A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there im new on here, but i really need some help on this.I met my girlfriend a year ago and she had been with a heroin addict for many years. He would lie to her and take her money, take drugs, rehibilitate get clean then go through same loop again.I am going through a divorce, and we both have children.I absolutley adore her like I have never felt like this to anyone before and she says she loves me. We live together now and sometimes we talk of marriage etc and the rest of our lives as when we are good we are besotted with each other but...She cannot let go of her past, and her ex will not let go of her. He texts her all the time sending undying love and swearing that this time he will get clean for her and that she and him were meant to be together, no other. She met him for his birthday and it really tore me up, and she regularly goes out for dinner with his mum. She admits we would never have been together if she could get him clean because she loved him so much.It really tears me up inside that she still has feelings for another and that he rings and texts her all the time.I have tried many times to raise the fact that I am unhappy bout this but she always says she is doing nothing wrong, and each time we argue I feel I am driving her away.He now wants her to watch him play in his band, and I cant stand the thought that he will be singing to her.It is not that I don't trust her, it's that there is someone she loves who would do anything to get her back and she opens the door to him all the time.Am i being selfish?
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divorce, drugs, her ex, her past, money, text Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Its just sad. She is honest that she loves her ex. Don't marry her. Someday she may get over him but don't count on it. I see this as ending with her hurting you very badly. It would be best if you were not married to her when that happens. Sorry.
A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 If you plan on hanging in there and keeping talks of marraige on the table and expect any good to come out of this on your end, then selfish is not the word that first springs to mind. And I don't know you well enough to call you delusional.I think that you have thought about your situation as much as you need to think about it. I think you know exactly what you want to do and you know how and when you want to go about it.You don't need our help for any thing you've got going on at all. But what about your kids. are they getting old enough to be going it alone. Is your oldest a daughter.Lets pretend she is and she just turned 18 and just moved out of the house into her own place. And by god she didn't even make it till her second months rent is due before she had some guy sniffing around already. She's a big girl. She makes her own money and makes her own way. What you really don't like about the guy, i mean he's pleasant enough but he's still running around with his old girlfriend. And you can't prove it and your daughter would never tell you but you just know that some of your daughters pay has got to trickle down through the boy friend and make its way to his old flame. Ands THAT is what really chaps your ass because she's never gonna get rich where she's working. And she needs every nickel she can scrounge if she going to go to night school in the fall. To top it all of his ex is addicted to drugs and who knows when and how far she will go off if she does. Goddamn......if she would listen to you. I KNOW you would want to go right over there and tell her that this thing is never going to get any better and the sooner she gets away from what could best be called a ticking time bomb the better off she would be. I bet thats exactly what you would tell any one of your kids if they found thenselves in such a screwed up mess. Hell you probably raised them to have more sense than that. They would never get caught up in a situation so fraught with peril
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 I agree with Annalisa's views.
You should not have let this thing fester until now. You should have told her to choose who she wants. This cannot go on forever.
She is having the best of both worlds. I would walk out of her life if I cannot have 100% of her. When it comes to love and happiness, 100% or nothing .
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A
female
reader, Annalisa + ♥, writes (28 February 2008):
 You are not being selfish: you're blinded by your love for her. The truth is she's with you because she needs stability, but she loves her ex!
You should let her go and sort her life out, because as long as she loves him she won't have space for anyone else in her heart. Do you really want to play safety-net to her for the rest of your life?
You deserve love and happyness.
God bless you and good luck!
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