come and collect everything and if he doesn't you'll take everything to your local recycling bank.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): Thank you. Hes just moved there and its rented so difficult to trace. I will bite the bullet and go round. He has to come home at some point.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 April 2016):
 Do you know any shared acquaintances? Have you tried the white pages? Or phone reverse look up? It can sometimes give you the address. I just did a white pages on us (my family) and it came up with our address.
I'd go with the white pages/reverse look up and see if you can get an address. If you do, I'd send his keys and stuff as registered mail, which means he will have to sign for it and you will get a receipt that he got the items.
You can also try a free background check database - they will give you the name/address but no more for free. But since all you need is his address, it might work.
That way you can block/delete once you know he got his stuff.
I get that you feel sorry for him, but to me it feels like he is trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage by refusing to take his items back. Because as LONG as you have his items he knows you feel obligated to keep communications open. I don't think giving him more time is the way to go. Don't play his "let's stick out heads in the sand" game.
It was a 3 months courtship - so I don't feel you OWE him to stay in touch if you want to move on. But I know personally, I'd feel better if his things were returned before blocking him.
Now IF white pages/reverse look up doesn't work, tell him he had 7 days to get in touch with you and pick it up after that... you will drop the stuff off at the maintenance/office/supervisor at his apartment building.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 April 2016):
 Give him the last chance speech then move on. Dispose of the items as you see fit. Perhaps you could offer to mail them to him.
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