A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Let's say you meet a girl by herself who's nice and attractive. You approach her and strike up a conversation with her. Everything seems to be moving along fine....Five minutes later, her boyfriend shows up all annoyed and angry, says something like, "Hey, that's my girlfriend, why the **** are you talking to my girl?" Now bear in mind, in the beginning you had NO idea she was taken.Growing up (in NYC), if a man ever catches you (or even heard of you) talking to his girlfriend, he would attack you (shoot you, beat you down, etc.) I've seen it happen occasionally on the news, on the net here and there, and I'm sure you have too. Throughout my teens and twenties, I have known three guys in separate incidents when they were killed. Just for talking to a girl. I'm not trying to be humorous or facetious, but unfortunately that's the world I lived in. And I feel that's the biggest problem with approaching women, not rejection.So, what exactly would you do if a man confronted you for talking to his girl? Because approaching a girl for dating shouldn't ever have to be a literal matter of life or death. But in my life, it is the case.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 If its as serious as you say, just simply apologize and back off.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 If it is a matter of life or death then I suggest you move.
However, in the less serious cases, just say a polite "I'm sorry, I was unaware, she didn't inform me that she was taken".
It's the girls who egg on to this sort of behaviour it appears, not only do they encourage the flirting, they also report it to their boyfriends afterwards, and appear to enjoy the "fighting". Any normal woman would dump her boyfriend if he started a fight over nothing. So these women clearly weren't any godo for you either way. So perhaps you are aiming for the wrong type of women. Maybe you should try a different group of women who do not find these sorts of games amusing.
Probably, if you find women who are educated and independent, these sort of things will not happen. Change your hunting grounds. Find places more civil and not stuck in the cave man ages. Not to generalize or sound judgmental, but my bet is that you are looking around at skimpy bars with skimpy women who have little or no education and a poor background. Look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 October 2011):
 I agree with serenity80, and I am amazed you say this type of stuff is common in NYC, that's not my experience at all. Granted, my favourite watering holes were in the UES or in the Village,lol, so a pretty tame scene. But I had friends, coworkers , classmates, acquaintances
from all over , everywhere in the 5 boroughs , and they never mentioned anything so Far Westish. Sure , if you are unlucky and bump into some crack fueled maniac, shit happens, but it may also happen at a gas station or supermarket , with or without a girl involved, the girl is only the excuse to pick up a fight, anything else would do.
Anyway, if you really live in such an urban warzone, well,... I guess that on approaching any girl you should ask first " Are you here alone ? Are you waiting for your boyfriend ? " or something like that, OR BETTER just
hop on the subway and remove yourself to some more mellow , more civilized area, there's sure no shortage of them in NYC. There , if you find yourself chatting up a girl with a jealous boyfriend on tow, a simple " sorry " will do perfectly.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (3 October 2011):
I think you are overreacting, and are a very anxious person who is seeing things that aren't there.
Tell me, if you were at a bar with your girlfriend and you went to the bathroom, and then come back to find someone chatting to her, would you kill him? That strikes me as a little over the top, and shows that you are a very jealous, insecure and controlling man.
If a man confronted me I wouldn't take it too seriously. At the end of the day unless the woman was a complete skank, she would feel really shown up by a boyfriend who over-reacted and started acting all aggressive. The boyfriend is just digging himself a hole. Mind you, I would make sure as much as possible she wasn't with a boyfriend. Usually it is easy to tell, within a few minutes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): "So, what exactly would you do if a man confronted you for talking to his girl? Because approaching a girl for dating shouldn't ever have to be a literal matter of life or death. But in my life, it is the case."
You live a special life.
Your only course of action is to choose life. Become strong and never lose in a duel.
If the other guy loses and he gets death, then you get the girl too (plus other girls are watching so they will like you).
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 October 2011):
Umm I think it's time for you to try and meet women elsewhere. Not that a bar is a bad place to meet women, but the bars you're going to...you need to find a place with people that aren't crazy.
A simple, "Sorry, I didn't know," should work and wander off. Guys shouldn't worry about getting the life beat out of them for talking to a woman!
I've been out with a guy and when he went to the restroom another guy came to try to talk to me. He knew I was with him, so it was kind of a jerk move on him. I was kind of blowing him off, when my date came back from the bathroom he came back over and just asked him, "What's up?" Guy got the hint and left.
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