A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've had a rocky relationship with my mother ever since I was little.I try my best to act civil and not let it show how hurt I was about how she treated me when I was younger. Thus she believes we have a good relationship and she has no clue how much I resent her and continue to resent how she treats me. She does not have a job. My dad works overseas and provides for the family. Recently she paid $10000 to help her friend buy a house since her friend couldn't afford a house at the time. They were not homeless, they were renting an apartment and wanted to upgrade their living conditions. She used money my dad earned and kept this information from him. She hid this transaction from him because she is insecure and in order to help her feel better about herself and also since she studied economics in school, my dad lets her take care of the finances and the banking passwords. She told her friend that her friend can pay her back by depositing money monthly into my bank account so that my dad will not know.She threatened me to not tell him or I will be in big trouble since there will be an argument. I kept this secret for her despite her treating me unfairly for 1 year and a half. She would belittle daily, not let me leave the house except for going to university courses. She would guilt me by saying I was supposed to bring her home food if I don't come home right away because I was spending time with friends. She makes fun of my first job which is at a retirement home and pressures me to skip work to stay home and study or look after my 14 year old brother instead. She makes fun of my appearance daily and if I am not dieting, she will ask me if I got myself pregnant because I'm eating too much. I got so tired of it that I told my dad about her hiding money from him. He said he'll try his best not to let her know I told and only try to circumnavigate around the issue and see if she'll maybe be truthful. He said it's not right to teach your kids to lie and especially to lie or hide things for you. It's not right. Later today she confronted me and looked me dead in the eye and asked if I told him. I lied and said no. She said swear on your cat's dead body. ( she knows I love my cat more than anything and she is also staying in my townhouse for a month starting February). I don't know what to do. I know she has her issues but I don't know if she is capable of doing something cruel to scare me or threaten me. I'm working towards saving enough to move out but I'm not quite there yet financially (currently my dad is paying for my townhouse in a separate country from where my mom and dad live). She was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive ever since I was younger and she constantly says it's my fault she had pregnancy pains. I know she is family but my dad and my brother treat me respectfully and I have always been praised on my good behaviour throughout my school years. I don't believe I have done anything to deserve being treated like this by her. She treats everyone around her like this as well. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Take no notice off that first comment, you get people on here who are hateful instead off helpful.
You done the right thing telling your dad. She should not be teaching you to lie, or trying to black mail you. I am sorry that you have to put up with her. If she is trapping you in the house I would call your dad and let him know, if that fails call the police, you are an adult you don't need to be held hostage. The sooner you can move out the better, as the longer you stay under her roof the worse it will be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): That other/first comment sounds very creepy. I don't think they even read what you wrote. I read everything, and I honestly feel like your mom would be willing to hurt you more. So do not tell her you told your dad, and just save up and move out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice ! :) also I will be getting that book tomorrow
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): If you can read a book by Karyl McBride. Will I ever be good enough. It's on narcissistic mothers. She helps with strategies to deal with the difficult relationship. I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): Don't listen to that other comment. She does sound very abusive and unfortunately some parents are like this. A friend of mine had a very similar situation. Just try your best to keep out of her way. Focus on work and university and your relationship with your dad and your brother as those are positive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am done my degree. My father puts a roof over my head and my mom is lying to him and spending his money behind his back. It has been 2 years and her friend has only paid 3000$ of the 10000$. My mom spent that money as she says: to show her friend she can afford to help out or buy any property she wants anytime and easily. Recently her friend and her have been having disagreements so they are not in good contact with each other. I am 21. My mom does not encourage me working and sometimes prevents me from leaving the house to do job interviews for a second job. She does not put a roof over my head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): Come clean and tell her you snitched her out. After that, mind your own business. You have a roof over your head and a way to save to move out don't you? If she wants you to stay home and study or watch your brother, do it! That's your job now anyway. She isn't abusive, she just doesn't take your crap.
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