A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend who I love! However, at my Christmas party, one of my colleagues told me he was sexually attracted to me, could see he wanted to make moves. He told me that his girlfriend did not stay in shape for him and he wasn't happy with her etc. Obviously we had had a few drinks but I absolutely did not let anything happen. He friend request me on Facebook though which I accepted. Sent a couple of messages that night he wanted to see if I got home ok etc. Then I see him put up photos of him and his girlfriend. She's very slim and trim and fit, very pretty and they look so happy in the pictures. So clearly I just thought he was being a pig and a liar trying to cheat on her! Forgot all about it, came back from my Xmas holidays and (as we are both sort of shy and introverted) all we have done is nodded hello to each other which is mostly what we did before. I always feel tension and for me there is an elephant in the room! I could be paranoid.Except I keep dreaming about him every second night and its all sweet affectionate kind of lovey dovey dreams. My boyfriend has been busy setting up his own business so he has been stressed and distracted etc which is understandable. How can I ignore these dreams though because it's making me think about this guy a lot! Also, we did a personality test in work. Turns out he is the same personality as my boyfriend (a very rare one!) And that their personality types and mine are often drawn together without really knowing why. My personality type and being a female make me the rarest of all (yay!) ;-)Just please advise how I deal with this. Do I need to talk to him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): You asked about how you can stop dreaming about this co-worker and get your focus back on your boyfriend.
It is not abnormal or immoral to have occasional thoughts of another person after being in a relationship for a long time. As long as you do not act on these temporary feelings you are not a horrible person.
If you can try and train yourself to put another thought in to take the place of your dreams about this co-worker, you will find that these disturbing thoughts start to go away. Maybe try to put your boyfriend in place of this guy in the daydreams/thoughts that you have of this other guy. Or when you find yourself thinking about this other guy, pick a great memory that you & your boyfriend share and focus your thoughts there instead.
At first this will be tough, but you will find that if you are consistent with this, you will soon stop thinking about your un-available co-worker.
Best of luck to you, let us know how it goes.
*oh, and not a bad idea to try to plan a date night or something with your boyfriend to rekindle the romance!*
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): Hi OP here.. thanks for your answers.I must have put across the impression that I want to cheat on my boyfriend. I absolutely do not, and I do NOT even slightly fancy this guy at work either!! I'm very loyal to my boyfriend, I love him to bits. He knows I would like to spend more time with him but I understand that with his business opening, that he needs to put his efforts into his 18 hour days at work. He has zero cash at the moment so I cook for him and bring him food at work, I fill his tank with petrol and I'm trying to make his life a bit easier. We both know that in a few weeks once this business start up work is done that he will have more time for us.
I really just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to stop this dreaming because it's weird. Dreams affect me quite deeply, I have woken up crying and been depressed for hours over various dreams over the years even though I kNOW they're not real!
It's these dreams that make me feel awkward and he must be embarrassed or something because it didn't bother me in the slightest until the dreams started...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): you need to wake up out of this little fantasy of yours and start talking to your bf.
if he is stressed why not surprise him with something rather then getting distracted easily
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 January 2015):
 Yep, I agree with YouWish
Get your head out of your little fantasy land, and TALK to your BF. If you NEED more attentions from him, make sure he knows, instead of you making up excuses as to why it's OK to begin something with a guy at work. Spend time with your BF or END it with your BF.
As for the personality test? Seriously, that is an excuse to get to know him better?
You have a BF, you are off limits, the guy has a GF, HE is off limits, and he LIED to you, to see if you wanted to have a little "supply-room" nookie, because THAT is how "DEEPLY" (- that was sarcasm) he thinks of you. He hit on you at a Christmas party, because you were there, he was there and alcohol was there.
How would you feel if your BF was "dreaming" about some girl at work who had hit on him at some Christmas party? And now wondered if he had missed out.... Wouldn't feel very good, would it?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2015):
 YOU have a boyfriend, so what are you doing being disloyal to him?? Not only that, but to a hideous disgusting morally bankrupt cheater who not only was disloyal to his girlfriend, but bashed her to try to get in your pants.
What is there to dream about, except to have nightmares of him ripping your character to the next girl he wants to screw at a party??
I wouldn't have friended the guy. I don't keep friends who treat their significant others that way, nor do I have guy friends who made moves on me when I have a husband. You don't friend guys who make moves on you when you have a boyfriend.
Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him you're lonely and need a date with him. And if your boyfriend isn't for you anymore, then do the HONORABLE thing and break up with him before considering other guys. You don't fix relationship needs by cheating. That's like fixing a leak in your kitchen faucet by setting fire to the house and letting it burn to the ground.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (22 January 2015):
 First off, something that annoyed me about this guy was that he thought his girlfriend should keep fit FOR HIM. Ugh!
I suppose you could try talking to him to clear the air but, if you do that, you need to know your game plan beforehand.
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