A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He dumped me (again). Now he wants me back (again). ): I love him and want him back but I'm starting to think it would be better if we weren't together!- we've both cheated. It was ages ago, but it's still there, hanging over the relationship. Can our relationship ever grow with something so bad hanging over it?- he was a virgin, and I wasn't. Sooner or later he's going to want to experience other girls -- it's male nature. Why bother if I'm always just going to be a lead-up, a stepping-stone for him?- he's scared of commitment and doesn't know what he wants. How can I date someone who ROUTINELY leaves me about every 6-8 months because he panics about something or another, and them comes back in a few weeks because he's realized he loves me again. Every time he does it I feel shit about myself, I feel inadequate, unloved and unappreciated, and then like a push over for just letting him come back.- we're so not on the same wavelength. He likes to party and go out, and I like to stay in. I want the three kids and the white picket fence... and God knows what he wants. Is there any point in dating someone who isn't headed down the same path as you?So many things wrong, so many things that point toward this relationship going nowhere -- there's probably even more that I've just forgotten. If we get back together, we'll just get along for another few months, be all lovey dovey again for a while, and then crash and burn and I'll have to go through all the heartache again. But I love him so much, and I know he loves me too.Is there any point in pursuing a relationship with so much against it?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 I agree as well that you must forgive the past, and start a new if this relationship is to work out. You both do. Cheating is one of the most damaging presences in a relationship. Forgiving is not forgetting, it's choosing to no longer let those acts affect your relationship, and not longer holding onto it as being part of who you can become.
His leaving as he has been doing is inappropriate as well. Tell him how you feel when he does and how you feel when he returns. You say you love him, well, how much? If you want it to work, the two of you need to sit down together for a non-confrontational discussion on how to make this work. You need to have set boundaries of how you choose to be treated and he needs the same. I feel, by reading your question, that you two have been winging it, and I want you to stop doing that and be firm with what you want the direction on how to get there. There are many websites on setting boundaries, both personal and in regards to relationships. This is important, because it sets what you expect and what he does. If leaving and returning is a boundary you will not put up with, this gives you a chance to set it so he will know how doing so affects you.
You like staying in, he likes going out. I know how you feel. I'm someone who likes to stay in as well, but if I'm with someone who enjoys going out, we provide balance by my joining them every now and again in going out, and other times they will stay in with me. Your relationship cannot be self centered from either of your prospective to make it work. There has to balance and compromise, if not it becomes a relationship of convenience and not one to share the love you two have for each other.
I hope this helps, take care.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 September 2010):
 No a good reason in sight to stay together.
LEARN from this relationship and move on. It seems to me the expression: "better the devil you know" is WHY you two are still together. And honestly, that is NEVER a good reason.
You both deserve happiness, now go find it!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Gosh, with all the negatives in your relationship, its time to call it quits and move on with your life.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, 0Guest0  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 there are differences in your relationship but you can work things out... opposite attracts...you said that you love him so try to talk with him and tell him what you feel...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 September 2010):
This won't work. Period. You're on/off
You've both cheated and neither of you have moved on from that.
You think you're a stepping stone.
He doesn't know what he wants and is scared of commitment.
You've got little in common.
The list is ENDLESS! And everything you've written there screams that you should end it and move on. You're wasting your youth on a guy who isn't worth a second of your time. Move on.
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