A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just a quick qn about men and sex! Sorry if its crude :-) Sometimes when I have sex with my boyfriend and he is behind me doing all the work doggy style I look back and he has his eyes open. Then when I am on top doing the work he keeps his eyes closed! Is this him visualising other girls when I am on top or is he just enjoying the moment. Like from behind - he can keep his eyes open because he can't see my face? I know he had really good sex with his ex from early on in the relationship when we talked about sex but he told me that he still didnt ejaculate all that often with other girls but I make him come every time.. He told me I'm his best and he thinks I'm sexy and good looking. So is it just him enjoying the moment or is he fantasizing do you think? I don't mind the fantasizing but I get paranoid that its his exes face he sees or something!!! Eeek!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): I have had guys tell me that they masturbate and think of me. One guy in particular who I wish was my boyfriend told me he jerks off and imagines me being there with him. Guys are very visual so take all the compliments and be happy about it. Sometimes you are just caught up in the moment and some people kiss with their eyes closed. I love it that this guy felt comfortable enough to tell me he cums multiple times.
I told him I orgasm thinking of him too. When you are with someone sometimes our insecurities come out and we need that reassurance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): visualizing can occure with eyes open or eyes shut.
Dreams can often include visualizing. How are you going to stop dream visualizing?
My view is that visualizing enhances the relationship if the trust is strong enough.
If a man or a woman in any sexual relationship chose to never consider visualizing on any occasion ever then perhaps they are very content with standard garden variety everday sex. Good luck to them.
But when we love our partner we are able to trust them on any level. Especially during sex if the couple are utterly on the same wave length.
So if I want to visualize sex in a different situation, imagine I am in another time period or assume different roles, assign different characteristics or even give my guy specific requests to delay, even if I plead otherwize then so be it.
If I want to present myself as a different character or vice versa and it gives me pleasure or my guy pleasure or both of us pleasure then all that does is enhance our pleasure.
Having sex is not living inside a straight jacket.
Making love is about expressing that love by building trust. And if visualizing helps the process then I see no harm in allowing that level of trust and exploring this other side of my partner, or vice-versa
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): I always close my eyes during sex. Sometimes I open them and see my boyfriend has them closed also. I asked him once, he said he has a hard time keeping them open, like when kissing also. When people drink water on a hot day, they close their eyes from pleasure. He also said when at the end before he finishes he open them to see my face, it makes his orgazm stronger. I think we all different. Alli can say closed eyes dont mean he wants to fantasize about someone. Also how do you know he has his eyes open when heis behind you. You look back for a moment, how do you know he keeps them closed the whole time?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): Why don't you just try to enjoy making love; instead of analyzing and speculating what is going on in his mind?
Who is he with? YOU!
Do men have to divulge every thought that is going on our heads these days?
If we don't, you'll attempt to read his mind, and punish him for what you think he might be thinking?
Does that carry a molecule of logic?
Should men give a play by play of his every thought, as he's making love; to appease female insecurities?
Do people with insecurities ever turn them off,just to give their weary minds a rest?
Focus on what you feel. Get out of his head, and back into your own. Your mind should be on pleasure and pleasing. Not looking for a reason to sabotage your relationship by feeding your insecurities. What do men visualize???
He's thinking about how good you feel. That's what we mostly think about. Is that hard to believe?
Ask him to talk naughty to you; if it might make you feel his mind is on you and only you.
When I'm making love, I'm looking for all the right buttons to push to bring my partner to ecstasy. The better my partner responds, that reinforces my need to please. It heightens my arousal to get a great sexual response. Moans and groans, and gritting the teeth. He's looking for your reaction to fuel his own climax.
That's what most men are thinking. There are exceptions. Just like women may be faking orgasms. Who knows when you are and if you're not, but you?
You can wonder if she is, or do your best to make sure that she's not.
When it comes to sex; we're on a level playing field, my dear!
He's hoping you're not bored, and enjoying it as much as he is. He's hoping he can stay erect long enough to take you to orgasm. He's looking for your magic spot.
All I can say is, think positive!
I'm not going to say too much this time; because this is somewhat of a worn out subject.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): I'm with Honeypie. As long as I get enjoyment out of it, I couldn't care less what my husband thinks about.
Think of it this way: It's better than ignoring you to go jerk off to a fantasy of another woman by himself. Sorry if this isn't helpful, I just tend to go with the glass is half full approach to most things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 July 2013):
 I don't even wanna know. What ever rocks his socks. It's not like I don't get any fun out of it .
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 I asked my partner this question and he said, he thinks of me and he’s just enjoying the moment! Although when I needed him to slow down, I did on ‘one’ occasion ask him to picture his ex; LOL Eeek! (Don’t ask what happened.)
He on the other hand likes to picture work or something else that’s stupid in order to take his focus elsewhere… As he says; if he thinks and visualises me or other equally HOT and SEXY images, then he knows it’s over before it’s began!
I’m confident enough not to worry about what he thinks so long as he and I are enjoying the moment.
CAA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 Oh, you've really got a bad case of insecurity! No, he's not thinking about other women just because he close his eyes sometimes during sex! He's enjoying himself, and you, and the sex. That's what he's doing. He's probably not imagining anything, why would be? He doesn't have to imagine, he's experiencing!
"He told me I'm his best and he thinks I'm sexy and good looking"
He's telling you the truth!!! Why do you have such a hard time believing him? Who said what to you in the past to make you so unsure?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 July 2013):
It's not his ex. It's you. It's not other women. It's you. I promise you that he's having a great time! Stop worrying.
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