A
female
age
30-35,
*essica M Payne
writes:So here's the story...meet my ex 4 years ago (2010), he broke up with me after 5 months (april to september) for his ex (who cheated on him before he met me) (Our relationship had everything one should have, trust, love, freedom etc) he then gets engaged to her three months after (sees me while she's away, in January 2011) I find a message on Myspace from 2011 from that July)..then marries her in 2012 (still messaging me)...fast forward to 2014, and he's had a baby with her a few weeks ago...within these 4 years he has messaged me on and off, claiming he misses me and says things about her that I believe...such as she's controlling, she argues with him etc. Anyway, so last year in December they are "Seperated" so Facebook says, he messages saying he wants to catch up so we do, things for me still feel the exact same as when we first met when I was 17...he then starts the texting on and off thing again, so I leave it, then he messages in January and he stands me up..., then messages again in february so I see him this time, again have the same feelings and he ends up kissing me this time, twice, saying he then doesn't want to "lead me on"....tries to get me to stay the night, but I went home, he then messages me for two days after saying I should come up and get more kisses and hugs and that it was great seeing me, then stops messaging, and I find out he's had his son via facebook..anyway, I've messaged, he hasn't responded, I have been getting messages from his "wife" telling me to let him be the father and husband he is....Anyway, I don't want to change my number as of the cap im on, is the best, and blocking his number I can't do as my carrier doesn't allow it...I just want to know what you think is truely going on with this ex of mine, either he will keep on playing games or if he will come back to me...As far as I'm concerned, he was 'happier' with me in those 5 months given I never cheated on him or did anything to hurt him (she was his first love, first sex partner yet I warned him she would cheat again and apparently she did when they were engaged/married), sure I still love him, it's obvious...but...what games (if they are games) is he playing, and did the kissing me mean anything to him?Basically he's messaged me from 2011 to now 2014 (2012 and 2013 included)Sorry if I have made the years and stuff mixed up, hope you get it.
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female
reader, Jessica M Payne +, writes (13 September 2015):
Jessica M Payne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo guys, you were right!
met up with my ex again for the first time yesterday since these last chats and he's yep....left me hanging yet again. Definetely over it for good now!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): Jessica, you've missed the point entirely.
He married her. He didn't marry you.
So she didn't steal him from you. He left you willingly.
He played you along; because his ego is so huge he didn't want you seeing other men.
He wanted to be sure that when he left you, he'd already have someone waiting. You on the other-hand would be left confused; and not looking for anyone.
You're waiting for him, just as he planned. She didn't win. She got the booby-prize!
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A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 Greetings OP,
You need to learn to put up the wall.
The guy is buttering you up and you are falling for it hook line & sinker. You want our help but you are doing only half a job on this. Block him on all forms of communication, even mobile. It can be done and the only person who is stopping you is the person in the mirror.
If after that he finds a way to get back in touch then call the police as the guy is stalking his claim.
You have the power to get through this but you must make the effort
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A
female
reader, Jessica M Payne +, writes (19 March 2014):
Jessica M Payne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your help.well...she kind of did steal him back away from me,a few weeks into our relationship she messaged me on facebook saying "He's just going to say the exact words he said to me" , I told her to stop messaging me and leave us because we were happy. then a month or two before he broke up with me, I helped him move, he had a picture in a frame of her (a file full of photos of her, and a seperate one of me on his phone) I noticed he had added her back on facebook, and apparently she messaged him because she was in a bad state, She could of simply left the two of us be happy, but her newly single self wanted him back I guess...I have before told him to (in not so nice words) to go away in text messages, and he's said "don't be like that, you don't mean that, I miss talking to you"I would like all of your help to get through this!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): He is playing mind-games and he knows he can keep you in 2010, as long as he keeps in-touch. You are suspended in time, and spiteful of his marriage.
You never got over him, and he likes dangling you on a string. It gives him power over your fate. You'll never find another man; as long as he owns you and your feelings. He is a narcissistic mind-controlling jerk. You are ready, willing, and able to keep your presence felt in his marriage. You want to destroy it; thinking in some way you'll get him back.
You are just a toy in his toy-chest. He can wind you up, and likes to watch you spin and bump into walls.
Then he tells his wife that he can't make you leave him alone. He probably has you characterized as his wacko-stalker ex-girlfriend. She probably believes him.
How much you want to bet that you get all the blame in his version of the dramatic-story?
Bail-out! Stop making up all those ridiculous excuses why you can't block and delete him. Do you really think we're that gullible?
The fact is, you don't want to.
You want to stick around until you've succeeded at ending/destroying his marriage.
If you feel you can handle the karma. Suit yourself. He's a jerk, she never did anything to you.
Who deserves justice in this quadrangle? Mommy and baby!
With baby, legal-rights, and half his assets; mommy has the upper-hand.
Cut yourself free and go find happiness, my dear!
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (18 March 2014):
Greetings,
I must concur with my colleagues in this matter, you are as much to blame in all this as you don't seem to WANT to let go.
Your actions indicate a deeper desire that you hope he will leave his wife and mother of his first born to be with you.
Otherwise you would have un-friended him, blocked and as HoneyPie stated, snipped his ego in the bud when he calls by setting him straight.
If you truly want a solution to this you need to learn to walk away. You need to learn that his behavior won't change and that you are merely a means to an end for past behavior of his wife.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 You are living in some sort of dream world. Come on girlfriend, wake up and smell the coffee. Yes he's playing games and you are playing right back. He's not ever going to come back to you, to stay anyway and quite honestly it doesn't sound like he was ever really yours anyway. Time to let go.
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A
female
reader, KimPossiblee +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Honestly, put yourself in his wives shoes, If it was you would you want your husband and the father of your child be stolen away from an ex? According to her she loves very much and apparently has his kid, but he's the unfaithful one here, its clear that he is trying to live the double life, when himself needs to step up on his responsibility, which is taking care of his wife and son. Therefore, The best thing I would tell you do is move on with your life, its not like he's the only guy that can make you feel the way your feeling towards him, you just have to move on, let go and explore life. Stop going back to him, He's playing you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2014):
 You are his fall back girl. The rebound girl who he can ALWAYS count on to rub his ego JUST right. And I think you are his "revenge" for her past cheating. Because she cheated on him, he feels JUSTIFIED to do as he pleases as SHE made the first misstep. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Honestly, I think you should be far more concerned with your OWN actions then his.
YOU knew he want back to her but continued to see/chat/text/talk to him as if she didn't exist. Why would you do that? To yourself mostly, but also to another woman. It's NOT her fault that he went back to her. THAT was HIS choice.
If their relationship was SO horrible he could have walked away.ANY point in time. EVEN if she was pregnant. My guess is a LOT of their DRAMA (separation) was over you.
She wasn't just his FIRST love, she is his wife and mother of his son and first child. HE has MADE his choice, he isn't leaving her for you. Accept that, no matter what BS he feeds you to think there can be more.
For your own sanity and well-being CUT him lose. Block and un-friend him on FB. Delete his number and if he DOES call you, tell him to go home to his wife and HANG up. He will soon tire of that game.
My guess is that he was hoping for more then a kiss. Because he obviously doesn't respect you, nor his Wife.
You need to push him off that pedestal you put him up on and see him for the guy he really is. He USED you as a rebound and now he is trying to use you again. And he treats his wife like crap. What a guy! (sarcasm)
Don't you want more for yourself? Or are you happy with a guy who ACTUALLY DOES string you along? Are you happy with whatever sloppy seconds you can get from him? Why not find a guy who is 1. single and 2. Wanting to BE with you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 March 2014):
 WHY would you spend even one iota of your spiritual and mental energy on this a$$hole who has proven (more than once) what a jerk he is????
Forget him (He "offers" absolutely NOTHING positive to your life!), and get on with your life... with HIM in your rear view mirror...
Good luck....
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