Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Yes it's clear but you blew up on her by sending the email. I'm sorry but you fail. When she asked which guy she should choose you could have said "me" and then it could have dragged on a bit more but you would have had a better idea on whY she was on about. Sometimes a girl wants to see how much a guy really likes them by sending strange messages/signals. Again you still have not proved that's the case. So what if she had two other guys chasing her? Who cares! it would have been a confident move to say "what about me" lay it flat just like that! If she snubbed you then you know it's not gonna happen if she goes all giggly and shy and what ever then there could be a chance. you could have hung in there. There's plenty of fish in the sea but it all depends on how important that on was to you in the first place. Ditch her if she's trash chase her if she's worth it. It's that simple.
But in light of the email responce you gave her I find it unlikley that it will go any further so I agree better off moving on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2010):
I'm sorry she's so shabby. Best to move on. You're making the right decision here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk! I'm done with her, now she is claiming theres 2 guys except me. They are both ex's & they both want her back & she doesn't know what do do & she asked me what I would've done if I was in her shoes...so i said go with the 1 that adds value to your life & after that I sent her an email saying that it is clear that I don't add any value to her life since i'm not even considered. Thank you guys for everything I really learnt a lot from you guys. Will keep in touch!
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (9 June 2010):
Wait a min, have you actually seen her bf or her with him? 1) The whole purpose of her dating you could simply be that her relationship is on the tail end with him. It's callled in slang: jumping ship. Or 2) she does not have a boyfriend at all. Some people do weird things in order to make the other slow down. To me it seems you are going a little too fast for her for one thing.
She doesn't take your calls because your putting too much pressure on her, or she really does have a boyfriend. You seriously need to confirm this boyfriend exists.
If she does have a boyfriend and you sent her the roses and she took them home it could be simply used as a tool so that her current boyfriend is warned that she is being chased by a guy and this guy wants her (you) but she's probably hoping I will give her boyfriend a wakeup call and pick up his game otherwise he's out. And that's when your in.
1) Confirm she has a boyfriend.
2) if she does: See what level it's at. If it's at the end or it's going sour just be there for her as a friend first but don't call her everyday. Be supportive. But not persistant. If she does not: slow daown a bit and take it easy and don't talk about you guys, just enjoy each moment.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 I think you are trying to find excuses to be with her, you have attached your self to her. I hope you can catch cause I have a feeling she will throw more things your way. You already know how she is, she puts all this guilt on you, and than she says she has a boyfriend. If its true or not does not really matter, what should matter is how she tries manipulate you. Its really your choice to be with her all we can do is give you our opinions. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 I totally agree with Caring Guy.
How the boyfriend fits in ? In more ways that you would imagine. He may be temporarily out of town. It may be a long distance relationship. He may be a married guy and they have to keep it under wraps. He may be a naive person that she was able to wrap around her little finger and keep hoodwinked by her lies ( she is goot at lies, isn't she ? ) Or- dulcis in fundo - ( the sweetest at last ) this may be an imaginary boyfriend that she pulls out to let you down easy .
Whatever the situation is- she is manipulative. She is playing you ,plain and simple.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 June 2010):
I knew it! I knew there was something up with her. I thought about your question again when I'd answered it and realized that she might be feeling guilty about something or other. And I was right you. She was feeling guilty about cheating, and blamed you. Sorry I didn't put that in my first answer. Back to this revelation. She's a cheat, a liar and was playing you. Don't ever trust her again and if I were you, I'd pull right back and work on getting over her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut Raider she gave me the code to her house, she took the flowers I sent her @ work to her house, we spent sunday together till 4 am monday morning & last night we were together till 2 am this morning actually so where does the boyfriend fit there...? All i know is that when she is not at home she is with me or @ work or @ her parents's house & church!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (4 June 2010):
Dude she has been playing you the whole time. Let her go she is not worth the headache. First she blames you for something she took part in. Now you find out she has a boyfriend. Now I can see why she was trying to find someone to blame. Since she is taken she obliviously can't blame herself because then her boyfriend will dump her. Not worth it dude let her go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe went out for dinner last night & everything was perfect & we were kissing holding hands & all of a sudden she is telling me that she has a boyfriend whom I nver heard of or see.We then went seperate ways but now she doesn't take any of my calls...when I ask if she loves me, she looks away & say we must just leave the subject.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (3 June 2010):
Respect her and act as if in nothing changed, good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Stay on course and show your love for her . Tell her that you will change but for the better. It will soon pass and life will return to normal again.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (2 June 2010):
Stay with her and be there for her. it will show that you're serious about her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! I fully agree with everything you say but how do I make her see that we can be happy after all this...I think she feels as if I will change after sex
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (1 June 2010):
You were both drinking so it is unfair to just blame you. People often blame the alcohol for what they do under the influence, but I feel the alcohol just helps you do, whatever you wouldn't do sober. In reality she wanted this and now wants an escape goat so she chooses to blame you and the alcohol but not her.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (1 June 2010):
That's good but why would you regret what you did just be your self and don't be a fool and play any games. Other wise.... YOU LOSE!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
You now know all you need to know about her. She and you had sex, you were both tipsy. Now she regrets it, and rather than accept her share, she's blaming you. Nice try on her behalf, but not acceptable. She's as much responsible as you are. And that says it all. You're in love with a woman who will blame you for everything she does. You can do better.
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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: