A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last week i met a guy. my friends gave my number to him, because he asked for it. But i don't want him to think i'm interested, because he keeps flirting and i'm not doing it back, hoping he will get the idea. I don't want to say the same thing most girls say, 'i have a boyfriend or i'm seeing someone,' because thats an obvious lie to kick em to the side. What could i do? I know it is harmless texting, but i don't want to lead him on, since i have done it to many guys, and i do not want to do it again!?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 April 2011):
"I'm very flattered by your attention, but I'm just not ready to date anyone at this time"
A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (13 April 2011):
You owe it to yourself and him just to say unambiguously you are not interested in him and won't be. One of the more embarrassing things in my youth (mid 1980s) occurred when a girl was lukewarm to me so as a male I tried to 'fix' things, as is typical of male nature, by working on being fascinating, amusing, gently persistant, and all the other stuff that invariably works in that imbecilic chicklit you lot devour.
You notice how the wrong people always seem to do the right things, (i.e. short and slightly balding Bernie is doing the thoughtful little things and saying the dialogue that you actually want to experience from studly mercenary Bjorn) and that makes it worse?
Finally after a few weeks of this, she arranged to meet me at a pub and showed up with a guy. Apparently she told him I'd been 'harassing her'. Actually he figured out the situation within about 5 minutes of meeting me and actually apologised to me when she went to the bathroom, but all of that could have been avoided by a simple, definite 'no' from her, instead of the usual female rubbish of "I'll give him a few ambiguous hints and hope he's sufficiently in touch with his feminine side to know how a woman thinks'.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I think you should just send him a text saying something like this 'I'm really sorry, I had no idea that my friends would give out my number without asking me first, but I'm just not looking to date anyone at the moment. Sorry again and all the best.'
If you come right out and tell him 'sorry I'm just not interested in you' - that is a little harsh. But if you say you are not looking for a relationship or looking to date anyone, that indicates it is not him that is the problem, you just dont want to get involved with anyone at all right now. It might not be true (you might want to date) but it is the only real way out of this without telling him outright you dont like him.
And next time tell your friends not to give out your number, that is really awful for them to do that to you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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