A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I read in Cosmo that the ideal foreplay time for women was 20 minutes. My question is, what does foreplay actually include? Is oral sex (cunni) considered foreplay? It can take a while for me to get turned on but i have to say i dont think i ever had 20 minutes of foreplay! Usually my boyfriend will kiss me here and there for a few seconds, then move to giving me oral and kinda expects me to cum fairly quickly before moving on to penetration. Most of the time im unable to orgasm that fast though and that's causing friction between us. He does things fairly quickly and i need a lot of teasing. In any case, is oral foreplay?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 You can get benefits from self pleasuring. Take note of what turns you on, ever since your puberty, what gets you wet. This is something you have to find out. Cosmo is a general guide to a variety of women. I think Cosmo would also tell you to communicate with your guy better. Some people are visual, some are tactile, and some are olfactory. I agree that the brain is the biggest sexual organ. The hurry to an orgasm can be a turn off. You need to let him know that the goal of sex is not always orgasm, it is the minute to minute intimacy and sensations.
I would advise you to give your boyfriend an orgasm first, so he loosens up and can focus on your pleasure. You can also do things that are not mutually arousing. He can touch your clit or finger you. If you are not wet yet he can use his saliva.
Really if sex takes that much work it could mean there is no chemistry between you two.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): First off OP, you want to know one of the best secrets to a good relationship? Stop reading shite like Cosmo. If porn gives men bad expectations of what "good" sex should be like then Cosmo is the female equivalent, Cosmo is trash and does more harm than good. I've dumped girls for trying to manipulate me based on advice from that magazine. I've actually read articles in that which said cheating on your boyfriend is not only acceptable but healthy, apparently Cosmos way of getting more attention from your boyfriend is to flirt openly with other guys in front of him.
OP there is no time limit on foreplay, it all depends on what you want from it. Do you want to be just warmed up for intercourse or do you want to have an orgasm from it? You don't have to have sex after foreplay either if you don't want.
OP you need to communicate your needs to him. The whole idea of oral is to give pleasure,if he's not achieving that goal then you need to tell him and tell him what you would like a require from him.
I may spend anything from 5 minutes to an hour on foreplay depending on the mood. 5 minutes to stimulate juices for intercourse or an hour of just mutually satisfying each other without intercourse afterwards. There is no time limit OP. I can have my girlfriend climaxing in about 5-10 minutes sometimes I may drag that out just for fun and to tease or sometimes I may wait a little while and go again.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I’m sorry to hear that you have had a bad experience. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and learn about women and their needs. A mature man and would put your pleasure first.I have certainly learned one thing - FOREPLAY IS ESSENTIAL! And when it comes to sex, all women (and some men) know that it starts in the mind long before it reaches the other bits!For really good sex you need to be intellectually stimulated first - it's not even about penetration, necessarily; some of the best sex need not involve penetration at all – it’s much more about clitoral and g-spot stimulation. If he arouses you sufficiently with extended foreplay and an orgasm or three, you will be wet and ready and it then won't matter how long he lasts after penetration, you will have been satisfied already and you might even cum through intercourse anyway!I'm sure that you are aware that your vagina has limited sensitivity, so try to stimulate your clit during penetration, to help get you off - fingers or bullet vibrator - as long as your boyfriend's macho outlook isn't threatened by your doing that.....
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I wish...all I ever got was 2-3 minutes. And when I couldn't come, he'd get upset and accusatory.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): With the exception of an occasional quickie I would be seriously unhappy with less than 30 minutes foreplay. The best I ever enjoyed once was around 90 minutes of foreplay. It was amazing. Can recommend. But you need an unselfish partner who has good control of himself. And sometimes he will masturbate first so that he has reached climax. Then give me some loving with great foreplay and by the time I am ready he is ready too, to start the main act to enjoy together, which follows foreplay.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (15 April 2012):
 Foreplay is generally a mood enhancer. And in many cases, it's also a mood starter. It is the prelude to the actual penetrative sex. And there's no set time for how long foreplay should take (or last) because it all depends on the individuals involved- and when they're ready to engage in actual intercourse. Oral sex can be included in foreplay... as well as touching, kissing, and even dessert toppings such as whipped creamed and honey. There are countless things you can do during foreplay if you're creative.
With all of that being said, you need to explain to your boyfriend that you would like him to take his time with the kissing, touching, etc. Let him know that you enjoy it when he's giving you pleasure before you two are having intercourse- and you would like more of that. Have a conversation with him about that outside of the bedroom... and keep the conversation open. Find out out from him what it is that he likes as well. And make an effort to please each other completely.
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