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We were getting on so well .... but now he just blanks me.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 August 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2017)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Is it time for me to give up?

So I was seeing this man for a while, things were great and he told me he loved me and we talked about a future together. We met at work.

All of a sudden he has now started blanking me, contact fizzled out apart from him emailing last week telling me he cares about me. Then complete silence. He's actually not bumped into me once like almost watching my movement to see where I am.

Part of me hopes he gets in touch after all he said to me, I thought he meant it , but part of me is so angry that he would lie about these things. Why do people just cut you off when they seemed so into you? Made me feel so useless and upset :-(

Do I just give up and assume he's not getting in touch for an unknown reason or should I try talk to him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2017):

Hi Wiseowl, we have not had sex yet. We were planning to , but we never got that far. Maybe I was just taking it too slow for his liking.

I agree with you that I am that way inclined, when a man gives me attention like he did, when I feel like someone actually has feelings for me I put 100% into him. Just a shame I didn't get 100% back :(

I'm slowly trying to move on, it's so difficult to do when you don't know what you did wrong , it's harder when I see him everyday too.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 August 2017):

From your two posts this guy sounds like he's just into sex. He tells you he loves you to keep you dangling on a string. Then he shows-up after completely ghosting you, and it's all lovey-dovey.

You've got a player on your hands. There's not much people can say to advise a young woman who is convinced she's in love. Especially after some jerk has sex with her then tells her he loves her; with a wink and his fingers crossed behind his back. I know he had sex with you by the mere fact he dissed you after telling you how much he supposedly loves you.

You're a prime-candidate for getting your heart-broken and getting played. You're childishly star-struck, and all ga-ga like a teenage school-girl.

You've got to have your wits about you messing with these guys nowadays. Your poor parents must lose a lot of sleep.

I worry about young women who get so wrapped-up in a guy that they almost seem mindless. They often end-up pregnant and abandoned; while he takes-off for parts unknown.

You are so struck and into this guy, I doubt you'd listen to advice. You'll have to go through the grinder and see for yourself.

Best of luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2017):

Hi everyone. He spoke to me today , he made the first move and we had a long chat just about general life and we had a laugh together. I asked him if he was okay and he told me there was bad things going on at home . First time we have talked in a while. It was nice to talk to him in person. He kept asking about my love life, asking if I was still single asking how I've been. I saw him looking at my body, looking into my eyes and smiling at me, staring at me as I walked past him and he actually hung around like he wanted me to bump into him.... Which he used to do all the time.

For now I'm going to remain civil, I'm not going to bombard him and push him away, at least I know I've not done anything wrong to him. I'm just glad of that. I'm also not going to get my hopes up, he's an attractive man, I'm sure he has many women interested in him.

I remember how much I adore him now after laughing and joking with him, I wish he felt the same about me. I guess some wishes never come true for some people . I'm just glad it is civil for now I guess

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A female reader, CupidLover Australia +, writes (10 August 2017):

CupidLover agony auntMy dear, I met someone who blew hot and cold to me and what a roller coaster that was. There could be two reasons why he's acting this way...

According to Men are from Mars women are from Venus: the book says that sometimes men need to go into their "man cave" to think an re-evaluate things as in their feelings etc. it's just something men do- so they do the disappearing act. The advice there to women is to leave them be.

Second, he could be currently busy in a previous affair or another current affair with someone else. That is just a guess and don't quote me on it. But if you want to know it from him,straight up ask him what's his problem and for him to be honest with you.

You only need the closure to move on if he's acting this way and the only way to get it is if he explains his behaviour.

Good luck x

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 August 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHow rude. Do you really want to be with someone who blows hot and cold like this? Who has no empathy for how his behaviour is making you feel? If he can do it once, he can do it again.

When he emailed you to say he cared, did you not email him back and ask WTF is going on? This email is a "holding" email - i.e. putting you "on hold" while he decides what to do. (I do it at work by emailing clients saying "I have received your email and will be back to you as soon as I have the information you need.")

Assume the relationship is over (because it probably is) and move on. Don't be anyone's "on hold". You are worth more than that.

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A female reader, Jessie Star China +, writes (10 August 2017):

Jessie Star agony auntHi Anonymous,

You are not useless. You are quite the opposite. I think you should tell him how you feel. Just because you and him haven't spoken in awhile, doesn't mean he's cut you off. Try to look at the bright side, maybe he started a new job, or has family issues that is consuming his time. Afterall he did tell you he misses you.

Ask him is everything ok, and genuinely take a interest in his needs. Don't let a guy you like split away because of lack of communication.

To answer, your question yes talk to him.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (10 August 2017):

janniepeg agony auntI bet he has no idea you feel so useless and upset. He got carried away talking about the future. He thought that he gave you a brief moment of bliss and that's enough, not knowing that you would take everything he said literally. I am guessing he has a long distance girlfriend somewhere or he couldn't get over an ex. Maybe he's trying to get over an ex by starting a whirlwind romance but there's nothing real to back this up. If you want to talk to him, it would be to make him aware that he couldn't do this to anyone. Not because you hope you can get him back. Otherwise just leave him alone and treat him as if he's not worth your time.

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico + , writes (10 August 2017):

Why do people just cut you off when they seemed so into you?

One word: REBOUND. If you were a rebound relationship for him, and his ex came back and wanted something with him, he will likely pick his ex.

Should I try talk to him?

YES, BUT NOT NOW. Wait a little time to cool down, and for him to get the courage to talk to you and get his act together. Then confront him and ask him what you want to know.

You need to be aware that the guy may still want to be with you while still trying to get back to get with his ex, so you need to pressure him to be honest and upfront with what he wants. Either he wants to be with you or his ex, but not both.

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