A
female
age
,
*agleowl
writes:Hi, I walked out on my longterm partner a few months ago, even though I still love him. His jealousy was making me crazy and ruining our relationship. I also must admit that I had treated him badly in the past, lied to him a few times which led to excessive fighting because of his insecurity (I have to add that the lies involved necessary general contact with the father of my children, who I have still not divorced due to him threatening to kidnap our children). We have had contact since and I know he still cares for me. However, as I wasn't prepared for us to move back in together at this stage, in order to protect my children, he found someone else. Now he calls me and tells me she doesn't match up to me and she is lovely but demanding. One minute she is fantastic, the next, too demanding. He supposedly never lies but begs me not to tell this lady about our talks. He asked me to give him 6 months while he sees if he can make his new relationship work. While they were away together he sent me several texts. He has come round to see me a few times and every time he decides there should be no more contact because I have hurt him, he then calls me and tells me he can't stop caring about me and even asked me to text him every 2 weeks to let him know how my kids are getting on. He suggested that, if his new lady can't stand him getting these texts, then she is history. What is his game? Does he still care about me, or he is trying to pay me back for leaving him? I am totally confused
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female
reader, eagleowl +, writes (21 January 2009):
eagleowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnow gets worse! This morning, my ex partner turned up at my doorstep. He threw his arms around me and hugged and kissed me. Then he started crying and asking why i kept hurting him with my deception during our relationship. I stayed calm because i didnt want to start dragging up all the past. He then said he had changed his mind about me sending texts every couple of weeks regarding my kids; he said he didnt want me ever to text or call him again, but he would call me every now and then to make sure i was okay. I asked if his girlfriend knew about this and he said no. I then said that indicated he wasnt too much in love with her and he said he wasnt atall in love with her but needed to move on from me, but admitted he was probably being unfair to her. When i said that, as i was not allowed to text or call him again, i had better get on with my life, he got angry and upset and said i was hurting him again. He asked why i couldnt wait the 6 months to see how he feels about me then (whether he has been able to forgive me all my sins!!!). He added that, as long as i was divorced by then, and as long as he wasnt with anyone, perhaps we could try again, but was also concerned that he would never be able to trust me and the strain would kill him in the end. What do you think about that???
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This sounds to me a really unhealthy dynamic, you are married because you are afraid to divorce, he is jealous and possessive and still can't let go of you even after he has moved on and found someone else!
Does this sound like a healthy partner? It wouldn't surprise me if he suffers from a personality disorder, where his relationships are really quite superficial, but he sometimes flys into a jealous rage or throws a tantrum over some perceived threat that you are going to leave him or hurt him.....And once you dump a person like this, they still want to try and stay attached to you...it is really about their own deep insecurity and abnormal need to be dependent....If this at all fits him, he may be bipolar.
Any emotionally healthy adult would not choose this kind of relationship for themselves with this much drama. He is being really unkind and unfaithful to his current girlfriend. I don't know why you would give him the time of day, you aren't a car that he goes out on the lot to buy, he obviously thinks you are expensive and something to be sought after and I am sure that is not lost on your ego, but you are not an object to bartered over, you are a person deserving of a healthy partner and relationship, that is if you are healthy yourself. It sounds like you have a lot of baggage with your current husband and that situation, which makes it difficult or near impossible for a man to be in a relationship with you....I hope you can get some help to get it straightened out. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 January 2009):
 Hard to say. He sounds like he isn't over you totally, I would honestly be offeded to be dragged into his new relationship the way he is dragging you in and the things he says about her. Totally disrespectful. To me, he sounds like a manipulative SOB.
Tell him the two of you need to limit your communication to JUST be about the kids. Nothing else. If he start on her then I suggest you end the conversation.
He might be trying to have a GF and you on the side.... Not fair to anyone involved. Makes you wonder what he is telling the GF about you...
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